Jusenkyo Man: All About Eva
by Lord Raa
Summary: A new twist on the prevention of the Third Impact. Not to be taken as seriously as the original series.
1. Chapter 1

The Adventures Jusenkyo Man: 

All About Eva

Part 1

By Lord Raa

* * *

Author's note: This chapter takes place after events that have yet to be finalised posted. I do not know where this will fit in to the timeline of events yet, but you should know that things have happened to Ranma in the interim to cause an already OOC Ranma to act even stranger. Yes, even when compared to previous chapters. 

Also the following section of this "epic tale" will contain jokes that are not suitable for younger readers. I am warning you all in advance that there is a reason for the "R" rating I gave this - it contains humour of an adult nature. That means references to sexual experience and all sorts of legally and/or morally dubious activities. That could mean profane language, plot holes, violence and/or sexual deviancy.

You're on your own from here on.

PS- This takes place early in Evangelion.

Like any of you care.

* * *

Shinji looked at the strange penguin that greeted himself and Misato at the door to their apartment. 

"Waark."

"Don't mind Pen-Pen" Misato advised as she waved her young charge into the small apartment. "He's your other roommate. Your room is that one there."

Shinji blinked. "Ok."

'Thank god Pen-pen was at the door to distract him from the mess.' Misato set their food down on the table on her way to the fridge. "Can I get you anything to drink"

"Apple juice, please Misato-san."

Handing the Evangelion pilot his drink, Misato opened her beer. "Cheers."

"Cheers" Shinji replied half-heartedly.

The captain nearly emptied her can in the first few gulps. After exhaling deeply, her whole demeanour changed to that of a footloose and fancy-free young woman.

"That's the good stuff. Well, Shinji this is your home here. Feel free to take advantage of everything here. Except me, of course" she finished with a chuckle.

If Shinji got the captain's joke, he gave no indication. Instead he stared at his drink with a pathetic look on his face. "I'm sorry to be a bother to you, Misato-san."

Rolling her eyes, she decided that a bath would make the boy feel better.

"Why don't you take a bath, Shinji-kun? Bathing cleans both body and soul."

"Thank you, Misato-san."

* * *

"Another unfamiliar ceiling" Shinji thought aloud. His musing was 

Interrupted by the door opening.

"Waark."

Turning his head, Shinji saw the penguin waddle into the bathroom.

"What"

The penguin gave a gesture that seemed to say "move over." "Wark"

Shifting to the edge of the bath, Shinji made enough room for the warm water penguin.

'There's something creepy about this penguin,' Shinji didn't dared voice his thoughts.

'If he was any more timid, he'd implode. Now, what's the best way to boast confidence? I know just the thing.'

The penguin seemed to smirk at the confidence impaired boy.

Despite the hot bath, Shinji shivered. 'I've got a bad feeling about this.'

* * *

After the other residents fell asleep, Pen-Pen emerged from his fridge. 

'Nobody suspects the penguin,' he thought sneakily.

Morphing to a human form, he opened a window so that he could return after his mission.

He changed shape again, this time to that of a small bird and took off for the apartment of a young girl.

* * *

Having spent some time exploring Tokyo 3, Ranma knew the best way to the albino pilot's apartment block. 

Arriving at the dilapidated building, the swallow made its way to Rei's room. Finding the door unlocked, the bird pushed it open to allow access.

Ranma was not impressed when he saw the state of the girl. 'She's not much good for my plan in that state. I need to heal her enough to save Shinji's hide if he needs it but not so much that suspicion is aroused.'

The swallow morphed into the shape of a muscular man with long black hair tied back in a pigtail. Pulling clothes from seemingly nowhere, Ranma made quiet steps to Rei's bed for some magical healing.

It was at this time that Ranma placed the notion that Rei needed to protect Shinji.

After a few minutes Ranma departed in bird form, leaving a much healthier Rei Ayanami in bed.

* * *

Misato woke up to the smell of breakfast cooking. 

"Mmm, food," she said as she shuffled towards the dining are like a zombie.

"Morning Misato," Shinji greeted his guardian.

Misato looked at Shinji. "There's something different about you today, Shinji."

Shinji blushed under the intense scrutiny of his room mate.

'He seems so much cuter...' Misato shook her head to clear the improper thoughts. "Get me a beer, will ya Shinji"

Shinji handed the captain the drink. "Here you are, Misato."

"You attend school today, try not to cause too much trouble for me. I can't afford to spend too much time away from NERV," Katsuragi teased gently. She knew full well that Shinji hated to bother others.

Shinji just looked at his feet.

* * *

At school Shinji's class were nearly bored to tears at the teacher's dull lesson. A bleep caused him to turn his attention to the computer in his desk. 

A message was waiting for him.

Are you the pilot of that robot? Y/N? 

'I hope I don't regret this'. He typed in the truth.

Yes 

Suddenly, he was surrounded by a crowd of students.

"Wow man, that's so cool"

"What's it like inside the cockpit of that thing"

"I'm not supposed to talk about classified things like that" Shinji tried to weasel his way out of answering technical questions that he didn't really understand.

"Pilot Ikari is correct."

These four words ceased the commotion instantly. Not because of the tone, but because of who said them.

"Whoa, it must be important if Ayanami gets involved" one of the boys in the class voiced the general consensus.

His comment was greeted with what looked like a death glare, but that would be ridiculous, as it came from Rei Ayanami.

Before anybody could say anything else, the chimes that signalled the end of the lesson sounded.

Touji and Kensuke gestured to each other that they should have words with Ikari.

* * *

Outside, Touji grabbed Shinji by the front of the shirt. 

"I'm really mad, right now."

The jock, threw the spinally challenged boy the floor. Cracking his knuckles, he prepared to throw a right jab as punishment for injuring his sister.

"Sorry Newcomer, but I just have to let off some steam."

Suddenly, Rei was standing between the boys.

"What are you doing here Ayanami?" Kensuke asked.

"Ikari-kun is needed to pilot Evangelion Unit-01. I cannot allow his ability to pilot to be impaired by any incidents that occur in his civilian life. I will do everything in my power to protect Ikari-kun" Ayanami's tone was calm as normal, yet more than a little threatening.

"Uh ok" Kensuke started to sweat like the coward he was.

Touji was more reluctant to back down but realised that if he wanted to get payback on Shinji, he'd have to go through the albino. Furious as he was, he knew that he'd regret hurting a girl. Never mind one that was injured.

Spitting on the ground, he turned on his heel and strode off with Kensuke in tow.

Shinji was a little unsure of what just happened. "Ayanami-san, is everything all right"

Rei turned to the boy on the floor. "We are needed at NERV, pilot Ikari. Please come with me."

"Ok, Ayanami-san" Shinji got to his feet and quickly made his way to the NERV headquarters.

The two pilots travelled in silence. This was a good thing as Rei's mind was in disarray. 'I have never had these feelings before. They are much stronger than after the time Commander Ikari came to my rescue. Protecting Ikari-kun gives me a new purpose.'

Shinji was concerned that he might be responsible for the suffering of more people in Tokyo-3 because of his actions. 'I hope that this mission will go a little more smoothly that the last one.'

* * *

Misato was glad that the Eva pilots arrived promptly. 'The sooner they defeat this Angel, the sooner we can get out of here.' 

"Misato-san, what's going on"

"Shinji, the fourth Angel has appeared. We need you to defeat it quickly."

Shinji nodded and left for the changing rooms.

* * *

After the Angel stopped moving due to a progressive knife penetrating the core, the power in Unit-01 ran out causing it to remain statue-like in the streets of Tokyo-3. 

Misato was not impressed by Shinji's disregard for her order to pull back and was preparing to rip him a new one.

Ayanami saw the look one the captain's face and moved to intercept.

"Captain Katsuragi."

"What is it Rei?" Misato's voice just oozed impatience.

"Before you speak with pilot Ikari, you should be aware of the fact that he was trying to protect people from harm. It was not his intention to disobey your orders" Rei explained for the young Ikari.

Forced onto the back foot because Rei had initiated a conversation, Misato was given a chance to cool off and allow the injured girl's words to sink in.

"I will take that under advisement, Rei. Now if you'll excuse me." Misato moved around the red eyed girl and off to have words with Shinji.

Rei was briefly awash with a pleasant sensation. 'I will look out for Ikari-kun more often.'

"Just what the hell do you think you were doing out there" the purple haired captain shouted at Shinji. "You're supposed to follow my orders, Shinji"

"I'm sorry Misato-san, but does it matter? I beat the Angel, didn't I?"

Misato moved in close to stare the boy down. "If you don't follow orders, what good are you to NERV?"

Shinji backed off as he felt his guardian's breath on his face.

"But..."

"But nothing Shinji, you were lucky this time. And luck runs out. But since you managed to leave the Angel in a relatively complete state, I shall forgive you this once. You might still get punished at a later time. Understand?"

Shinji gulped and nodded nervously.

"Good. Now let's get home, you've got dinner to cook." Misato had a smile on her face as the notion of punishing Shinji involved spanking him on the bottom. She shook her head to dislodge the naughty thoughts that involved Shinji. 'That's twice in one day, I thought about him like that,' Misato's comment was kept to herself. 'Perhaps I should speak with Ritsuko?'

* * *

That night, Misato lay in the bath allowing the heated water to soothe away her stress from the life or death situation that had occurred earlier. Seeing the phone nearby, she recalled that she had thought about speaking with her college friend about Shinji. 

"Ritsuko, can I ask a favour"

"¬Possibly. What about?¬"

"Shinji. Something just seems different about him. I can't put my finger on it and it's really bugging me. Could you give him a physical"

"¬Sure, bring him in tomorrow. I'll compare the results and let you know.¬"

"Thanks, Ritsuko. I owe you one."

"¬I'm pretty sure that it's more than one, Misato. I seem to recall dragging your drunken carcass back to the dorm room several times.¬"

Misato hung up on the giggling doctor.

"Bitch."

* * *

Ritsuko sipped her coffee as she waited for Shinji to arrive at the infirmary for his physical examination. 'Misato seemed awfully paranoid about Shinji's condition, I hope nothing in the cockpit systems is affecting the pilots,' she mused. 

When the young Ikari knocked on the door, she looked up from her computer.

"Come in."

"Dr. Akagi? You wanted to see me" Shinji asked in his usual timid manner.

Turning to the boy, she appraised him carefully. "Yes, this is just a check up to see how you are handling the stresses of piloting Unit 01."

"Ok."

"Now undress and sit on the bench, please."

Shinji's face turned red. "B-but Dr. Akagi..."

"What? I'm a doctor and a grown woman, you've got nothing that I've not seen examples of before."

"That's not it," Shinji whined.

The blonde sighed. "Then what is it? I can turn up the heating if you're cold."

"Can I talk to you about something, Doctor?" Shinji looked up from studying his feet.

"Of course, Shinji-kun." Ritsuko sat next to her boss's son. "You can tell me anything."

Shinji took a deep breath. "Do you think Misato and Rei have been acting strangely recently?"

"Rei has always been a bit strange, compared to the norm for teenagers. But I've not noticed anything different about Misato. Why?"

Shinji related the events that transpired earlier to the doctor, not noticing the glazed look in her eyes.

"Hmm" Ritsuko agreed. She caught herself before she placed a hand on Shinji's thigh. 'What am I doing? He's just a boy! And what would the Commander say?'

"Are you all right, Dr.?" Shinji asked when he saw the look of horror on the woman's face.

Blushing, she realised that she'd been staring at the pilot's lap. "I'm fine, Shinji-kun. Now, can I take a blood sample?"

Shinji nodded and held out his arm, bracing himself for the discomfort of a minor bloodletting.

Not trusting herself not to do something sordid, Ritsuko took the blood sample to the lab personally.

"I'll be back shortly, Shinji-kun. If you need a drink, help yourself to coffee."

A few minutes after Dr. Akagi left, Maya Ibuki arrived, looking for her mentor. Noticing that Shinji seemed to be nursing his arm, she stepped up to him.

"Shinji-kun, is everything all right?" she asked, gesturing to his arm.

"Yes, Dr. Akagi just wanted to take a blood sample down to the lab. She'll be back soon if you want her."

Maya sat next to the pilot. "I'll wait here, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind at all, Ibuki-san," Shinji said honestly.

Maya looked at Shinji, her eyes taking in his lithe form. "Is Akagi-sempai doing a full physical examination?"

"I think so. She said something about monitoring the stresses of piloting Unit 01."

Ritsuko returned as Maya thought about "assisting" the doctor.

"Maya, what are you doing here?"

"I brought that report you wanted. Do you need any help in examining Shinji-kun?" Maya asked hopefully.

Ritsuko blinked. "I don't think that would be appropriate, Maya."

Maya pouted, but decided that she'd visit Shinji later to see how he was settling into his new life in Tokyo-3. "I'll catch up with you later," she said.

Ritsuko, having splashed her face with cold water, was now ready to examine Shinji.

'Come on, Ritsuko. Be calm and clinical, just as you would be with Rei,' the blonde pushed away any improper thoughts. "Now Shinji, I need you to undress so I can gather your vital statistics."

As Shinji nodded and moved behind the screen to shed his clothing, Ritsuko prepared the scales and other measuring equipment.

Sitting down on the bench, Shinji tried to cover himself. Dr. Akagi smiled when she saw how much of a poor job Shinji was doing.

"Kindly step on the scales Shinji-kun."

Ritsuko managed to behave in a professional fashion. Up until the point the little voice in her head that it was perfectly fine to give Shinji a prostate exam.

"DOCTOR!" Shinji exclaimed, not being used to having things travel the wrong way up a one-way street.

"I'm sorry for that, Shinji-kun. I have to do a full physical. Now, I need one last sample from you" she had a smile. Said smile was enough to scare even the dumbest of humans and Shinji was not known for his bravery.

The door burst open with an irate looking Rei scanning the room for the source of Shinji's distress.

Backing away, Shinji reached for something to cover his trembling body.

"Dr. Akagi, are you supposed to touch your patients like that?" Rei asked the bottle blonde.

Ritsuko stammered as she tried to formulate a feasible excuse for molesting a 14 year old boy. "I was just giving Shinji-kun a check up. Misato was concerned that something had happened to him."

"What would cause the Captain to think that?" Rei asked.

"She said that something 'seemed off' about Shinji." Ritsuko found that she couldn't meet Rei's inquisitive stare.

"So why did you stick a finger up my ass?" Shinji demanded.

"I needed to touch you," Dr Akagi confessed in a quiet voice.

"It seems that people are out to hurt Ikari-kun. I will protect him with my life," Rei's tone was one of absolute truth.

"Ayanami-san?"

"Bullies at school and Angels are not the only threats that you face, Ikari-kun. I shall move in with you and Captain Katsuragi as it will be easier for me to protect you."

Shinji was unsure of what to think. "I don't want to be a bother, Ayanami-san."

Rei turned to face the naked boy. "The Angels must be defeated, Ikari-kun. Your assistance is required." Rei also cast a speculative eye over his body. "Close proximity will make my task easier."

For some reason, Shinji felt like he was being graded like a racehorse that had been put out to stud.

* * *

Upon arriving home, Shinji announced to Misato that he had returned. 

"Shinji, I've been waiting for you."

"M-misato-san" Shinji was not prepared for the manner in which his room-mate/legal guardian/commanding officer was dressed.

Sure, he'd seen Misato dressed in little more than a pair of short shorts and a form fitting shirt, but this, this was causing nasal haemorrhaging.

"Captain Katsuragi," Rei interjected.

"What are you doing here?" Misato asked the just noticed third party.

"I am here to protect pilot Ikari. I have seen several threats to his safety and wellbeing since he arrived."

Shinji looked embarrassed for the inconvenience he was putting Rei through. "I'm sorry for being a bother to everyone."

"Protecting you is my purpose," Rei simply stated.

Misato suddenly felt a draft and two more pairs of eyes on her barely covered body.

"Ikari" Touji and Kensuke exclaimed in unison.

"Why didn't you tell us you lived with this babe?" Touji demanded.

"What is Ayanami doing here?" Kensuke asked, puzzled that the socially defective individual would visit anyone.

"I am here to protect Ikari-kun."

"Oh. But what about you, ma'am?"

"I'm Shinji's," Misato said as she threw her arms around Shinji's neck in a way that contravened several rules of Nerv conduct.

"S-s-shinji's what?" Touji nearly choked on his question.

"Whatever he wants," Misato teased the boys as she licked Shinji's neck.

Two geysers of blood hid the collapse of the "Idiot Duo".

As evidenced by the yawn he let out, exhaustion and stress had gotten the better of Shinji. "Misato-san, I've had a really strange day. Can I go to bed now?"

"Sure thing, Shin-chan. I need to speak with Rei anyway."

As Shinji left for his room, Rei turned to the fantasising woman. "Captain Katsuragi, you are drooling."

Misato turned and glared daggers at the blue haired pilot.

This did not faze Rei in the slightest.

"What do you want, Rei?"

"To protect Ikari-kun."

Misato laughed. "I've never heard it called that before, Rei."

"What do you mean, Captain Katsuragi?" Rei was puzzled by the older woman's euphemism.

Misato blinked. "You're serious, aren't you?"

Rei's nod was the barest of movements.

"I was referring to engaging in sexual intercourse with Shinji," Misato gestured to Shinji's room.

"I have no such plans at this time. I was referring to Dr Akagi."

"What did she do?" Misato was beginning to worry about her friend. And her new friend. Or more accurately, what her old friend was doing to her new boyfriend.

"Dr. Akagi anally violated Ikari-kun with her finger during the examination you requested. I will now move in with you and Ikari-kun to ensure his safety."

'Angels, bullies and perverts. Poor Shin-chan. I'll do my best to comfort him,' Misato thought with a gleam in her eye.

"I will share Ikari-kun's room as it will allow me to react quickly to any threats," Rei spoke in her usual monotone.

Misato nodded. "Hang on a minute, how do I know that you won't do anything to my Shinji?"

"Ikari-kun has always behaved like a perfect gentleman, Captain Katsuragi. I do not believe that he would try to take advantage of me. In fact I believe that it is you that would do something to Ikari-kun." Rei's lips moved fractionally upwards in what was a victorious smirk for her.

Misato knew a challenge for a man when she saw one. "I'll have you know that I have nothing but Shinji's interests at heart."

Rei was beginning to feel what she understood to be jealousy. "And what make you think that Ikari-kun is interested in some exhibitionist drunkard?"

"YOU BITCH!"

Before Misato could launch her self at the crimson-eyed pilot, Shinji opened the door to his room.

"Could you be quiet please? I'm really tired and if you want breakfast, either let me sleep or make it yourselves," his tone was calm, yet dangerous at the same time.

"Ikari-kun, we are sorry for disturbing you but we need an answer to a pressing matter."

Shinji yawned. "Can't this wait until the morning?"

"But it concerns the sleeping arrangements, Shin-chan," Misato pouted.

"I don't care what happens, as long as I get to sleep in two minutes." With that, Shinji turned and went back to bed.

Rei and Misato blinked. Shinji had given them a blank cheque and they both intended to cash it in.

"I will make sure that nothing happens to Ikari-kun," Rei stated for the record, "during the night."

"What do you mean by that, Rei?" Misato demanded of the girl in front of her.

"Tenacity is a trait common in many people, Captain Katsuragi," a new voice came from the doorway. "I doubt that you'd give up so easily."

"Ritsuko! What are you doing here? Haven't you done enough to my poor Shinji?"

"I've done nothing wrong, Misato," Akagi deluded herself. "He's a teenaged male and they all want sexual gratification."

Rei did not believe that for a second. Misato, however had more experience with men in general and nodded in agreement.

"My purpose is to protect Ikari-kun from all threats. I will not allow Ikari-kun to be disturbed." Rei left the two adults and wedged Shinji's door shut.

"Damn. Anyway, why are you dressed like that" they spoke in unison.

Doctor Akagi was dressed in a tight fitting lab coat that told the operations officer that 1) Dr Akagi was well developed in the chest area, 2) there was a cool breeze out and 3) if she was wearing a skirt or dress it length was comparable to that of a belt.

Misato's charcoal grey gown-less evening strap was not any better in covering what little modesty the purple haired beauty had.

"Uhn, what happened?" Touji asked. When he managed to open his eyes, he saw something that the doctor had planned to show only to Shinji that evening.

More blood gushed from his nose. When it landed on Kensuke's face, it woke him up.

"Man, I had this really weird dream that Shinji lived with this stellar babe," he groggily said to no-one in particular.

"Thank you, Aida-kun."

The military otaku looked up and saw that he hadn't been dreaming. Drool started to drip from the corner of his mouth. "It's good to be a pilot."

"Yes, well Shinji is tired so you have to go now. All of you." Misato took an authoritative tone with those that had interrupted her plans for Shinji.

Ritsuko pouted cutely at her college friend.

"Sorry, Ritsuko. No room at the inn. Now drag that," she gestured to a grinning Touji, "out of here. Hey, you seem you like younger guys, so why don't you make these boys men?"

Ritsuko looked at the "Idiot Duo". "I'd rather fuck Commander Ikari."

"Why don't you? It'll be the only Ikari you get tonight." Misato would not be lenient on anyone that hurt her Shin-chan.

Ritsuko was lost for words.

Misato had lost all patience with the visitors and left to get her pistol. Chambering a round, she used it to wave the troublemakers away. "Shoo, get out! Don't make me shoot you."

Finally they left, allowing Misato to decide on which bed she would sleep in.

The decision was made for her when she found herself unable to open Shinji's door.

"Damn" she whispered.

* * *

Rei gently roused Shinji from his sleep. 

"Ikari-kun, it is time for you to wake up. We have a synchronisation test after school."

"Ok Rei" Shinji mumbled. Then the penny dropped. "Rei? What are you doing here?"

"I told you that I would protect you. I spent the night here to ensure that you would not be disturbed."

"Yeah, I remember something about that. I'm sorry to be such a bother to you, Ayanami-san." Shinji was embarrassed by the fact that he'd disrupted Rei's routine.

"It was not a bother, Ikari-kun. I found sleeping next to you in your bed to be both comfortable and pleasant."

It was with that comment, Shinji experienced a condition familiar to all males at one point or another in their lives.

Rei's attention was drawn to the movement of the covers. "Do not move Ikari-kun, there is something in the bed with you."

Misato realised that something could be going on at that very moment and wrenched the door to Shinji's room off the rails.

Just as Rei lifted the sheets to reveal Shinji's very own "Special Unit" in all its glory.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SHINIJI, YOU FILTHY WHORE?"

This was enough to scare the blood out of the enlarged appendage.

"I was concerned that an animal had entered the bed. It was a fair assumption given that this house is not as sanitary as it could be, Captain Katsuragi."

Misato's eye twitched. "What's your apartment like, Rei?"

"The status of my apartment is irrelevant since I will now be living here."

"And just who was it that said you could live here?" Misato demanded.

"Ikari-kun has not expressed a desire for me to leave. Nor has Commander Ikari." Rei's bluntness was quite unnerving.

Feeling that something was not quite right, Shinji decided that now would be a good time to get started on breakfast.

* * *

To be continued... 

Thanks go out to Chi Vayne for pointing out my errors so that I look slightly less foolish.

Author's notes:

As stated at the top of the page, this will make a little bit more sense if you have read (and vaguely enjoyed) The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man.

I would also like to state that some of the inspiration for this came from Otaku D-man (he's got writing skills) Lord The Night Knight ( Eva! Parallel Reality Genesis is an entertaining read) and that lovely piece that was started by Raiden-X and continued by Graceomega - Shinji Huntin' Season. My apologies if this comes off as a poor addition to the "Shinji the Babe-magnet" genre of fanfiction.

If this seems a bit off (compared to my normal efforts), then I'm sorry, but I'm going through a bit of stress with my job at the moment. It has meant that I have to cancel my birthday trip to Tokyo in September.

Grumble, grumble. Stupid outsourcing. Bloody relocation to sodding Chesterfield. Grumble, grumble.

Don't expect too many updates in April, I'll be getting my Crystal Xbox and Crimson Skies, GTA, Rainbow 6 3 and Steel Battalion: Line of Contact (with 40 button controller).

Any questions?

Send your opinions via your normal method.

Toodles.


	2. Chapter 2

The Adventures Jusenkyo Man: 

All About Eva

By Lord Raa

Part 2

* * *

Author's note: This chapter takes place after events that have yet to be finalised & posted. I do not know where this will fit in to the timeline of events yet, but you should know that things have happened to Ranma in the interim to cause an already OOC Ranma to act even stranger. Yes, even when compared to previous chapters. 

Also the following section of this "epic tale" will contain jokes that are not suitable for younger readers. I am warning you all in advance that there is a reason for the "R" rating I gave this - it contains humour of an adult nature. That means references to sexual experience and all sorts of legally and/or morally dubious activities. That could mean profane language, plot holes, violence and/or sexual deviancy.

You're on your own from here on.

But you should have realised that from the last chapter.

* * *

"Oh, Shin-chan," Misato sing-songed as she placed her arms around Shinji's waist. 

Misato rested her head on his shoulder, revelling in the nervous boy's scent. "Whatever do you mean, Shin-chan?"

"I believe that Ikari-kun is referring to the intimate contact you are initiating, Captain Katsuragi."

Misato mentally slapped herself for her momentary lapse of memory. 'I forgot that Rei was here.' "I'm not bothering you, am I Shinji?"

Shinji declined to comment. Well actually, he was frozen in position when he felt the purple haired woman trace the outline of his bikini zone.

"Shinji likes this," Misato spoke with a smirk.

"What leads you to that conclusion, Captain Katsuragi?" Rei asked, not having much in the way of life experience.

"This," Misato turned Shinji to face the pilot of Unit 00 and grinned lecherously.

Rei gasped.

Shinji defied human biology.

Breakfast merely announced its readiness.

The knock at the door gave Shinji a very good reason to escape from the hungry stare he was getting from Rei and the pleasant, yet creepy fondling he was receiving from Misato. 

"I'll get it," the timid boy squeaked. He was somewhat surprised to see Maya Ibuki standing at the entrance. "Ibuki-san, what can I do for you?"

His question was met with a wide eyed blush from the bridge bunny.

'I guess that Shinji-kun is happy to see me,' Maya thought happily. "Uh, Shinji-kun, I'm happy to see you too, but I'm not the sort of girl that does it in public."

Shinji looked puzzled at the young officer. His eyes followed the path of her hand towards his groin.

"Ah!"

Leaping behind the door, Shinji willed the Earth to swallow him up,

Maya seemed a bit dazed and only responded to the fact that Shinji had moved when Misato and Rei came to the door to see who was rudely interrupting them.

"Oh, hello Misato. Rei, I wasn't expecting to see you here."

"Why are you here, Ibuki?" Misato spoke through gritted teeth.

"I came to check up on Shinji-kun. Why is Rei here?"

"I am here to protect Ikari-kun."

"From what?" Maya asked in a confused tone.

"I have seen several threats to pilot Ikari. His presence is necessary for the defeat of the Angels," Rei answered without blinking.

"Can we close the door? I'd rather not catch a cold," Misato's request was meant for Ibuki to leave more than a concern for her health. After all, if she fell ill, then Shinji would look after her.

Maya nodded. Stepping inside, she placed a hand on Shinji's chest to steady herself as she shed her shoes.

Misato growled. 'I thought I clearly marked Shinji out as my territory.'

Rei's left eye moved slightly. To the casual observer, it looked like the girl barely blinked; but to those that knew Rei, it was the equivalent of a full blown eye twitch. 'I must step up my protection for Ikari-kun.'

Maya merely asked Shinji if there was any chance she could have breakfast.

Shinji as always, was unable to refuse a request from a lady. Although there was this strange grinding sound that continued throughout the meal.

Misato gave her new boy-toy a saucy look, one calculated to infuriate Maya. "Shinji, if you, and Rei, are willing to wait 'til I've had a bath, I'll drive you to school."

Shinji managed to look embarrassed at the offer. "I don't want to put you out, Misato-san."

Shaking her head, Misato gave her response. "I told you that you could take advantage of everything here. Especially me."

Shinji nodded. 'Hang on a minute, she said everything but her. What's going on?'

"Shinji takes advantage of you?" Maya spluttered. Visions of animalistic lust now filled her mind's eye, only in Maya's version it was her that enjoyed the young Ikari's attention.

"I wish," Misato commented. "I just said that out loud, didn't I?"

Maya and Shinji nodded in unison.

Rei looked on, not quite sure what to make of the whole situation. "Ikari-kun's behaviour has not given me the impression that he would do such a thing, Lt Ibuki."

Shinji held his head in his hands, as he wondered just when it was that his life became so messed up.

"Are you all right, Ikari-kun?" Rei asked.

"I'll be fine, Ayanami-san. Let's get to school before something strange happens."

Misato and Maya pouted. Then they recalled what was scheduled for after school - naked synchronisation tests. They looked at each other, hints of the possibilities showing in their eyes.

"I've got work to do, Misato. I'll see you and Shinji at the office."

Misato nodded as the visions of washing Shinji's back in the shower after the test entered her mind.

* * *

At school, questions flew thick and fast. 

Shinji was not terribly surprised by the identity of his inquisitors. Touji and Kensuke bombarded the timid boy with personal question about Katsuragi and what she wore to bed last night.

What did surprise him though, was when he saw Rei again towards the end of recess, was the evidence of a struggle.

"What happened Rei?"

"Some of the senior students they seem to think that I am trying to seduce you," Rei replied in a slightly confused tone.

"What? Why would they think that?" Shinji was just as puzzled as his new room mate.

"They are under impression that you and I are engaging in sexual relations."

"What brought this on?"

Rei finally sat down. "They asked why I am associating with you. I told them that it was my purpose to watch over you. They asked if it was all the time and I told them the truth - you are not within in my sight 24 hours a day."

Realisation dawned on Shinji as he noticed several girls looking at the pair of them. "You didn't tell them that you spent the night in my room, did you?"

Rei remained silent.

"You did, didn't you?"

"I fail to see why the truth would cause a problem."

Shinji felt like banging his head on the concrete. Before he could cause self-inflicted cranial trauma, his mobile rang.

"Hello?" he asked tentatively.

"¬Shinji! How're you doing?¬"

"Misato, why are you phoning me at school? Is there an emergency?"

"¬Can't I speak with my friend?¬"

"That's not what I meant, Misato-san! It's just that it's out of the blue."

"Hey Shinji!"

"Touji, Kensuke," Shinji greeted back.

"¬Not those idiots. What was that Ritsuko? Right. Shinji, I need you to come to NERV headquarters, Ritsuko wants to examine you.¬"

"Why?" Shinji asked suspiciously.

"¬Some of the results from that blood test came back. Something seems "off".¬"

"That last time you said something was 'off' about me, I had an unpleasant experience," he pointed out.

"¬Don't worry about that, I'll be there to keep an eye on you.¬"

"Right, I'll excuse myself from school and see you there shortly."

"¬Later, babe.¬"

Shinji turned to Rei, "I'll be going to Nerv Headquarters. Dr. Akagi and Misato want to talk about some blood test results."

"Will Dr Akagi examine you?"

"Yes, but Misato said that she'd be there."

"That is what causes me concern, Ikari-kun. Do you not recall what happened last night?" Rei asked.

"That's a bit paranoid, isn't it?" Shinji asked. "Tell you what, if you're that concerned, you can keep an eye on Dr. Akagi."

"That was my plan." Rei's tone was a little disconcerting.

"Let's go then," Shinji gathered his things and walked in the direction of the school office.

* * *

Shinji was a little confused by the sudden lack of seats on the train. Normally he'd have no trouble finding a place, but for some reason, a number of lonely women felt the need to use public transport. 

The train's number of passengers decreased soon after Rei started to give the owners of roving hands death threats.

Arriving at Nerv headquarters, Misato ushered Shinji into the infirmary, making sure to maximise torso to torso contact with the male pilot.

"What did Dr. Akagi find, Misato-san?" Shinji tried to ignore the soft jiggly parts of Misato's body pressing up against him.

"Something about a hormonal imbalance."

Before Shinji could as Misato to explain more, they arrived at their destination.

Ritsuko looked up from her computer monitor. "Ah, Shinji. I've been looking forward to this meeting. Misato, you and Rei can wait outside."

"I will remain to keep watch over Ikari-kun," Rei stated, daring the blonde to argue with her.

"Like I'm going to allow my Shin-chan to be naked without me being in the room," Misato insisted.

"How did you know about the plans for Shinji to be naked?" Ritsuko blurted out.

"I've known you for too long, Ritsuko. Now what was it that you found in Shinji's blood?" Misato asked, her impatience growing.

Ritsuko glared at her before turning to Shinji. "Something is causing Shinji's body to produce pheromones. It's these pheromones that are..." Ritsuko trailed off as she found herself staring into Shinji's eyes.

"Is something wrong, Akagi-sensei?" Shinji asked, concern evident in his gentle voice.

"Must fellate Shinji."

"What?" Misato shrieked as she pulled the boy to her ample cleavage. "Get your own toy!"

"Captain Katsuragi is correct, Dr. Akagi. You should look elsewhere for sexual release," Rei pointed out. "Captain, Ikari-kun is not a possession to be lorded over others. I will not allow anybody to treat him like a commodity to be traded."

"R-Rei?" Shinji stammered.

"Yes, Ikari-kun?" Rei smiled at Shinji.

"Thank you, no-one has stood up for me before. It means a lot to me," Shinji spoke honestly, but was obviously embarrassed by his admission.

Rei's heart soared. 'I will make sure that Ikari-kun shows his gratitude in an appropriate manner.'

Ritsuko frowned. 'Damn freak is trying to steal Shinji from me. I know...' "Oh Shinji, can I ask a favour?"

"Yes Dr. Akagi."

"First off, call me Ritsuko. Secondly, could I take a series of fluid samples from you? I need to them to see if the pheromones are transmitted and can be removed, or if they affect other animals." Ritsuko started to flutter her eyes at Shinji.

"Ritsuko-san, is there something in your eye?"

Misato laughed and pulled Shinji's face against her cleavage. "Hey, this is pretty nice."

Rei pulled Shinji away so that he could breathe. "Captain Katsuragi, this is the sort of behaviour I was referring to. Such actions endanger Ikari-kun."

Misato sobered up instantly.

Ritsuko rethought her plans for SM.

Rei copped a discrete feel of Shinji's buttocks.

Shinji panicked and made a major tactical blunder. He reminded the lovely ladies that were groping him that they had a synchronisation test to perform. Whilst this doesn't look like a mistake that rivals poking a gorilla in the face with a broom on the surface, he forgot that this was a test that would be performed naked.

And now Rei was deciding to warm her hands in pockets.

Shinji's pockets.

It was showing the signs of being a LONG day for the young Ikari.

* * *

Maya walked along the corridor, thinking about her romantic options. 'Shinji really is cute and kind, but what about Sempai? She's so smart and sexy.' 

As she approached the Eva control room she made a decision.

"Shinji's throbbing manhood or Sempai's heaving bosom? I must have them both!" Maya's nose started to bleed as she considered making love to both Shinji and Ritsuko.

Her daydream was further fuelled by images on the closed circuit monitors. Shinji was making his way to the test chambers, doing his best to hide his surprise and embarrassment at a recent, and oddly localised, growth spurt.

* * *

Rei saw Shinji's attempts to cover his modesty but did not really understand his hang ups about being naked. "Ikari-kun!" 

Shinji turned to face the direction of the voice. "A-ayamani-san," he blushed, stammered and turned his face to look away from the blue haired pilot's slender body.

"Are you all right, Ikari-kun?"

"I'll be fine, Ayanami san. But aren't you bothered about being naked near a boy?"

"I have nothing to fear from you, Ikari-kun, we are under surveillance," she pointed out the cameras to Shinji.

"People can see me naked?" Shinji started to panic.

"Stay close to me, Ikari-kun. I will cover your body with mine."

"That's even worse, Ayanami-san!" Shinji insisted.

"How so?" Rei was not the sharpest tool in the shed when it came to human behaviour.

Shinji could not believe that Rei. "B-because..."

A voice sounded out over the PA system.

"¬Pilot Ikari, we are waiting for you. Now march your cute ass down to the chamber before we lose all patience with you.¬"

A threat was something Shinji recognised. He bowed his head in apology and rushed to the testing equipment.

Rei glared daggers at the monitor. 'I was this close to having Ikari-kun rub against my body.'

* * *

Ritsuko in the control room laughed at the perceived impotence of the blue haired pilot. 

Misato was unsure of what to feel. On one hand, Shinji was now in a place where they had better quality cameras. But the on the other, Shinji wasn't feeling too confident about himself.

'Best comfort poor Shin-chan when he gets home,' she thought with a smirk.

"Sempai, Shinji-kun is ready to begin the test."

"Thank you Maya. Begin the test."

* * *

When the test had finished, Shinji was too exhausted to care about any spectators that might have been watching him on the CCTV system. Not that he remembered their presence. 

Fumbling around for the shower controls, he shivered when the blast of cold water started to wash off the LCL from his tired body. He allowed the water to refresh himself slightly before actually turning to the task at hand, cleaning the unpleasant smelling liquid from his body.

"Shinji?"

"Who said that?" Shinji asked, his vision blocked by shampoo lather. "Misato-san?"

"Wanna go out when you're done?"

"Where?" Shinji asked having rinsed his face.

"To the nearest love hotel" was the first thought that entered her head. It was looking increasingly attractive to Nerv tactical operations officer as the steam cleared.

"To see the remains of the Angel you stopped."

Shinji stepped out of the shower stall and fell over in surprise when he saw Misato staring dreamily at him, a small amount of drool was trailed from the right side of her face.

Quickly grabbing a towel, he gave his answer to his guardian. "I'll be there, just give me a few minutes to get dressed."

"The clock is ticking," Misato acknowledged, but failed to move.

"Misato, I need some privacy."

"I know where we can find some privacy, Shin-chan." Misato rose to drag the pilot to the nearest broom cupboard.

"Misato-san, I'll catch a chill," Shinji protested.

"Don't worry, I know just the thing to warm you up," the look in Misato's eye suggested many fun things.

Misato grabbed Shinji and pulled him in for a lip lock that would have erased all resistance from him.

Would have, but Rei interrupted them. "Captain Katsuragi, Ikari-kun should be clothed now."

"No, you should piss off and let me and Shinji explore each other."

"I cannot approve of such actions, Captain Katsuragi."

"F-father!"

* * *

To be continued? 

This chapter was pre-read by Chi Vayne, whose tolerance for my horrendous errors is quite impressive.

Any questions or comments?

Send your opinions via your normal method.

I'll answer what I can, but I make no guarantees.

Toodles.


	3. Chapter 3

The Adventures Jusenkyo Man:

All about Eva

By Lord Raa

Part 3

* * *

Author's note: This chapter takes place after events that have yet to be finalised posted. I do not know where this will fit in to the timeline of events yet, but you should know that things have happened to Ranma in the interim to cause an already OOC Ranma to act even stranger. Yes, even when compared to previous chapters. 

Also the following section of this "epic tale" will contain jokes that are not suitable for younger readers. I am warning you all in advance that there is a reason for the "R" rating I gave this - it contains humour of an adult nature. That means references to sexual experience and all sorts of legally and/or morally dubious activities. That could mean profane language, plot holes, violence and/or sexual deviancy.

You're on your own from here on.

* * *

"F-father!" 

"Rei informed me that something was going on," Gendo was his usual stern self. "I want to know exactly what the situation is."

Misato glared at the blue haired girl. 'That bitch. I'll get her for that.' "I was going to take Shinji to see the remains of the Angel he stopped the other day."

"But Captain Katsuragi, Ikari-kun requires clothing if he is to leave the changing room," Rei pointed out.

Dr. Akagi arrived on the scene and insisted that Shinji be towel-dried by her. To ensure that he would not catch a cold.

Gendo did not look happy at the turn of events. "Dr. Akagi!" he barked.

"What? Just because you're not getting any sex, doesn't mean that you can piss on my fireworks."

Everybody in the room blinked as Ritsuko's words sunk in.

Gendo barely managed to contain his rage. "It is obvious that my son is disrupting NERV. Gather your things, Shinji. It is time for you to go."

Shinji nodded, knowing that there was nothing he could do and that he was being discarded again. Getting dressed, he thanked Misato for giving him a place to stay. Rei was thanked, though not in the way she's hoped, for her friendship.

Rei was beginning to regret her course of action. 'I did not plan for Ikari-kun to be ejected from Nerv. I must work to get Ikari-kun reinstated as a pilot.'

Misato glared at Ritsuko. The look screamed "You dumb bitch! Now look where your perversions have gotten us!"

Ritsuko didn't know what to say. She had managed to deny the ladies of NERV their greatest reason for fighting.

"Where will Shinji go?" Misato asked.

"Away from Tokyo-3," was Gendo's callous answer.

* * *

Approximately a week after Shinji's exile from Tokyo-3, the alarms sounded the arrival of the fifth Angel causing Misato to curse loudly. "Fuck! Fuck! Fucking fuck!" 

The time spent without Shinji had not been kind to her. Her already unhealthy drinking habits had turned into alcoholism - for the past two days, she had arrived at work drunk. Whether or not it was from breakfast or still from the night before was discussed at great length.

"Captain," one of the bridge bunnies approached the frustrated officer.

"What?"

Scared, but determined to do his job, Aoba relayed the preliminary data on the Angel.

"Get ready to launch Rei in Unit 00," Misato ordered, yet inside the doubts were forming. 'What is the point? It's been over a week since anybody saw Shinji. He could be dead. And if he is, why bother continuing to live?'

* * *

Rei was not happy. Before the arrival of Shinji Ikari, it was often suspected that Rei had some kind of allergy to jocularity as no-one had seen her smile. But during her brief acquaintance with the Third Child, she had been experiencing a range of feelings, from the simple pleasure of speaking with Shinji to the murderous thoughts when another woman dared even try to touch him in the bathing suit area. 

"¬Rei, we need you to defeat the Angel quickly,¬" Fuyutsuki ordered over the comm. link.

"Yes." Rei's voice made her previous monotone feel like the emotion filled ranting stand up comedian.

* * *

Commander Ikari arrived at his post. "Report." 

"The fifth Angel has arrived. We've sent Rei in Unit 00 to stop it," Fuyutsuki informed Gendo.

Gendo Ikari, master plotter and manipulator of events that he was, was concerned that the absence of his son would alter the timeline of events. If the Angels could not be defeated, then there would be zero chance for the survival of the human race.

The Angels were the test to see if humanity was ready for what instrumentality would bring.

And without the HIP, the species known as Homo sapiens would die out.

It looked like the fifth Angel planned to start its killing spree with Rei Ayanami. A beam of charged particles so bright that it hurt the eyes of many that witnessed it, slammed into the chest of Unit 00.

"Get Rei out of there!" Gendo bellowed at his staff.

After Rei had been retrieved, Misato's cell phone rang. "What? You've found him"

There was a short reply from the man on the other end the line.

"Bring him here, it's an emergency." Hanging up she relayed the good news to the rest of the NERV staff. "Shinji's alive, Section 2 are bringing him back."

Ritsuko smiled. After all, who knew what condition he was in? He might need some serious physiotherapy or be so encrusted with filth that a sponge bath was in order.

* * *

30 minutes later, Shinji was brought back to NERV headquarters. 

"Why was I brought back, Misato-san?" Shinji asked nervously.

He was nervous because his former room mate was hugging him close to her body to prove that he was real.

"I missed you so much, Shin-chan," she sobbed.

"We all did, Shinji-kun."

"Dr. Akagi, where's Rei?"

"She's in the hospital. When the Angel attacked, her Eva caught a powerful blast in the chest section," the blonde answered.

"Is she ok?" Shinji was concerned for the blue haired pilot.

Akagi nodded. "At the moment, yes, but if don't defeat the Angel soon..." she trailed off to emphasise the seriousness of the situation.

'Shinji's in my arms and all's right with the world,' Misato thought happily. She was considerably calmer now that Shinji was found. Were circumstances different, she'd be ready to fall into a natural sleep, rather than the booze induced slumber of the past week.

"What's the Angel doing?" Shinji asked the blonde doctor.

"It's boring through the armour of the Geo-front with a modified AT field. We calculate that we have 18 hours before it breaks through. And we can't get close enough to destroy it with conventional weapons."

Misato had an idea. "What about that positron rifle the JSSDF are developing?"

Ritsuko pondered her friend's suggestion. "If we charge it with enough energy, it should have the power to punch through the Angel's AT field, but can we modify it in time? And where would we get that much electricity?"

"From all over Japan," Shinji offered. "It'll take some serious political muscle, but can't NERV do things like that?"

'Oh that's a good idea, Shin-chan. I'll have to reward you for being such a good boy,' Misato had a gleam in her eyes. "Yes. Ritsuko, run some simulations. I'll talk to the commander."

"I'll take a shower and see Ayanami-san," Shinji added.

Ritsuko had time to admire the new backbone her would be guinea pig had grown. 'I wonder what else of his he has developed? No, we don't have time for naughty fantasies, if we fail then there will be no Shinji for me to enjoy.'

* * *

Ayanami lay in the infirmary staring at the ceiling. 'I failed. Was it because there was no reason for me to succeed now that Ikari-kun is gone?' 

There was a knock at the door.

"Ayanami-san?"

"Ikari-kun?" Rei asked, hoping that it wasn't a painkiller induced hallucination.

Opening the door, Shinji entered. "Are you all right, Ayanami-san?"

Rei's face lit up like the neon of Las Vegas. "I am now, Ikari-kun. How will we defeat this Angel?"

"We have a plan. I will use a positron rifle to penetrate the Angel's AT field from a safe distance."

"Are we unable to get close?"

"Yes, if the Angel detects a threat within a certain distance, it strikes," said Shinji as he stepped closer to the bed.

"Ikari-kun, I will eat something and then I will attend the mission briefing." Rei seemed to be filled with a new source of energy. 'Now that Ikari-kun is safe, I have a reason to fight the Angels again.'

* * *

The fifth Angel was dispatched quickly, as Shinji was able to synchronise with Unit 01 better than before. However, it needed two shots from Shinji. 

Rei had still taken a hit from the Angel, but luckily Shinji had been able to damage the core and the blast was severely weakened.

Having helped Rei from the entry plug, he was a little surprised to find her hanging on to him for dear life.

"Ayanami-san?"

"Ikari-kun," she sighed.

"Are you all right, Ayanami-san?" Shinji was becoming deeply concerned, for the blue haired pilot.

"I will be, Ikari-kun," was all Rei could manage before she fell succumbed to exhaustion.

"Please, Dr Akagi, take good care of her," Shinji pleaded with the blonde doctor.

"Yes, of course, Shinji. But I want to examine you later, ok?"

Shinji nodded and left to check up on Misato.

* * *

Misato sat misty eyed as she heard Shinji calling out for her. "Shin-chan," she murmured happily. 

"Misato-san, are you there?"

"Shinji?"

Shinji breathed a sigh of relief when his house mate answered him. "Misato-san, I'm glad to see you. How have you been?"

When Shinji saw the appearance of his friend, he realised that it was a silly question. The purple haired woman had taken Shinji's absence hard. There were bags under her eyes, her uniform had stains from several meals down it and there was the unmistakable smell of alcohol on her breath.

"Let's go home, Misato, you could do with some rest." Shinji helped the captain up and supported her weight easily.

"Shin-chan, I'm not that kind of girl," Misato said unconvincingly.

"Really Misato?"

Misato laughed for the first time in over a week. "Yeah, I'm a lady, Mr. Ikari. Remember that."

"Then whose is the hand around my waist?" Shinji asked suspiciously.

Misato managed to blush. "I've just been so lonely, Shin-chan."

"I missed you too, Misato-san. Do you want me to get someone to drive us home?"

His question was answered with a yawn and the sounds of light snoring. "I'll get a driver, then shall I?"

* * *

When Shinji and Misato arrived at their apartment, Shinji thanked the driver. 

"No problem kid, we owe you for saving us."

Shinji shrugged. "I guess."

Fumbling around for the keys to the apartment, he was surprised to see his father open the door.

"Father?"

"Shinji," he greeted his estranged son.

"Why are you here father?" Shinji asked as he shifted Misato so that he could remove her shoes.

"We need to have a long discussion about your role at NERV. I will see you in my office at 10 tomorrow morning. Do not be late." And with that simple instruction, Gendo left his son to deal with a sleeping woman.

Having managed to carry Misato to her room, he was taken aback when she wrapped her arms around him.

"Shin-chan, please, stay the night. I won't try anything, I promise."

This was making Shinji uncomfortable. "Misato-san, are you sure? What will people think?"

"I don't care, Shinji. Everyone knows that you're a nice guy, and that you wouldn't do anything to a sleeping woman. Please allow me to get some rest."

"Only if you promise to cut down on your drinking, Misato-san," Shinji voiced his demand for the bargain.

"Deal," Misato agreed.

When morning arrived, Shinji was not terribly shocked to find Misato wrapped around his body.

'She looks so peaceful, but I have to get ready to get her ready for work, then I need to see my father.'

Shinji managed to extricate himself from Misato's bizarre hold, but not before she moved in her sleep and brushed her hand against his body. 'I guess she didn't do that on purpose, but first things first. Laundry.'

Grabbing some of Misato's outfits, he sighed when he realised that he lacked the facilities to wash all the dirty clothes. "Best if I do this first."

As he hand washed the least soiled uniform, something caught his eye and caused him to ask a valid question. Does Misato currently have any clean underwear?

Hanging up the uniform to dry, he started to prepare breakfast for his friend. Satisfied that he could leave it for a few minutes, he went to wake up the captain.

"Misato-san."

"Shin-chan?" she asked hopefully. "You're back!"

"For the time being, Misato-san. Now, I've got you a uniform drying and breakfast is on the way. The bath will be ready in three quarters of an hour, but I need to know something, Misato-san," Shinji had already acquired a serious blush about this last point.

"Yes?" 'He looks after me so well, I must reward such behaviour.'

Shinji coughed. "Doyouhaveanycleanunderwear?"

"What was that?"

"Do you have any clean underwear?" Shinji was forced to look away in embarrassment.

'He's soooo cute, I must hug him.' Misato pulled the pilot into an affectionate embrace.

"M-misato, you said you wouldn't do anything like this," Shinji whined.

"Hush, it's the price you pay for wanting to know about my underwear, Shin-chan," Misato teased. Upon hearing Shinji's muffled cries about breakfast burning, she let him go. "I'll tell you when you come back, Shin-chan."

Resigning himself to more teasing, Shinji went back to the morning meal. His attempts to prevent the ruination of the soup were sabotaged by the nuzzling Misato subjected him to.

"Misato-san, please. Breakfast."

Misato just smirked. "Hush, you got me excited when you mentioned my underwear. Is my little Shinji ready to become a man?"

Shinji gulped as the purple haired beauty started to caress his body. "Misato-san, what did we say about touching me?"

"Hey, if I'm giving up booze, I need something to fill the void," Misato argued.

"True, but not while I'm cooking," Shinji countered.

Releasing her grip, Misato grumbled cutely. "In answer to your question, Shin-chan, I don't have any clean underwear. You left just before laundry day, remember?"

Shinji sighed. "Yeah."

Misato had yet another naughty thought. "Shinji, would you be a darling and wash my back for me" she asked in her best "I'm so pure and innocent that I don't even go to the toilet" voice.

"After we've eaten, Misato-san." Shinji looked up from the food. "Wait a minute"

Misato giggled. "You can't go back on your word, Shinji. You don't want to get a bad reputation, do you?"

Shinji struggled to find a suitable response that wasn't a whine. Instead he settled for announcing the readiness of their food.

* * *

During bath time, Misato pulled Shinji's hands around her waist, as if the intimacy displayed was a regular occurrence. 

"Misato-san, please, it's not proper."

"It's not proper making children risk their lives, Shinji. At least allow me to make you a man" Misato offered as she turned round to kiss Shinji on the lips.

'Closer, just a little closer,' she thought.

A knock on the door interrupted her.

"Misato-san?"

Misato's eyes shot open as she realised she'd been daydreaming in the tub. "Damn."

"Misato-san, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm done. Why what's the rush?"

"My father wants to talk with me about my role at NERV. He was here last night when we got home," Shinji explained.

"Oh, he's not going to send you away is he?" Misato sounded sad at that idea.

"I-I don't know, Misato-san," Shinji confessed.

* * *

At NERV headquarters, many pairs of eyes under female ownership found Shinji to be a pleasant sight. 

Maya escorted Shinji from the main entrance. "Shinji-kun, I'm glad that you came back to help us."

"I'm just glad that I was able to help you, Ibuki-san," Shinji said modestly. "Why are all these women staring at me?"

Maya blushed as she thought about how to word the truth. "We're just interested in seeing the saviour of Tokyo-3, Shinji-kun. Any idea what you father wanted to see you about?"

"I don't know what he wants of me," Shinji answered pensively.

"I'm sure that he realised his mistake last week, Shin-chan," Misato replied. running to catch up to them. "Productivity was down something shocking during your absence."

After taking in Misato's newly smartened appearance, Maya's eye twitched. 'It's bad enough that she shamelessly teases poor Shinji-kun, but now she's making him do her laundry and housework, too. Not that I'd mind him washing my panties.' That last thought removed her murderous urges and replaced them with ones of a more adult nature.

Misato absently took Shinji's arm. 'When did he become so cute? Never mind, I need to convince his bastard of a father to let him stay at my place.'

* * *

Arriving at Gendo's office, Shinji was filled with a sense of dread. "Here goes nothing," he reasoned half-heartedly. 

Upon hearing the knock on the door, Gendo commanded his son to enter.

"Father," Shinji started nervously.

"Shinji. I take it you know why you are here" Gendo started ominously. "Captain Katsuragi, Lieutenant Ibuki, your presence is not required."

Seeing that the two women were considering an act of defiance, Gendo decided to forego the pre-amble. "Shinji, your presence is disruptive to Nerv but you absence affects us far more."

"What do you mean, father?"

"Pilot Ayanami has requested that she share living arrangements with you, so that she can 'protect the best hope for the survival of the human race'. Naturally this causes problems for us. This is not an isolated request; Dr Akagi has expressed a desire to keep you under close observation."

"I don't want to be a bother to anyone," Shinji's voice was as timid as ever.

'Too late, Shinji,' Gendo thought, 'SEELE have changed their plans - they no longer deem you to be expendable.' "Captain Katsuragi, it has been decided that you will protect Shinji. Do not allow him to come to any harm."

Shinji blinked. He'd been expecting some form of punishment.

Misato smiled, she knew just how best to "protect" Shinji.

Maya managed to hide her disappointment at not being Shinji's lover. Err, guardian. That was an honest mistake. It's not her fault that Shinji's pleasant smell caused her brain to start tripping out.

"You are all dismissed."

* * *

To be continued... 

Well, as you can see, even people like Gendo get things wrong. Evidently what they say about assumption is true.

Do you want me to write the next part of this, or would you like me to get back to the main "plot" line, where Ranma is scheduled to meet a certain young boy that needs to be taught swordsmanship?

Or are you all content to read about the misadventures of Shinji?

Any questions or comments?

Send your opinions via your normal method.

Until the next time you stumble around here.


	4. Chapter 4

The Adventures Jusenkyo Man: 

All About Eva

By Lord Raa

Chapter 4

* * *

Author's note: This chapter takes place after events that have yet to be finalised posted. I do not know where this will fit in to the timeline of events yet, but you should know that things have happened to Ranma in the interim to cause an already OOC Ranma to act even stranger. Yes, even when compared to previous chapters. 

Also the following section of this "epic tale" will contain jokes that are not suitable for younger readers. I am warning you all in advance that there is a reason for the "R" rating I gave this - it contains humour of an adult nature. That means references to sexual experience and all sorts of legally and/or morally dubious activities. That could mean profane language, plot holes, violence and/or sexual deviancy.

You're on your own from here on.

* * *

Misato was happy. She had been given the task of protecting Shinji from harm, and it was a task she did not mind in the slightest. Especially as she had managed to trick the pilot into allowing her to keep an eye on him through out the day. 

Shinji had not been too thrilled about the zeal with which Misato had taken to her task. While he liked Misato and her company, he was used to being left alone for long periods of time. Unsurprisingly, he was unused to the close proximity of Misato for long periods of time.

Her policy of keeping Shinji in sight at all times was particularly worrying, not to mention embarrassing for any male of his age. Though he had to admit that the hugs at night did comfort him in the wake of the Evangelion induced nightmares.

But Shinji's school denied Katsuragi access to him except during an emergency, stating that her presence would prove to be a disruption. Even after that Misato had snuck into Shinji's class disguised as a student "just to be sure that no one would try to hurt Nerv's best pilot".

It was a good plan while it lasted, at least from the view of Touji and Kensuke. Misato had borrowed one of Rei's school uniforms, and so was camouflaged from the teacher.

Unfortunately, it was when she declared herself to be Shinji's girlfriend in an attempt to fend off the girls in the class that the jiggle was up.

Kensuke was glad he had his camera on him that day. He went on to make a lot of money from the sales of that tape.

Shinji had just held his face in his hands as he watched NERV's tactical operations officer nearly get into a fistfight with a bunch of love struck schoolgirls.

It was at this point that Rei reaffirmed her commitment to Shinji's wellbeing by offering to keep watch of him during school hours.

Misato was about to protest when Shinji insisted that he would be fine under Rei's protection.

Rei misheard this. She heard "I'll be fine under Ayanami-san." After the fifth Angel, Rei had taken it upon herself to do an investigation into human behaviour. For better or worse, Rei's research had included the perusal of some adult material, so that when she heard the words "I'll be fine under Ayanami-san", a stream of images entered her mind. Images that were leading to ideas that were looking better and better the more she thought about them.

'Ikari-kun seems a bit skittish. Perhaps it would be a good idea to tie him to the bed to stop him from running away,' she considered. Had it been anybody else, there would have been signs of daydreaming.

Misato begrudgingly left the school grounds, but only after demanding a hug from Shinji, to "get her through the rest of the day".

"Misato-san, what are you doing?" Shinji squeaked out.

"Just checking for any wounds or bruises," Misato answered with a grin. "I do care about you, Shin-chan."

"I care about you too, Misato-san," Shinji replied, not knowing the chain of events he was setting into motion.

Misato's smile faded as she remembered that she was being forced to leave Shinji behind. "I'll see you later, Shin-chan."

Rei tried to shoo the older woman away from Shinji."Farewell, Captain Katsuragi."

Misato's frown at the blue haired girl turned into a smile as she remembered that tonight was Shinji's bath night.

"Catch you later, Shin-chan."

* * *

After school, Shinji found himself cleaning the in apartment's kitchen. 

"Damn, this floor is filthy," he grumbled.

"Sorry Shinji, you know what my job's like. I never really had the chance to keep the place clean," Misato apologised for the state of her residence, but not for ogling Shinji's posterior.

Shinji shivered as he felt her eyes caress his behind.

Misato nearly drooled as she saw the muscles in his buttocks clench involuntarily. 'So cute, must rub them to bring out the shine.' "Shinji, seeing as you're by the fridge, would you be a darling and get me a beer?"

Shinji frowned. "Misato, it's not even dark and you're drinking?"

Misato winced at the disappointment in the young Ikari's voice. "But beer..." she protested weakly.

"Misato you drink too much."

The purple haired woman looked at Shinji strangely.

"I don't want to see you hurt," Shinji explained when he interpreted the look he was receiving.

Misato's vision was filled with hearts and falling cherry blossoms as she realised that Shinji cared for her. Not about trying to get her in bed, but her as a person.

"Let's go for a walk, Misato. Some fresh air will do us good."

Misato nodded. "Yes, a romantic walk in the park's a great idea, Shinji."

Shinji stood up. "Let's get changed and we can go."

Misato rushed to her room. 'What do I wear for my date with Shin-chan?' she asked herself as she rooted through her closet. 'Something sexy or casual? Should I go for heels? I don't want to tower over him.'

Five minutes later Shinji knocked on her door.

"Misato-san? Are you ready?"

"Yep, just gotta put my shoes on," she replied through the door.

When she stepped out, she gave Shinji a twirl. "You like?"

Shinji nodded as he took in the tight-fitting shirt and... "Misato-san?"

"Yeah, Shin-chan?"

"I think you forgot something." Shinji pointed to her lack of lower garments.

"Oops, silly me." Misato turned around and bent over to pick up her jogging bottoms, giving Shinji a great view of her G-string clad ass.

Realising that he was staring, Shinji quickly turned away. "Misato-san, you shouldn't do things like that."

Misato smiled. "Why? Am I going to get you excited?"

Shinji's response was to blush even more.

"Let's go Shinji, I've a good feeling about this evening."

* * *

Out on their walk, Misato was in the process of feeling Shinji up good when a man shouted at the pair of them. 

"Hey lady, how about spending some time with a real man?"

Shinji looked at the man in question. "Leave her alone."

"Piss off back home, kid. I'm trying to score here."

Misato stepped back. "Find someone else, pal."

The man was under the impression that Misato was playing hard to get and grabbed her wrist. "Don't be that way babe, I know just the place."

Shinji didn't like where this was going. Leaping into action, he kicked the man in the balls and went for a Three Stooges eye poke. Seeing the man fall to the ground in pain, he took Misato's hand and pulled her away from the scene of the crime.

"Quick Misato!"

Misato was unable to think for herself and followed Shinji to the nearest coffee shop.

"Are you ok, Misato-san?" Shinji asked, concern etched on his face.

Having had her brain calm down and take stock of the situation, Misato nodded. "Hold me Shinji" she requested in a quiet voice.

Not knowing what else to do, Shinji did as asked. Trying to calm Misato down, he stroked her hair as he spoke what he hoped were soothing words.

As he finished up, Misato kissed him on the lips as a thank you.

"M-misato-san!"

"You deserve a lot more than that, Shinji."

"Captain Katsuragi."

The embracing pair turned to the new voice.

"Ayanami-san?"

"Ikari-kun, how are you feeling?"

"Shinji feels great, especially here" Misato answered, tracing patterns on the boy's stomach.

"There you are, you little cocksucker!"

"Oh shit!" Misato exclaimed.

"I'll make sure that you suffer, cocktease. Oooh, jailbait too."

Shinji stepped in between his friends and the violent looking man. "I won't let you hurt my friends."

"Big words from a little boy. Let's see how brave you really are." He pulled out a knife and waved it around showing all that he meant business.

Shinji gulped. 'I mustn't run away.'

Grabbing a nearby tray, Shinji held it like a shield.

Ready to deflect a slash, he circled the criminal slowly, trying to think of the best way out of this situation.

Rei surreptitiously picked up a saucer. "Ikari-kun, duck"

Shinji dove to his right, to avoid a lung penetrating thrust at the correct moment as the piece of crockery spun through the air like a frisbee and struck the man bridge of the nose, right between the eyes.

Reacting with a speed that belied his non-combatant status in everyday life, Shinji used the tray as a club. Bringing it down on the knife hand, he managed to disarm his opponent.

"You fuckers!" the man shouted as he stood back up. "I'll kill you all and rape your still warm bodies!"

This was too much for Shinji to hear.

Arming himself with the newly freed blade, he charged the man and aimed to puncture the jugular. Shinji stabbed the man with enough force to break the blade.

"No one threatens my friends like that," he stated defiantly to the bleeding man. "No one on Earth."

As the adrenalin left his system, Shinji looked at what was making his hand sticky.

"What have I done?" he asked rhetorically as he sank to his knees.

"S-shinji?" Misato asked hesitantly.

"Ikari-kun?" Rei asked as the police arrived on the scene.

"Nobody move," the first one through the door ordered. "What's going on here?"

Rei turned to the uniformed officer. "This man threatened us with this knife," she pointed to the damaged weapon on the floor. "Ikari-kun saved us by killing him in self defence."

"Who are you?"

"I am Rei Ayanami, that is Captain Katsuragi and he is Shinji Ikari. We are with NERV."

The second cop looked at the crimson eyed girl suspiciously. "Really?"

"I have my ID card with me, if you require proof."

"I do. Empty your bag on the table, slowly."

Rei did as ordered, sliding the pass to the policeman.

"NERV huh? That still doesn't mean that you can get away with murder."

Shinji started to sob as the enormity of what he'd done sank in. "I killed someone."

Misato took charge of the situation. "Right, I'm reaching into my bag for my phone. I'm going to call Section 2. We will get everything sorted out."

As Misato speed dialled the Section 2 emergency number, Rei sat next to Shinji and tried to comfort the sobbing boy.

"Ikari-kun, you should not have risked your life for us. You are too important to risk in a knife fight." Rei's words, while true were not the correct thing to say to someone who has just taken a life.

Moments later, a car driven by plain clothes detectives pulled up out side.

"What's going on here?" the lead man asked.

"Apparently the boy killed this man," the first cop answered.

"That's right," a waitress confirmed. "But that man started it. He started waving the knife around, but the kid wouldn't have it and saved us all." The witnessing waitress seemed impressed by Shinji's selfless nature.

The lead detective nodded. "Right. We'll take it from here, Officer."

* * *

Shinji sat handcuffed in the interview room at the police station. The remorse on his face was there for all to see. He did not want to leave Misato to fend for herself, yet he had said nothing to weasel his way out of the murder charge. 

The detective in charge of the investigation entered the room.

"Shinji Ikari?"

"Yes sir?" the pilot responded in his usual timid voice.

"It has been decided that we're dropping the charges. We have witnesses and security camera footage that confirm that you acted in self-defence."

Shinji was shocked. "I'm free to go?"

"Yes."

"But I killed a man!"

"You killed a man that threatened two of your friends that happen to vital in to the survival of the human race," Detective Sanada corrected. "Are you going to go around killing people?"

"No! Of course not," Shinji insisted truthfully.

"Then I don't see the problem, Shinji. Look, even if there wasn't political pressure, I'd be tempted to let you go. Just try to control your rage when you're out in public."

"I will sir," Shinji looked up.

"And give me a call when you turn 18," the policeman winked at Shinji.

Before Shinji could decipher the meaning of the cop's words, Misato and Rei burst in.

"Ikari-kun does not participate in gay bum sex, Detective," Rei insisted.

Misato pressed Shinji's face into her cleavage and used the power of female suggestion. "Breasts, Shin-chan, breasts. Remember you like jiggly bits not dangly parts."

Sanada was back footed by the sudden turn of events. "I was just joking, young lady."

Misato turned to the seemingly newly outed cop. "I don't care if you are joking or if you if you want to lick honey off his chest, you will stay away from Shinji Ikari!"

"Misato-san, can we go now?" Shinji was beginning to feel strange things now that Misato's nipple was poking him in the temple.

"Yes Shin-chan, let's go."

"Rei, are you coming with us?" Shinji asked his schoolmate.

"No, I must speak with Commander Ikari about an important matter" Rei replied.

* * *

When Shinji and Misato returned home, the captain asked her live in housekeeper how he felt. 

"I don't know Misato-san. I mean I hate myself for ending a man's life, but the fact I was protecting you and Rei is making me feel, I don't know, kind of good. As if it was something I was meant to do," Shinji explained.

"What about my tits in your face?" Misato asked slyly.

"Well, it felt good, and I think I'd like to experience that again." Shinji paused. "I just said that out loud didn't I?"

"Yes," Misato confirmed. She noticed that he was massaging his wrists. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I just don't like the idea of being restrained."

Misato's sex-starved mind started to work out role-play scenarios with this wild, untamed Shinji. "Oh yeah," she mumbled.

"Misato-san?"

"Yes Shinji-sama, do me doggy-style," Misato blurted out when the young man shook her gently to get her attention.

"M-misato-san, you're scaring me," Shinji confessed.

"I'm not scary, Shin-chan, I'm just lonely." Misato managed to sound slightly hurt as she explained.

"I'm sorry, Misa-" Shinji was cut off by another person's tongue in his mouth.

When Katsuragi broke to give the kissee a chance to breathe, she asked, "Just how sorry are you? If you're truly sorry, then you'd help relieve the loneliness."

Shinji sighed in defeat.

Luckily, he was saved from giving in to Misato's lusty urges right now by the knock on the door. Though a small part of him was frustrated by the interruption.

"Go away, we're busy," Misato shouted at the door.

There was more knocking.

"I said go away."

"I am here to see Ikari-kun?" a monotone voice replied.

"Ayanami-san?"

"Ikari-kun, I am here to speak with you. May I come in?"

"Sure, Ayanami-san. I'll get the door, Misato."

Rei Ayanami stood at the door wearing a kimono that seemed to be barely closed.

"Good evening, Ikari-kun."

"Good evening, Ayanami-san. What did you want to talk about?"

"Yes, Rei. Why are you here?" Misato asked suspiciously.

"Misato, why are you so suspicious of Ayanami? It's not like she'll do something like Dr. Akagi" Shinji pointed out.

Misato was about to concede to Shinji's point when Rei's kimono fell open.

"Oh dear," Rei deadpanned, "it seems that I have exposed myself to Ikari-kun."

* * *

To be continued... 

Thanks go out to Chi Vayne for pointing out various errors to me.

Any questions?

Send your opinions via your normal method.


	5. Chapter 5

The Adventures Jusenkyo Man: 

All About Eva.

By Lord Raa

Part 5

* * *

Author's note: This chapter takes place after events that have yet to be finalised & posted. I do not know where this will fit in to the timeline of events yet, but you should know that things have happened to Ranma in the interim to cause an already OOC Ranma to act even stranger. Yes, even when compared to previous chapters. 

Also the following section of this "epic tale" will contain jokes that are not suitable for younger readers. I am warning you all in advance that there is a reason for the "R" rating I gave this - it contains humour of an adult nature. That means references to sexual experience and all sorts of legally and/or morally dubious activities. That could mean profane language, plot holes, violence and/or sexual deviancy.

You're on your own from here on.

* * *

Rei stood with her hands on her hips. 'This should allow Ikari-kun to get a good view.' 

Misato was not impressed with this turn of events. Not that she hadn't planned to do the same for her love, but it was the principle of the matter - you don't just barge into someone else's house and try to seduce their bedroom companion.

"Rei," she growled threateningly as she advanced on the interloper.

Fearing violence, Shinji stepped between his friends. "Please don't fight."

Misato stopped as soon as she felt Shinji's hand on her breast.

Turning slowly to the purple haired lovely, Shinji's face took on a look of horror as he saw where he was in contact with Misato.

In the tradition of all males finding themselves in that situation, Shinji squeezed out of some bizarre reflex.

"Ooh," Misato moaned. "That's right Shinji keep touching me."

Rei decided that she did not want to be left out. She stepped to Shinji and placed his free hand on her own bare chest.

"I owe you my life Ikari-kun. Do with me as you will," Rei offered.

Blood flowed around Shinji's body thanks to his racing heart.

"I must agree with Dr Akagi's statement of 'must fellate Shinji,'" Rei smiled when she saw where some of the blood was flowing.

"What do you know about pleasuring a man?" Misato asked pointedly. "You're just a girl; Shinji needs a woman to show him the joys of adulthood."

Rei's mind was geared towards tactical thinking and was about to use Misato's argument to her advantage. But before she could retort, the ringing of his mobile phone alerted Shinji to an avenue of escape.

"H-hello?" he asked.

Shinji, it's me, Ritsuko. How're you doing? Misato hasn't corrupted you has she?

"Ritsuko-san. Something's going on with Misato and Ayanami."

'They're trying to take you away from me,' Ritsuko wisely kept her opinion to herself.

"Shinji, don't bother with Ritsuko, she's just a bitter husk of a woman. Pick me instead, I'm a lot more fun," Misato suggested as she hugged Shinji.

"¬A BITTER HUSK OF A WOMAN!¬"

Shinji was forced to move the phone from his ear.

"¬Don't trust Misato, she was the biggest floozy on campus when she was at college. She had to visit the Clap Clinic.¬"

Shinji, naive as he was, did not know what the blonde doctor meant by "The Clap" and turned to a highly embarrassed Misato for clarification. The answer was not to come from that quarter though.

"It is a generic term for a sexually transmitted disease," Rei smiled as the means for her verbal victory were handed to her. "Ikari-kun, I can assure you that there is no risk of you catching a disease if you sleep with me."

Ritsuko's eyes widened as she realised that the only reason Misato hadn't already jumped Shinji's bones was because of the competition that Rei provided. 'Damn, I've got to get Shinji away from them and into my bed.'

"¬Shinji-darling, I need you.¬"

"For what Ritsuko-san?"

"¬For a night of passi-¬"

Misato had calmly removed the battery from Shinji's phone.

"Misato-san?"

"Oops," she cutely apologised. "I'm sorry, Shin-chan, but as your guardian, it's my job to keep you as safe as I can. Remember what Ritsuko tried to do to your cute ass?"

Shinji nodded.

"A legal guardian should not be trying to seduce their charge, Captain Katsuragi," Rei pointed out as she slid up to Shinji's side.

"Why do you care about Shinji?"

"I already explained that I owe my life to Ikari-kun because of his actions today. I am doing everything in my power to repay that debt."

"So you throw yourself at him like a cheap whore?"

"It takes one to know one, Captain Katsuragi."

Misato fumed with impotent rage.

"Please, don't fight."

These three softly spoken words stopped the argument dead.

"Ikari-kun/Shinji?" the ladies asked, concern showing for the young man.

"I'm not proud of what I did earlier today. I'm not noble, not a hero - I'm just someone that acted on instinct. I don't deserve such kind treatment for such a shameful act."

"I disagree, Ikari-kun," Rei countered. "You acted to ensure the safety of others. There is no shame in that."

Shinji looked up, sadness and remorse etched on his face. "But I killed a man."

Misato shook her head. "No, Shinji. You saved those closest to you. Please, allow us to take your mind off all the unpleasantness." She started to stroke his arm lovingly.

His will draining, Shinji began to nod. When his head reached the lowest point on its journey, he saw Misato's hand unzip his fly. "M-misato-san?"

"Don't worry, Shinji, I'll be gentle," she spoke soothing words into his ear.

The Captain's hand had stopped moving and was held in place to prevent "unauthorised access" (that would be anybody that wasn't her) when she heard a polite cough come from the doorway.

"I don't think that Shinji-kun would appreciate losing his virginity in a hallway, Captain Katsuragi," Maya Ibuki pointed out.

All eyes turned to the young lieutenant. The popular opinion, by two to one, was "what the hell are you doing here, bitch?" Shinji's, the dissenter, thoughts were "thank god you're here, something's up with these two".

"Just what kind of sordid things are you trying to do to poor Shinji here?"

"I was hoping that Ikari-kun would be the one doing me, Lt Ibuki."

Maya blinked as the pale skinned pilot stepped between her and Shinji. "Rei?"

"You are not Ikari-kun's; therefore you do not belong here. Please leave."

Maya started to whimper as her plans for being the filling in a Shinji and Sempai sandwich were kyboshed.

'Denied!' Misato thought evilly as rubbed her cheek against Shinji's face. 'Hmm, smooth.'

"Ibuki-san, are you all right?" Shinji was becoming uncomfortable with the idea of a distraught female.

'Shinji cares about me!' Maya's heart began to soar. "I will be, Shinji-kun."

"That's nice to hear, but Shinji and I are tired. We're going to bed now. Good night, Lieutenant," Misato ushered the junior officer out of her apartment.

"B-b-b-but," Maya started her protest.

Rei stepped up to remove the obstacle in her path to her evening of pleasure at the hands of Shinji. "We have no need for motorboat sound effects, Lt Ibuki. As was stated before, Ikari-kun will be engaging in tiring activities and it is getting late. Good night."

Rei turned to the face the residents of the apartment and was greeted with the sight of Misato kissing and licking the male pilot's throat and neck.

"Mmm, you taste real good, Shin-chan."

Rei twitched ever so slightly as she saw Shinji stiffen in both panic and arousal at Captain Katsuragi's attention.

The door was reopened by Maya.

Misato was not smiling. "What is this, some kind of farce?"

"Look I found Pen-pen!" Maya pointed out.

"I wondered where he went," Misato confessed absently.

Shinji was glad for the interruption. "I'll go prepare some refreshments."

* * *

At the dining table, Shinji handed cups of tea to everyone.

"So did Pen-pen just appear at the door?" Misato asked Ibuki.

"Uh-huh," she nodded, using the movement of her head to get a good look at Shinji.

"So what brings you here, Ibuki-san?" Shinji asked as he sat down.

Maya resisted the "confess now!" glare that Rei and Misato were giving that would have caused her to scream the truth of "I wanted to have sweaty sex with Shinji and Akagi-sempai."

"I wanted to see how you were holding up after what happened today."

"Shinji-kun would be doing a lot better if people weren't interrupting us," Misato pointed out.

"Yes. There are too many people in the way of Ikari-kun pleasuring me," Rei bluntly put forth her opinion.

Shinji's cheeks swelled with blood.

'Brazen whores, the pair of them!' thought Maya. 'Shinji's chastity is in danger here, I must act.'

Misato read Maya's face and knew exactly what she was thinking. "Shinji is not in any danger, Maya. Rei's doing an excellent job of preventing me and Shinji from playing the really kinky sort of sex games."

"You and Shinji are already...?" Maya was a little stunned.

"I wish!" Misato sipped her tea. "He keeps being a bad boy by not doing naughty things with me."

All the blood in Shinji's face started to make him feel dizzy. "I-I think I'll have a lie down."

Concern won out over hormones and the ladies allowed Shinji to get some rest. After all, what good would it do to kill the golden lay? No, it would be far better to allow Shinji to recuperate and then take him as if the world would be ending soon.

* * *

Shinji woke up feeling better than he had for a long time.

The others in the house were relieved that Shinji was feeling better. In fact, Misato commented on how much better Shinji would feel between her legs.

Misato answered the ringing phone. "Hello?"

Hi Misato, are you ready for the Jet Alone junket?

'Shit, it's Ritsuko! I forgot about that press damn thing.' "Almost Ritsuko. I need a bit longer, Shinji wasn't up to making breakfast this morning," she lied. Shinji had been up to preparing food for the others, but had woken up later than planned.

Is Shinji all right? He's not hurt is he?

"No, he was just a bit tired, he had stressful day yesterday after all. And no, I didn't do anything with Shinji last night, Ritsuko."

That's a relief. Hey, why don't we invite Shinji along with to this thing?

"That's a not a bad idea, Ritsuko. I'll ask him. Hey Shinji, you want to skip school with me and Ritsuko?"

Shinji had a nagging feeling that he was being kept in the dark. "What for?"

"To see a JSSDF project. It might mean fewer missions in Unit 01. Come on, a day off school," Misato offered.

Shinji nodded as his mouth was full of toast.

"Ritsuko, yeah he'll come with us."

Good, I'll be by to pick him up shortly.

"Us, you mean, Ritsuko," Misato ground out.

Hehe, yeah, silly mistake. Sorry about that, Misato. Ritsuko quickly hung up for fear of saying something else to alienate her old friend and guardian of Shinji.

Shinji took this opportunity to take a quick wash.

Deciding that it wouldn't do for her to lose ground to the older rivals, Rei spoke up. "I will accompany Ikari-kun on this trip."

"Why?" Misato asked.

"This trip will require an overnight stay in a hotel and I am aware of the designs both you and Dr Akagi have on Ikari-kun."

"Like you don't want him," Misato scoffed.

"It is true that if the circumstances arose, I would be happy to be intimate with Shinji," Rei replied.

"So you mean that 'if I wasn't here', you'd both be naked quick as a flash?" Misato asked as a dangerous twitch developed in her left eye.

"Yes," Rei answered with a scarily straight face.

All attention was suddenly on Pen-pen as he made the penguin equivalent of a snigger. 'Whoops, I may have made his sex appeal a bit too strong. Ah, fuck it; I'll let him enjoy the attention. Every saviour of humanity should have two or more hot chicks fight over him at least once.'

Turning her attention to the blue haired pilot, Misato played one of her trump cards. "Well, you weren't invited, Rei. You have to go to school."

"What about Ikari-kun?"

A knock on the door forced Misato to pause the argument momentarily.

"What about whom?" Ritsuko asked from the doorway.

Misato twitched. "You're early, Ritsuko."

"I'm not that early, you've just got poor time keeping skills, Misato," Ritsuko lied. She had called from her mobile phone in an attempt to catch Shinji dressing for school. "Now who were you talking about?"

"I was concerned that Ikari-kun's education would suffer because of this excursion," Rei answered.

"I'll home tutor him," Ritsuko offered. Though she neglected to mention that Sex Ed would be a major part of the syllabus.

Shinji returned from the bathroom drying his hands. "Good morning Ritsuko-san."

"Good morning, Shinji-kun," Ritsuko returned sweetly. 'I'll show him that I'm still a lively woman.'

Misato threw her arm around Shinji. "Let's go to this thing, then shall we? I'll brief you in the back of the car."

Ritsuko had a good idea of what Misato wanted to brief Shinji on. "I don't think that's right, Misato."

The captain rolled her eyes. "Ritsuko, please, do you honestly think that I'd jump Shinji in the back of your car?"

"I do not know what to think, Captain Katsuragi. After all, you have expressed desires that would be considered improper were you to follow them up with Ikari-kun," Rei offered. "If I am there to accompany you, then we can be sure that Ikari-kun's chastity will remain intact."

Misato laughed. "Just moments ago you said that if you could, you'd shag Shinji senseless!"

Ritsuko shook her head. "But we don't have enough hotel rooms booked as it is. We're being forced to bunk up."

Misato was about to smile as she recalled the arrangements until a thought occurred to her. 'If Ritsuko's there, she'll interfere with me and Shinji.'

"Please, I told you that I don't deserve this attention. I'd be better off staying here," Shinji's self-esteem had still to rise to the levels Ranma had wanted.

"Waarrk!"

Shinji turned to the penguin and flinched when he felt the glare he was getting from the flightless bird.

"See, Shin-chan, Pen-pen thinks you should come with us," Misato said as she hugged Shinji.

Sighing, Shinji gave in. "Ok, but only if you promise not to fight."

Ritsuko smiled. "Of course, Shinji-kun, we're professionals."

"Wark," Pen-pen nodded in approval.

"Then we're all set," Misato moved to finish her preparations. "Rei, you can have shotgun."

Rei looked confused by Misato's term. "I fail to see how being in possession of firearms is relevant to the situation."

Returning from her room, Misato pointed out what she meant. "It means you sit in the front seat."

"Oh," Rei replied. 'Perhaps I can adjust the rear-view mirror to keep Ikari-kun under surveillance.'

Ritsuko was roused from her reverie by Rei's gentle poking. "But Shinji, I need to pay attention while I'm driving. I can't afford to spare a hand just now."

"A hand for what, Dr Akagi?" Rei asked suspiciously.

"To relieve you Shinji," Ritsuko blushed lightly.

Misato's loud and exaggerated cough alerted the blonde to her faux pas. "Driver's shouldn't molest their passengers, Ritsuko."

"And I suppose that you think that it's ok for you to do so?" Ritsuko countered.

"I said no fighting," Shinji protested weakly.

"Sorry, Shin-chan," Misato apologised.

"Sorry, Shinji," Ritsuko bowed her head.

Rei took this opportunity to get close to Shinji. "I will protect you from harm, Shinji-kun."

Ritsuko noticed the fact that Rei was becoming familiar with Shinji. 'Little bitch.'

Misato had similar thoughts, only hers were tempered with the idea that Rei was a doll and that Shinji needed a "hands on" style of tutoring in the arts of love making.

"Let's go," Shinji offered. He was becoming uncomfortable with the atmosphere.

* * *

On the journey to the junket, Misato managed to behave in a responsible fashion. She refrained from placing a hand on Shinji's leg. Instead, she opted to show the pilot the paperwork she had been given about the mission.

The fact that she was under close scrutiny did play a part in this decision, one that was much larger than she would have admitted.

Ritsuko thought about how Shinji would a chance to become better acquainted with her and the back seat of her car.

The seatbelts were causing Rei to consider potential situations where Shinji would be restrained, only with far skimpier clothing.

When they arrived, Misato pointed out the cameras, and waved.

Shinji looked nervous as he noticed a female member of the press smile and walk up to the Nerv delegation.

"Hello, my name is Haruko Tanaka; I'm with Tokyo-3 News. Can I get an interview with any of you?"

Though her question was directed to all of them, her gaze was settled on Shinji. "Which of you is the pilot of the Evangelion?"

Shinji looked embarrassed at the attention he was receiving.

'Aww, he look so cute like that,' Haruko thought. "Is it ok for me to get an interview with the famous Evangelion pilot?"

Misato was suspicious of the reporter. "Maybe later. But I need to be there, for security purposes."

Haruko nodded, but she got the feeling that Misato's concerns about security were not about the disclosure of Nerv secrets. But that may have been because of the way Misato looked around looking for an excuse to throw herself on top of Shinji.

"Shinji and I have to get checked into our room, so we'll see you later," Ritsuko excused herself and the young Ikari.

The pair of them managed to make it halfway to the elevators before anybody noticed Shinji's protestations.

"HEY!" Misato shouted at the love starved blonde.

"Busted," Haruko smirked.

Her cameraman's mind started to work feverishly. 'Something's up. What's going on at Nerv?'

* * *

To be continued... 

Thanks go out to Chi Vayne for pointing out various errors to me.

As you can see, I finally came up with an appropriate sub title for this section of Jusenkyo Man.

Any questions?

Send your opinions via your normal method.

Email is (lordraa) AT (lordraa) AT answer what I can, but I make no guarantees.


	6. Chapter 6

The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man

All About Eva By Lord Raa 

Chapter 6 (Have you really allowed this rubbish to continue for this long?)

* * *

You remember what crap I wrote about this "story" not being suitable for kids, don't you?  
  
Good.  
  
In tribute to Lord The Night Knight's pioneering work, I ask you this: who would win in a fight – the boy off the front of the Haribo packets or the Milkybar Kid?

* * *

Fuyutsuki was talking with his former student about a common discussion point in the Nerv commander's private office, Instrumentality.  
  
"Gendo, do you have any idea what Seele is up to? Their interference with Shinji is most puzzling."  
  
"I was not overly concerned with the plans of that collection of fossils, sensei."  
  
Fuyutsuki noted something about the elder Ikari's speech. "You used the passed tense, Gendo. What's happened?"  
  
"Seele's security section seems to have had a serious breach recently." Gendo looked at a report on his desk, then at his second in command. "It looks like we may have to adjust the timetable."  
  
Fuyutsuki frowned, "the scrolls dictated a precise schedule of events. We may be in danger."

* * *

In a hotel in Tokyo-2, Ritsuko cursed silently. She was not happy; her plans to enjoy Shinji were going down the tubes. She turned to the others. "I wasn't planning on sharing a room with Shinji; I was only going to show him to his room."  
  
Misato was a little sceptical of the blonde's response. "Don't lie to me, Ritsuko. I know what you have planned, you slut."  
  
Ritsuko snorted. "That's rich coming from you, Kantan Katsuragi!"(1)  
  
Misato stepped towards the panicking Shinji, hoping to rescue the poor boy from the dirty old woman. That she had dirty thoughts about how he could repay the favour was completely immaterial.  
  
Ritsuko saw the challenge from her college friend and held Unit 01's pilot tightly to her breast, almost giving the statement "Shinji is mine, not yours and I will make him a man."  
  
Haruko's cameraman, Kiichi Tomino offered a solution for the bickering ladies. "It looks like Shinji was a last minute addition to your plans. Perhaps we could arrange for a room for Pilot Ikari?"  
  
"What's in it for you?" Misato asked, knowing that there would be a catch.  
  
Haruko saw where this was going. "This interview, could we make an exclusive with four members of Nerv?"   
  
Rei decided that it would allow for a chance to get Shinji away from the "old hags". "Yes, I think that it would be acceptable, if you allow for security considerations."  
  
In Rei's opinion, said security considerations were not limited to Nerv secrets; they included someone (i.e. her) keeping watch over Shinji while he slept. And what would provide a better chance to protect Shinji while he slept than to share his bed?  
  
Haruko nodded and lead them to a room on the fourth floor that they had booked for interviews. "This way please."

* * *

After the interview with Shinji, Haruko was beginning to get a feel for why the pilot's Nerv co-workers were so enamoured with him. 'He's been through a lot yet he's so kind to others.'  
  
Noting that Shinji had gotten up and started to stretch, more thoughts entered her head. 'Plus he just exudes sexual magnetism.' Haruko's eyes widened at that thought. 'Oh, god I'm thinking of a FOURTEEN year old boy as a sex object. Do I need a boyfriend that badly?'  
  
Looking at her watch, Miss Tanaka announced that it was time for the press conference and ushered everybody into the elevator.  
  
As Rei and Misato flanked Shinji, Ritsuko felt left out. 'Perhaps I can get Maya to help me get Shinji a locked room? But that might freak Shinji out. Maybe if I …'  
  
The Nerv party's subtle groping of Shinji was interrupted by a major earthquake, causing the elevator to shudder violently and stop its upward motion.  
  
"Is everybody all right?" Tomino asked.  
  
To his surprise, the other occupants of the lift were hugging Shinji in the belief that he would make everything better.  
  
"Oro?" was all the pilot of Unit 01 could manage from behind the barricade of females.  
  
Before the cameraman could comment on the scene in the lift, an aftershock reverberated around the potential metal coffin.  
  
"Shinji, I'm scared!" Misato sobbed into his shoulder.  
  
"I know, Misato-san," Shinji tried his best to comfort his room-mate. "We need to get out of the building."  
  
During Shinji's actions to free them from the confined space, the single reporter found herself helping the pilot's way through the small service duct by applying pressure to his buttocks.  
  
Well, she would have, had Ritsuko not beaten her to it.

* * *

Because Haruko and Kiichi were on the scene with their broadcast equipment, they managed to conduct an on the scene report on the aftermath of the earthquake.  
  
"Kazuki, I'm here with one of the Nerv pilots, Shinji Ikari."  
  
Shinji looked embarrassed at the attention he was receiving from the attractive news reporter.  
  
"It's thanks to Ikari-kun here that I'm able to report on this tragedy. He managed to evacuate my cameraman and myself from the hotel."  
  
Ikari-kun, I would like to thank you for your actions, Kazuki Yotsuga spoke with audible gratitude in his voice.   
  
"I didn't do anything especially brave, sir. I only did what I thought was the right thing to do."  
  
"I disagree, Ikari-kun," Haruko insisted. "I saw the gap you crawled through to open the door to the elevator. That would have been uncomfortable for anybody."  
  
Ritsuko had had enough of the raven haired woman's flirting with Shinji. "Excuse, Miss Tanaka, but we need to get back to Nerv headquarters. I need to check some Nerv equipment for damage." 'Namely Shinji,' she added silently.  
  
Shinji bid his farewell to the news crew just before the blonde dragged him away.

* * *

On the way back, Shinji found himself travelling alone in Ritsuko's car.  
  
"How are the Rei and Misato going to get home?" the puzzled boy asked.  
  
Ritsuko sighed. 'He should stop caring about those other floozies and concentrate on pleasuring me,' the blonde thought.   
  
"Rei will probably call your father and arrange a ride back to Nerv headquarters. No doubt Misato will hitch a ride then."  
  
"Father seems to like Rei, doesn't he?" Shinji asked sadly. "I think he likes her more than me."  
  
Ritsuko's cool scientific exterior melted at the melancholy in Shinji's voice. "Not everyone prefers Rei to you, Shinji-kun. In fact, I think you're great," she answered honestly. She didn't add that she thought that his greatness was best demonstrated by him being naked and tied down spread-eagled on her bed.   
  
Oh, one mustn't forget the chocolate syrup coating. Forgetting that would just be a huge faux pas in Dr Akagi's sex games.  
  
Shinji's face brightened at Ritsuko's kind words. 'I've finally found a place where I can be happy.' "Thanks, Ritsuko-san."  
  
"My pleasure, Shinji-kun." Ritsuko started to drool as thoughts of pleasure and Shinji at the same time entered her head. 

When Ritsuko arrived at Nerv headquarters, she ushered Shinji to the infirmary for a physical. Noticing that Shinji was somewhat reluctant to participate, she did her best to assure him that what happened that one time was an aberration.  
  
"To make sure that nothing untoward happens, Shinji-kun I can bring in Maya to act as a witness."  
  
Shinji was not quite sure how to feel at this point. On one hand, Maya would stop Ritsuko doing anything perverted, but on the other, there would be two women in the room watching him and that played havoc with his self-esteem.   
  
Taking his silence as a request for a witness, Dr Akagi called Maya.

* * *

After a thorough, yet thoroughly improper, examination, it looked like Shinji was not going to be allowed to return home soon.  
  
Shinji's mobile phone rang, distracting the two lovely Nerv ladies.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
Are you in danger, Shinji-kun?  
  
"Rei?"  
  
Are you in danger, Shinji-kun? Rei repeated her question.  
  
"No," Shinji replied. "Where are you and Misato, Rei?"  
  
Captain Katsuragi and I are en-route to Nerv headquarters.  
  
"Will you be back in time for dinner?"  
  
Misato took the phone from the blue haired girl. That depends on whether or not you get your cute ass in gear, Shin-chan.  
  
Shinji gladly took this opportunity to escape as moments earlier Ritsuko asked him to play doctor and perform "TUBEs" on her and Maya. (2)  
  
Apologising to all the Nerv employees, Shinji left to prepare dinner for his roommates. 

Dinner was a strange affair. This was becoming a recurring theme with Shinji's life.   
  
Shinji sighed as he took stock of his situation. First, his father called him out of the blue and demanded to see him for the first time in three years. Secondly, he told him that was because he wanted to use him to pilot an experimental death machine against a powerful unknown enemy, NOT because he wanted his company. And thirdly, he had started to attract female attention. LOTS of female attention.  
  
Rei was enjoying her hobby, Shinji watching, when the doorbell rang.  
  
"I'll get it," Shinji said. He hadn't noticed that the pale-skinned girl's close observation of him was beginning to annoy Misato.  
  
"Greetings, Ikari!" Touji and Kensuke announced their arrival.  
  
"Hey guys, what can I do for you?" Shinji asked his classmates.  
  
"We're here to visit our hero friend," Kensuke answered cheerfully.  
  
Touji was less subtle. He wasn't exactly openly leering at Misato, but not using his peripheral vision to enjoy the sight of the captain like his bespectacled friend.   
  
"Yeah, and we thought that Misato would like some company, too."  
  
Misato rolled her eyes as she heard the idiot duo's comments. "Damn perverts," she grumbled.  
  
"Yes, I recall that those two cause trouble at school," Rei agreed. 'Perhaps I can use them to remove Captain Katsuragi from the running…'  
  
Shinji invited his school friends in and they gladly accepted the chance to be near the babe that was Misato Katsuragi.  
  
Touji and Kensuke were somewhat disheartened when Misato sat on the end seat of the couch and pulled Shinji onto her lap.  
  
Throwing her arms around the pilot, Misato smiled as she inhaled his scent.  
  
Rei started twitching again. 'Captain Katsuragi's behaviour is most improper. I must act to save Shinji-kun from her immoral actions.'  
  
Shinji's squirming caused his hand to brush up against Misato's chest. He froze when he felt something he wasn't expecting.  
  
The reactions of the others varied. The Idiot Duo nearly had nosebleeds as they saw the thin fabric of the captain's shirt get pulled tight against her full bosom. Rei nearly ran over to the seated couple and tore Shinji from the purple-haired harlot's grasp. Misato smiled, for in her opinion, Shinji was showing his true feelings for her.  
  
"M-misato-san?"  
  
"Yes, Shin-chan?" came a smiling reply.  
  
"What was that hard patch under your shirt?" Shinji's question came out a mixture of concern and embarrassment.  
  
Realising that Shinji needed lessons in female anatomy, Misato replied to his query. "Well, Shin-chan, when a woman is sexually aroused, her nipples become hard."  
  
Blushing something shocking, Shinji explained what he meant. "Not that, it's a bit lower."  
  
"Oh, you mean this?" Misato lifted her shirt. When this showed a fair amount of her womanly flesh, Kensuke and his partner in crime did finally succumb to blood loss.  
  
Shinji winced at the scar. "You were hurt?"  
  
"Yes," Misato replied sadly.  
  
Shinji was worried about his friend. He had seen evidence to suggest that she had suffered a lot in her life. "W-when?"   
  
"You're looking at the only living witness to the Second Impact." The topic of conversation was making her feel the need for alcohol.  
  
Not knowing what else to do, Shinji hugged Misato tightly. "I'm sorry for bringing up painful memories, Misato-san. If there's anything I can do for you…"  
  
Misato nodded. She was glad to have someone just be there for her. She made a mental note to call in that marker later.  
  
Rei mistook Misato's nod as something else. It looked like a perverted old maid rubbing her face in the chest of an innocent and trusting young man. Deciding to make sure that the Nerv tactical officer didn't go too far (at least without her supervision), Rei walked up to Shinji and embraced him from behind.  
  
"Damn Shinji! You have all the luck," Kensuke groused loudly.  
  
"Yeah, Ikari. Stop mocking us!" Touji raged at his friend.  
  
Rei turned her head to the hormone saturated stooges. "Shinji-kun is needed for a special Nerv training mission. Please leave before I am forced to have you arrested by Nerv security."  
  
Kensuke gulped nervously. "I-I see. Well, Touji and I have to get going."  
  
Touji was confused. "Wha? We do?"   
  
"Yes," Rei replied dangerously, "you must."  
  
"What kind of training?" Kensuke asked the crimson-eyed girl.  
  
"That is classified, Aida-kun," Rei replied with what the military otaku identified as a lecherous grin. Well he and Touji had worn them often enough.  
  
Touji's less than stellar mental abilities managed to two and two together and come up with the correct answer. Of course, the way that Rei was stroking both Shinji AND Misato was a hint.   
  
"Damn you, Ikari!"  
  
Misato was losing patience with the stooges. "Go away boys, play time is over. Shinji has homework to do," she dismissed the perverts as she stood to properly show affection to Shinji.  
  
Shinji was puzzled. "I have?"   
  
"Yes, Shinji-kun, you do. I believe that Captain Katsuragi's experience will be of benefit to us."  
  
Kensuke's eyebrow started to twitch. "Damn you, Ikari," he grumbled.   
  
"Gettin' some from a fine babe like Miss Misato," added Touji.  
  
Shinji looked at the two sets of roaming hands that were doing laps around his body and whimpered.  
  
Rei kissed Shinji on the cheek. "Captain Katsuragi is correct, Shinji-kun, you do have a pleasant taste. I am not surprised, considering your pleasant smell."  
  
Shinji started to experience sensory overload and fainted, rubbing against the bodies of the two ladies that created the Shinji sandwich.  
  
Touji, being the hormonally charged idiot that he was, stepped up the women and offered his services for the evening.  
  
Misato gave the tracksuit clad male a death glare that said "get away from me, you freak".  
  
"Leave before I administer you a urethral wash with chilli sauce," Rei threatened.  
  
Touji was confused by the medical term. "Urethral?"  
  
"The urethra is the tube in mammals that carries urine from the bladder out of the body and in the male also carries semen during ejaculation," informed Rei.  
  
Kensuke protectively covered his crotch. "Touji, let's go."  
  
Suzuhara nodded, turned and left with his friend, grumbling all the way.   
  
After they left, Misato helped a newly conscious Shinji to his feet.   
  
"Now Shin-chan, you really must stop fainting like that," Misato chided. "I'm starting to get worried about your health."  
  
"I'm sorry, Misato-san. It's that I lead a stressful life now," Shinji explained.  
  
Misato made the decision just how to assist Shinji.  
  
"I just the thing to help you Shinji," Misato pulled the pilot into her room.  
  
"What are you planning, Captain?" Rei asked.  
  
When Misato informed her, Rei nodded in approval. "Yes, touching Shinji-kun's body does sound like a good idea, Captain Katsuragi."  
  
"Good. Now come along, Rei. I thought you wanted training," Misato teased.  
  
Shinji didn't know just how he managed to find himself in this situation, but he knew that someone, somewhere, was pulling strings.

* * *

The morning sun filtered through Misato's curtains, allowing Shinji to awaken in the late morning.  
  
"Bah, too much light," he mumbled.   
  
Trying to roll over to stop the sun shining in his eyes, he noticed that something was weighing him down. His attempt to turn on his other side was met with similar resistance.  
  
"What the bloody hell?" he asked, opening his eyes.  
  
"Shin-chan, you were great," Misato murmured gently.  
  
"MISATO??"  
  
"Shinji-kun, you do not have to be concerned about last night."  
  
"Rei? What happened last night?" Shinji started to panic.  
  
"We slept together, Shinji-kun," Ayanami replied.  
  
"W-we what?" Shinji was now panicking.  
  
Misato ran her hand over the pilot's chest. "We took our relationship to the next phase, Shinji. Don't worry; you and Rei are still virgins. Assuming you were before you came home yesterday," she finished with a smirk.  
  
Shinji blushed, but Rei's stroking of his thigh had something to do with that.   
  
"I look forward to our next lesson, Captain Katsuragi. You said that the breathing techniques I use in swimming will be of assistance. What did you mean by that?"   
  
Misato smiled mysteriously. "Let's just say that Shin-chan learning them would also be nice."  
  
"I can't swim," sounded a quiet voice.  
  
"What was that?" Misato asked.  
  
"I can't swim, Misato-san. I never learned how," Shinji confessed.  
  
Misato frowned. 'That's one more thing that could take Shinji away from me and Rei. Wait a minute, when did Rei become part of this relationship?'  
  
"Being able to swim could save your life, Shin-chan. You will learn how to as soon as possible. Rei, you will teach Shinji," Katsuragi ordered.  
  
"Of course, Captain Katsuragi," Rei accepted this order quite readily. 'Yes, being close to Shinji-kun wearing swimming costumes sounds appealing.'   
  
Shinji looked at Misato's alarm clock. "Rei, we're late for school."  
  
"Perhaps Captain Katsuragi will be able to drive us to school."  
  
"Yeah, I can do that for my Shin-chan."

* * *

To be continued…  
  
(1) I realise that this is probably the wrong word for "easy" that I'm looking for, but the alliteration was too much for me to pass up.  
  
(2) Totally Unnecessary Breast Examination. I wish I was making that acronym up, folks.   
  
Thanks go out to my pre-reader, Chi Vayne, for pointing out silly mistakes I made.  
  
If certain spellings seem a bit off, please understand that I am English.  
  
It seems that some of you are wondering why Ranma is masquerading as Pen-pen. Well, you should have read the first arc of "The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man".  
  
The gist is the Ranma from "Unexpected Effect" (a parody of the "Ranma is a god" genre of fanfiction) has been recruited to save humanity in various timelines that were destined to end in some kind of disaster.   
  
I think that the Third Impact could be considered "some kind of disaster", don't you?  
  
In response to the comment from hellsfire angel2:  
  
"neither ranma 1/2 nor Evangelion believe in magic that can control thoughts in any way shape form or fashion..."  
  
What about the incense from the first appearance of Pantyhose Taro? The Reversal Jewel? The Love Pills? The koi rod?   
  
Besides, people's belief or disbelief in things doesn't stop them from being any more or less true. (Insert favourite conspiracy theory here)  
  
Plus this Ranma has skills that I have yet to fully document.

Apologies if the formatting seems a bit off, a new feature has been implemented since I last udated and I find it a bit strange.

Until the next time folks, laterer


	7. Chapter 7

The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man:  
  
All About Eva  
  
By Lord Raa  
  
Chapter Seven.  
  
##########  
  
I have received information that informs me of an error I made in my pre- story disclaimer for the last chapter. It appears that I should have used the term "children" not "kids", as a kid is the term for a baby goat.  
  
According to the representative from the Barnyard Animal Association, this story is actually suitable for kids. That means that this crap is suitable for juvenile quadruped mammals, but not young people.  
  
Weird, isn't it?  
  
##########  
  
SEELE liked to think of itself as pretty much all power and able to foresee events, especially for when it came to Instrumentality. Of course Gendo Ikari's plans were not entirely clear to them, but the fact that they had their fingers in an astounding number of pies was of great comfort to them, as was their myriad of security measures.  
  
So when Chairman Lorenz's image suddenly disappeared during their discussion on whether or not events were deviating from the plans laid out in the Dead Sea scrolls, they started to panic.  
  
His image returned and he coughed. "My apologies, it seems we have a few technical problems. We shall resume this discussion when we can be sure that the links are truly secure."  
  
##########  
  
The arrival of Shinji and Rei together sparked off a new round of speculation for the rumour mill. Rei was not one to mix socially and to see her with the new school heartthrob caused much envy among the girls.  
  
One of the more industrious students had conducted an investigation in order to find out more about Shinji. It seemed that the local saviour of humanity was living with a Nerv co-worker and the boys became jealous when it was revealed that Shinji was living with the stunning Misato Katsuragi.  
  
Of course, all the girls grumbled about perverts, though it was not entirely clear to whom the complaint was directed as Misato copped a feel as she gave Shinji a kiss for luck.  
  
Rei walked into the homeroom a few minutes ahead of Shinji and found herself bombarded with questions. The class started by asking about the woman that arrived with her and Shinji.  
  
"She is Captain Katsuragi, Chief Tactical Officer of NERV."  
  
"Why did she kiss Shinji like that?"  
  
"I did not see the captain kiss Shinji-kun," Rei spoke with what sounded like concern. Concern for Shinji and concern that Misato was muscling in on her territory – being extra nice to Shinji.  
  
Hikari asked what was going on between Rei and the quiet new student  
  
"I am his girlfriend."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"I am a girl and I am his friend, does that not make me his girlfriend?" Rei asked puzzled.  
  
The class rep explained what her and the other girls meant by the term and how it referred to a certain level of intimacy.  
  
"I see," Rei replied. "Shinji-kun and I have seen each other naked, does that count?"  
  
"WHAT??"  
  
Rei blinked at the loud outburst from Hikari.  
  
"I said 'Shinji-kun and I have seen each other naked, does that count?'"  
  
Shinji had arrived too late to hear Rei announce what she had seen.  
  
'Huh?' the pilot thought as he was surrounded by his classmates.  
  
"Is it true?" Kensuke asked as he got in Shinji's face with his camera.  
  
"Is what true?" he asked confusion clearly visible on his face.  
  
"That you've seen Ayanami naked! Is she a natural blue?" Kensuke continued his inquisition.  
  
The young Ikari blushed at the military otaku's follow-up comments until the second question sank in. "What do you mean a 'natural blue'?"  
  
Before anybody could answer the confused boy, the teacher arrived and Hikari was forced to call the students to order.  
  
##########  
  
Misato rolled into Nerv headquarters at 11am with a silly grin on her face.  
  
Noting the dirty look Ritsuko was shooting at her; Misato simply moved past her friend to the coffee machine and smugly informed those around her how she gave Shinji a hot oil massage the previous night and how good his taut young body felt.  
  
The blonde grumbled something about perverts, yet failed to see the hypocrisy in arranging to have the Magi accurately map Shinji's body through a series of high resolution scans so she could construct a 1:1 scale model of the boy's genitalia from the latest materials with a warmth and texture that could pass for skin.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry Ritsuko, I didn't hear you properly. What was that you said about Shinji?" Misato teased.  
  
"I said that you're a pervert, Misato," Ritsuko repeated getting on her high horse. "You're a degenerate old maid who's using the last of her feminine wiles to get a naïve young man to cook and clean up after her because she couldn't learn to do it herself."  
  
Misato reacted to her friend's barbed comments. "I'll have you know that Shinji cares about me. He doesn't see me as just a sex object like most boys his age would."  
  
Misato sighed happily at the thought of a relationship with Shinji that was based on each other's feelings. Not that Misato would have objected to a relationship with the pilot of Unit 01 that was based solely on sex.  
  
"That doesn't mean you should treat him like one," the blonde sniped.  
  
"Hey!" the captain protested. "I'm not the one that keeps trying to get semen samples from Shinji."  
  
The doctor snorted cynically at her friend's ploy to embarrass her into leaving Shinji alone and countered with; "please, Misato. I bet you played up your scar to gain his sympathy."  
  
Misato glared at her old friend. 'Bitch,' she thought darkly over her coffee mug. "You're just bitter because I get to be his roommate," shot back with a smug voice. "Besides, you're his doctor, isn't there some kind of rule about doctor/patient relationships?"  
  
"How else am I supposed to help him as his sex therapist if I don't take a 'hands on' approach?" Ritsuko was becoming exasperated with her friend.  
  
"Sempai, Shinji-kun doesn't need a sex therapist," Maya Ibuki pointed out. "He just needs someone who's a little bit older to teach him how to make a lady feel good. But I suppose that it would be best if you were to observe and give us pointers, Sempai," she added as she stepped closer to Ritsuko.  
  
Maya had finally let the object of her crush know how she felt about her and the new flavour of the month, Shinji.  
  
Ritsuko calculated the possibilities of a relationship with Shinji and Maya. Said possibilities were many and sordid and included something that had not been previously considered when she appraised the slight frame of her assistant and her short (for a woman's) hair. 'Yes, a bit of role-play might be in order,' Ritsuko thought as she wiped some drool off her chin. "We shall have to work out the details, Maya-chan."  
  
As Maya nodded happily, Misato frowned. 'I must act fast before Bottle Blondie and Rug-muncher get their perverted claws into Shinji's innocent body.'  
  
Of course, Misato completely ignored the fact that if she had the chance, Shinji wouldn't be so innocent for much longer and she'd have a big grin on her face.  
  
Fuyutsuki arrived in the break room and interrupted the ladies' fantasies about a certain spinally challenged boy with a new mission for the tactical officer.  
  
"Captain Katsuragi, you are required to go and meet up with the Second Child and Unit 02. Commander Ikari has suggested that the Third Child should accompany you. You have an early evening flight, go and retrieve him from school," he ordered.  
  
"Yes sir," Misato saluted. When the second in command of NERV left, she smiled broadly at her fellow alumni and the young technician. "Well, it looks like I have to be off. See you around, Ritsuko."  
  
"Bitch," Maya and Ritsuko both muttered under their breath.  
  
##########  
  
About ten minutes before the lunch bell rang, Shinji's mobile phone rang.  
  
He apologised to the class and answered the call from Misato.  
  
"Misato-san?"  
  
Shinji! How are you doing?  
  
"I'm fine, but the teacher is not happy that you've interrupted the lesson. Is there an emergency at NERV?"  
  
Not really, but you are needed for a mission. I'll be at your school in a few minutes to pick you up. Put your teacher on.  
  
"Ok, Misato-san," Shinji replied as he handed the phone to his frowning teacher.  
  
"What do you think you're doing disturbing my students?" he angrily demanded of the purple haired captain.  
  
Please understand that Shinji's job is to fight the Angels and prevent the Third Impact. If he fails in just one of his missions, then we're all dead. Got it? she barked at the elderly man before ending the call.  
  
"Well, you should gather your things, Ikari-kun: it looks like you're needed at you job," the pre-Second Impact man said sarcastically as he handed Shinji back the phone.  
  
"Sorry about Captain Katsuragi, sensei," Shinji bowed as he apologised. "I'm afraid I don't know when I'll be back."  
  
"Wait!" Kensuke piped up. "You mean that you're going somewhere with Captain Katsuragi?"  
  
Touji perked up at the idea of being with Misato. "A road trip with Misato- san?"  
  
Rei frowned, though the expression was not noticeable to the causal observer. 'Captain Katsuragi may take advantage of Shinji-kun now that she has this opportunity to get him alone. I should supervise them.'  
  
Standing up, Rei inadvertently attracted the attention of the class.  
  
"Are you going somewhere, Miss Ayanami?" the teacher asked. "I recall only Shinji being called away."  
  
"I am needed by Shinji-kun's side. There are those that would take advantage of his kind and gentle nature. I need to protect him."  
  
Shinji's embarrassment at the words of the albino pilot was cause for concern among the female students. The class rep in particular was pretty sure that the fact that Shinji was the only person that the quiet girl referred to by their first name suggested that her words were a euphemism; and what she really meant was that they would need protection against pregnancy.  
  
Though the idea of having Shinji's baby was looking quite appealing,  
  
The rumour mill would be started up again at lunchtime; with the discussion of the night time habits of Rei, Misato and Shinji being the cause of many perverted dreams that night.  
  
Kensuke's pictures of Misato in a school uniform helped see to that. They also helped the military otaku pay for some new model kits.  
  
The teacher was well aware of the identity of Rei's guardian and decided to allow the girl to leave the class. "Very well, Miss Ayanami. You may leave as well."  
  
##########  
  
Misato pulled up to the visitor's parking lot with her customary driving habits, i.e. dangerously as the lunchtime bell sounded.  
  
She got out of the car and sat on the bonnet, her eyes eagerly scanning for Shinji. When the pilot of Unit 01 exited the school, she smiled brightly.  
  
That was until she saw the blue hair of Rei follow him outside into the sunshine.  
  
'What's that bitch doing out here?' Misato thought angrily. In her opinion, the pilot of Unit 00 served only to test her love for Shinji. She considered the fact that Rei had been there during last night to an aberration.  
  
"Captain Katsuragi, I will be accompanying you and Shinji-kun on this mission."  
  
"Not according to Sub-commander Fuyutsuki, you won't. He didn't say anything about you coming along," Misato explained.  
  
Rei pulled out her phone and direct dialled Gendo. Luckily she had the world's best poker face, otherwise the NERV tactical officer would be smirking more than she was now. Before hanging up, she went for plan B. 'I cannot make sure of Shinji-kun's chastity remaining intact if I am not there. I will use those two mentally challenged and hormonally charged boys to distract Captain Katsuragi from her efforts,' she thought.  
  
"You are quite correct, Captain Katsuragi. However, Shinji's friends are also going to accompany you," Rei spoke with what was beginning to look suspiciously like a smirk to the purple-haired captain.  
  
Misato growled as the two stooges came running out to greet her.  
  
"Shinji!" Touji shouted as he bounded up the NERV employees.  
  
"Hi Touji," Shinji returned. "What can I do for you?"  
  
Rei decided to answer. "You will be accompanying Shinji-kun while he and Captain Katsuragi go on a NERV mission. Aida-kun will also be travelling with you."  
  
Kensuke smiled when he heard that and was most thankful that he carried his camera with him at all times. "Cool!"  
  
Misato twitched momentarily. 'But they are Shinji's friends, so it would be best if I made nice with them.' "Right," she sighed as she just knew that the stooges were thinking dirty thoughts about her, "everybody who's coming along best get in the car and belt up."  
  
##########  
  
On the aircraft carrier, Over the Rainbow, Asuka Langley Sohryu was looking for a certain person.  
  
"Kaji, where are you?" she pined for the special investigator. She wanted to talk about a strange dream she had about a really funny looking penguin.  
  
Said scruffy looking individual was speaking with the captain of the ship, explaining why they were expecting visitor via a NERV VTOL.  
  
When Asuka saw it touch down, she remembered that she was meeting with Captain Katsuragi and rushed out to see her.  
  
##########  
  
Touji was trying his best to cool in front of Misato while Kensuke was filming everything and providing a commentary.  
  
Misato was doing her best to make sure Shinji was close to her in case of emergency. And though the water looked a bit on the cold side, she would have been happy to act as his "personal floatation device".  
  
When a certain arrogant redhead stepped out in a yellow sundress, all eyes turned to that direction.  
  
Luckily, a bit of dust blowing into his eye caused Shinji to turn away as another gust conspired against Asuka and showed her "goods" to the other Tokyo-3 natives.  
  
Kensuke and Touji both decided that this trip was already worth the effort.  
  
"Sweet," the jock mumbled.  
  
Asuka took offence to being ogled by the junior high school students and tried to slap some sense into the three of them.  
  
Before Asuka could make it three out of three, Misato grabbed the girl's hand as it neared Shinji's face. "Shinji didn't see anything he shouldn't have."  
  
"How can you be so sure?" she demanded.  
  
"Some dust flew into my eye," Shinji weakly protested.  
  
When Asuka took a good look at Shinji, she noticed that Unit 01's pilot was actually telling the truth. "Ok, but if he does something perverted, I'll smack him."  
  
Kensuke noticed that there was a distinct lack of justice in this world, as Misato fussed over Shinji and dragged him to the infirmary.  
  
##########  
  
After a minor detour to the medical facilities, Misato brought Shinji to the mess for something to eat. It was then when she saw the bane of her college life.  
  
"Hi there, Misato-chan!" Kaji called out.  
  
"Great, he's here," she grumbled as she sat next to Shinji, denying him an escape route from her roving hands.  
  
"So, you're the famous Third Child, Shinji Ikari."  
  
Shinji looked at the man who had revealed his identity to Asuka who looked most unhappy at this turn of events.  
  
"You know who I am?" he asked in a surprised tone.  
  
"Are you kidding? You're famous in our line of work, kiddo. You synchronised with Unit 01 with no training and managed to beat an Angel," Kaji smirked.  
  
Asuka was taking this with her usual "I'm the best unless you can prove otherwise" attitude, and said nothing. But she did note the way Kaji was eyeing up Misato. 'That brazen whore,' she thought darkly, 'is trying to steal Kaji away from me.'  
  
"So, how do you know Misato-san?" Shinji asked the intelligence agent.  
  
"We used to date in college," Kaji replied, "and for a while after. So tell me, is she still wild in bed?"  
  
Shinji blushed heavily at the scruffy man's question.  
  
Misato slammed her hands down on the table. "How can you say such things in front of Shinji?"  
  
Kaji was taken aback by this change in attitude from someone that had a reputation for sexual experimentation. "When did you become such a prude, Misato-chan?"  
  
"I'm not! It's my responsibility to protect Shinji, and I won't have you corrupting Shinji like that," Misato yelled. She felt most upset with her former boyfriend.  
  
Luckily for Misato, neither Ritsuko, Rei nor Maya were there to dispute her claims.  
  
"Dude, I'm so jealous," Touji spoke to his fellow stooge.  
  
Kensuke nodded. "To have Misato-san to look after you like that means that she really likes him."  
  
Kaji frowned; he'd never seen Misato act like that before. He decided to see just how far the relationship between Shinji and Misato went. "Shinji, I hear you had some excitement recently. Something about a fight, care to share the details?"  
  
Shinji looked down at his food. But before he could respond, Misato hugged him tightly to her chest.  
  
"Shinji risked his life for me," she gushed happily as she stroked Shinji's hair.  
  
Asuka nearly gagged in disgust at the sight of a grown woman fawning over a boy. Kaji she could understand, but a pathetic creature like Shinji? Eww!  
  
"Ikari," Kensuke asked puzzled, "is there something you're not telling us?"  
  
"Shinji doesn't want to talk about it," Misato said as she took charge of this particular topic of discussion. "Now, how about a walk, Shinji?"  
  
"Yes, that's a good idea," Asuka agreed. 'That way you're not trying to tempt Kaji away from me,' was added silently.  
  
"What about us?" Touji asked. He'd hoped to get some alone time with Misato, as had Kensuke.  
  
"I'm not particularly bothered, as long as you don't cause any trouble." Misato casually dismissed the two young lechers as she stood up with Shinji in tow.  
  
##########  
  
As Shinji was lead around the ship by his hand, Misato tried to think of a way to answer any questions Shinji had about her relationship with Kaji without sounding like a slut.  
  
The young Ikari did have a question, though it was not the one the captain expected.  
  
"Misato, why are you holding my hand?"  
  
"It's so you don't get lost, silly," Misato replied with a smile. She saw a familiar and unwelcome sight out of the corner of her eye.  
  
"There you are, Misato-chan."  
  
Misato's eye twitched. 'That bastard's going to try it on, I just know it.'  
  
"Hello, Kaji-san," Shinji greeted.  
  
"Hi Shinji." Kaji returned. "So, Misato what do you say to the idea of us going out for a drink sometime?"  
  
"I don't have time to go out drinking any more," Misato lied. "I need to remain sober in case of an Angel attack."  
  
Shinji sensed the impending confrontation and made a temporary escape to the nearby toilets. "I'll be back in a minute."  
  
Misato nodded, not taking her eye off Kaji. "So what really brings you here?"  
  
"I'm on a mission for NERV. What's with you and the kid?"  
  
"Shinji is special, Kaji. He behaves like a gentleman," Katsuragi glared at the man of dubious morals.  
  
"Oh please, Misa-chan. I bet you're just trying to make me jealous."  
  
"I'm not. I care about Shinji and he cares about me," Misato insisted.  
  
Kaji wasn't buying it and stepped closer to the purple haired lovely. "You know you want me," he said as he placed a hand where he shouldn't.  
  
Shinji returned from his pit stop and saw the look of disgust on Misato's face as Kaji groped his ex.  
  
As he watched Misato struggle and slap the long haired man, Shinji knew that he didn't have a chance in a straight fight, and so performed the secret technique that will win you every game of scissors/paper/stone.  
  
Ryoji Kaji gasped for air after Shinji's sucker-punch to his throat.  
  
"Misato-san doesn't like to be touched like that," Shinji informed the stunned man. "She told me about how you cheated on her. She's my friend, and I won't let anybody hurt her while I can still draw breath," his voice was strong and his tone dared anyone to prove him wrong.  
  
The youngsters from Tokyo-3 witnessed this and made a mental note not to annoy Shinji too much.  
  
Asuka also saw this and nearly went over to smack the shit out of Shinji, but remembered that she'd seen her travelling companion act like a drunken sexist pig. "That idiot," she muttered sourly.  
  
Kaji took this opportunity to regroup, and slipped away quietly.  
  
Touji, in a rare moment of wisdom, kept quiet about whether feeling up Misato was worth the price of taking a blow to the voice box and just nodded in agreement with Asuka.  
  
Kensuke merely filmed the departing couple, and grumbled about the injustice of it all as he could almost see the hearts floating around the gorgeous Misato. He slipped to the floor and looked up, as if the camera was attached to his face.  
  
"Oh baby," he muttered too loudly for his own good.  
  
Asuka turned, her eyes scanning for the perverted otaku, when she saw him looking up her skirt, her rage found a valid outlet. Growling, she grabbed Kensuke by the collar and pinned him to the wall.  
  
"That's a nice camera, can it be used for colonoscopies?" she asked in a dangerously sweet tone.  
  
"Help Touji," the bespectacled boy pled.  
  
"Hey," the jock interrupted Asuka's plan for violence.  
  
A swift back kick to the wedding tackle silenced Touji. "I don't have time to beat the shit out of both of you, so stay down Meathead."  
  
Touji, groaning in pain, decided that Asuka might be a tougher foe than he expected and so complied with the redhead's demand.  
  
##########  
  
Misato was sure that she'd found the man of her dreams in Shinji and hugged him tightly. "Hold me Shinji," she practically begged as she whispered into his ear.  
  
Shinji went along with his housemate's request, but found her moving his hands onto her ass.  
  
"M-misato-san!" he protested.  
  
"What is it Shinji?" she looked round for signs of impending danger.  
  
"I shouldn't be touching you like that," he explained. "I don't want to be like Kaji."  
  
Misato laughed. "Shinji, you are always welcome to touch me wherever you like, whenever you like. Besides my darling, you are as far away from being Kaji as is humanly possible," Misato started to explain as she sat down with Shinji on a nearby set of chairs. "First of all, you look after me, and I really want to show my appreciation."  
  
Shinji blushed at Misato's proximity. He could feel her breath tickling his face.  
  
"Secondly, my fling with Kaji was just youthful exuberance: I want to spend the rest of my life with you," she added as she took hold of Shinji's hands.  
  
A young lieutenant walked by and saw the touching scene between the two Japanese visitors. "Lucky kid," he muttered to himself.  
  
"Lieutenant Collins, you're needed on the bridge, sir," a petty officer informed him.  
  
"What's happened?"  
  
"The sonar has picked up something large, and it's moving towards us quickly," he explained.  
  
Misato heard this and dragged Shinji to the bridge after the officers.  
  
##########  
  
To be continued...  
  
Thanks go out to my pre-reader, Chi Vayne, who provided some valuable assistance.  
  
Some of you out there are probably wondering why Asuka is not trying to jump Shinji's bones like Misato and the others. Don't worry, it won't last. My poor writing will make Asuka "see the light", as it were.  
  
Are there any questions, suggestions, comments or complaints? Leave them in your usual manner.  
  
Email is best used for direct and private discussion.  
  
The addresses are (lordraa) AT )  
  
Or (lordraa) AT )  
  
I'll respond to all emails that aren't flames. 


	8. Chapter 8

The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man:

All About Eva

By Lord Raa

Chapter Eight

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Disclaim-me-do: I want to explain a few things about this whole literary experiment. First of all, the whole "Jusenkyo Man" idea really is a parody of the mega-crossover and the "God-like Ranma" genres of stories. They are not to be taken seriously, at all. If you really want me to, I'll write some drama for you later. Secondly, Ranma is taking a back seat for this arc because he is trying to be subtle. Hence the subtitle "All About Eva". Third, I am trying to explain any excessive out of character behaviour. I didn't say that I'm doing a very good job of it or when that they will be explained.

Oh, yeah, there might be descriptions of scenes depicting morally and legally dubious activities – so no complaints please. You have received fair warning.

For reference:

"Blergen" = Japanese.

"{Quartz}" = Chinese or other Foreign language.

[Yedden] = Panda sign or other written note.

'I wonder if there's any jam left' = thoughts.

#BLAMMO# = Sound effects.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

"What the Hell is that thing?" the UN fleet captain demanded, pointing at the monstrosity that was attacking his fleet.

"That's an Angel," Misato answered. There was a look of concern etched on her face as the extraterrestrial moved closer, its eyes gleaming with a strange hunger.

"Can we use the Eva?" Shinji asked his roommate.

"It's equipped with the B type weapon set, it's set up for use on dry land. It's going to be tough," Misato replied. "We really need the Magi to tell us what we're up against here."

"Captain, Mr Kaji is now departing," Lt Collins informed his superior.

Misato growled. "That bastard, leaving us like this."

"Misato, we need to deal with the Angel. I'll head to Unit 02, you find Asuka," Shinji's tone was one of authority.

One of the female petty officers turned to face Shinji before he left for his dangerous undertaking. The focused look on his face caused her to blush as her mind wandered away from her task at hand to the pleasant idea of taking some leave with the young man.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Shinji met up with Asuka on the way to where Unit 02 was being transported.

"We're under Angel attack, Asuka," Shinji informed the auburn haired girl. "We need to get to the Eva."

"Like I'm letting you touch my Eva without my supervision," the Second Child snorted. "I'll show you what years of Evangelion training can do!"

Asuka grabbed Shinji's hand roughly and dragged him to the hangar, trying to ignore the sensation of his hand. It was a delicate appendage, yet it obviously had an easily accessible strength not far from the surface.

Had it been Touji's or Kensuke's hand, she would have suspected regular repetitive exercise would have been the cause of this. Luckily for her, the seriousness of the situation prevented her from being distracted by thoughts of the unattended leisure time habits of teenaged boys. (1)

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

When the pilots arrived at the hangar, Asuka threw a shrink wrapped plugsuit at Shinji.

"Here, put this on. I'm going to show you how a real pilot handles an Eva," she boasted. "And stay out here, I don't want you perving over my lovely body."

Shinji blushed and turned round as he started to change out of his clothes.

"Hey, you done yet?" Asuka demanded as she stepped out of the hangar to Shinji.

"But this is a girl's suit," he protested.

"Just put it on, idiot. I've go an Angel to kill," she huffed, glad that it was him that was half naked out in the corridor.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

As Asuka started the activation sequence for Unit 02, she ordered Shinji to "stay still and not touch anything."

Shinji complied, but was startled by the alarms going off around him. "What's that?"

"Thought noise. Think in German, not Japanese."

"Err, ok, strudel…schnitzel…" Shinji tried to remember all the German words he'd heard.

"Idiot. Now you're making me hungry. Switching language to basic Japanese."

After the Second Child reset the system, the Eva powered up normally.

"Right, now let me show just how a professional deals with these monsters," Asuka arrogantly told Shinji what was going to happen next.

The scarlet device rose to its feet and moved towards the nearest external power point via a series of ship-to-ship hops.

Asuka plugged Unit 02 into the external power supply and radioed Misato. "What can you tell me, Misato?"

Before Misato could answer, the Angel leapt from the water and seemed to swallow Unit 02 whole.

Shinji heard Misato scream his name into the radio before his view of the world outside the cockpit went dark.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

On the bridge of the Over the Rainbow, Misato started to panic at the thought of losing Shinji.

"What can we do to stop this thing without Eva?" she asked aloud.

Unfortunately, no one had an answer for her immediately.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Inside the Angel's mouth, Unit 02, Asuka was being thrown violently against control panels and the headrest of her seat.

As the two pilots were being dragged to the depths of the sea, Shinji knew that if he didn't act quickly, both of them would die there.

Checking on Asuka, Shinji realised that she was unconscious and moved her out of her seat as gently as he could. Shinji then activated the progressive knife and scanned the interior of the beast for a suitable target.

Spotting the red sphere that Misato told him to aim for in training, Shinji threw the technologically advanced blade at it.

When the weapon pierced the core, the Angel started to thrash about in pain before succumbing to death.

Turning around, Shinji was relieved to see that the umbilical cable was still attached. He radioed the UN fleet.

"Misato? Are you there, Misato? Anybody?"

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

On the command carrier, Misato nearly wept with joy when she heard Shinji's voice.

"Shinji! I'm here Shinji, what's your status?"

I'm in the Angel's mouth Misato-san, I'm fine Misato-san. Asuka's not so lucky, she was knocked unconscious when the Angel tried to eat us. I'm going to try breaking out through the teeth.

"I'll get the medics ready."

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Shinji smashed through the closed mouth of the monster that had tried to make him part of its balanced diet and tried to swim up to the surface.

"Stupid B type equipment," he cursed as the limbs failed to respond properly. He hit the call button on the radio. "Misato-san?"

Right here, Shinji-kun. What's up?

"The Eva's not swimming, I need you to winch us up to the ship," he answered.

I'm on it, babe the Japanese captain replied.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

As the UN military officers retrieved the Evangelion, Misato came running up with the medical team. She hoped that Shinji wasn't trying to be brave and hadn't told her about any injuries.

She smiled brightly when she saw the young man open the hatch without any difficulty. Running over to him, she thanked him for his efforts.

"Thank you so much, Shin-chan. You've saved the day."

Shinji didn't know what to say about that and so changed the subject to getting Asuka medical attention.

"Right, of course. Hey, you," Misato shouted to the nearest paramedic, "get to work! Careful, she's had a head injury."

"Yes ma'am," he responded

Shinji looked around for his friends. "Misato-san, where are Touji and Kensuke?"

"I don't know," Misato honestly replied. "Do you want to get changed?"

Shinji looked at his body in the plugsuit and nodded vigorously.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Elsewhere, to hormonally charged teenaged boys managed to force open the door to their broom closet prison and dragged themselves to the nearest adult.

Lieutenant Luke Collins was the first person they came across.

"What happened to you two?"

"The Devil herself," Touji replied.

Kensuke was unable to stand for some reason.

"Is he all right?" the man gestured to Kensuke after deciding that whoever the 'devil' was could wait.

Touji was now able to stand fully upright. "I don't know, mister. The Devil really did a number on him."

Lt Collins didn't quite know what to make of that statement. "Hang on, didn't one of you have a camera?"

Kensuke nodded, tears threatening to leak from his eyes.

"Oh, ouch," the young naval officer put joined the dots for this particular puzzle. "Let's get you to the infirmary."

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Asuka regained consciousness in the medical facility on the Over the Rainbow.

"What happened?" she asked, her voice hoarse due to a dry throat.

"You were injured during the battle against the Angel, Asuka," a concerned male voice answered her.

To the groggy red head, the voice sounded like it belonged to the man of her dreams. A man that was kind and gentle, yet wouldn't hesitate to take up arms and put himself in harm's way to protect her. Not that she needed protecting as the invincible Asuka Langley Sohryu, but it was a nice sentiment that appealed to her sense of romance.

"K-kaji?" she asked hopefully.

A derisory snort brought her right out of that fantasy.

"That idiot? I don't think so. He left before you'd even started up Unit 02," Misato broke the bad news to the Second Child.

"Then what happened?" Asuka demanded as she sat up in the bunk.

"Shinji took out the Angel when you were knocked unconscious. He was magnificent," Misato gushed.

"Lies!" Asuka practically screamed at the two Tokyo-3 roommates. "I bet he did something to take advantage of me," she accused.

Shinji's face fell at that charge.

"Shinji would never do that, Asuka. Unlike Kaji," Misato countered. "Shinji has always been the perfect gentleman. Not once has he taken advantage of a woman."

"I want proof," Asuka angrily demanded.

"What about the footage from the cockpit?" Shinji suggested, hoping that this would appease Asuka.

"That would be a start," Asuka nodded. "Not that I've got any reason to trust you."

At that moment the door opened and a groaning Kensuke was helped to the nearest free bunk by his old school buddy and new friend, Lt Collins.

"What happened to Kensuke?" Shinji asked Touji.

"She," the jock pointed at Asuka, "beat the shit out of Kensuke."

All eyes turned to the auburn haired girl.

"What? He was between my legs looking up my skirt," Asuka defended her actions. "What if he did that to you, Misato?"

After a moment's consideration, Misato nodded in understanding.

"I think you went a bit too far, young lady. Kensuke needs medical attention," the American officer offered his opinion.

Asuka dismissed the accusation of brutality with one of hypocrisy. "If I was your little sister you wouldn't take his side."

Before anybody could come up with a contradictory position, Miss Sohryu got out of the bed and made her way out to her quarters.

Still not being 100%, she swayed. She was about to see the floor close up, when Shinji leapt into action.

Holding Asuka gently by the arms, Shinji lead the combat weary girl back to her bed. Though he couldn't be sure of it, he thought he felt something brush against his buttocks when turned around to face Misato.

"I know when I'm not wanted. I'll be in my room," the Third Child informed the rest of the room.

After he left, Misato turned to Asuka. "Shinji is not that kind of guy," she explained. The addendum "unfortunately" was added silently. "I'll prove to you that Shinji's a nice guy before we get to Japan," she insisted. Captain Katsuragi would have sworn on a stack of bibles chest high, had there been one handy.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

At NERV headquarters, Gendo sat behind the uncluttered desk in his office digesting the debriefing his tactical officer gave him about the incident that happened during the collection of Unit 02 and the Second Child.

His eyes flicked over the other report he'd received, the one that Kaji had submitted about his son. 'It seems that something has happened to Shinji. He never would have acted like this when he arrived. I need to know just what it is that's making everything revolve around my son.'

The commander of NERV failed to realise that he was referring to his son by name rather than the designation the Marduke institute gave him. This was something that hadn't happened for a while, before he closed his heart to the world following the loss of his beloved wife.

After knocking at the door, Fuyutsuki entered the Commander's office and stepped sat down next to Gendo. The older man was concerned when his former student informed him of Kaji's plan to press assault charges against Shinji during the mission to collect the Second Child.

"What do you plan to do about the incident concerning the Third Child? I think Kaji expects you to take his side, though it's unlike him to be so unsettled by this affair."

"I plan to do nothing about it, sensei."

"Why, Gendo?"

Gendo leaned back in his chair. "Kaji should have learned by now to keep his hands to himself by now. I take it you remember what happened the last time my son went away? His one week absence delayed the project by at least three. With the upheaval at Seele, we can't afford to have any more delays in our work."

Fuyutsuki nodded.

That the female staff would revolt and lynch the two in charge was completely immaterial.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Kaji, realising that Misato was now going to be a bigger challenge than he thought, tried his hand at another of NERV's lovely ladies to check that he still had the touch. It was a plan to make Misato jealous, and it usually worked.

"Hello there, Ritsuko," he greeted the doctor with his most charming smile.

"What? Oh, hello Kaji. What can I do for you?" the blonde asked, masking her impatience well.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out for a drink this evening?" he replied sliding up to Ritsuko.

"As tempting an offer as that is, I'm going to have to decline. We need to perform comparative sync ratio tests on all three children," Dr. Akagi explained.

"Some other time perhaps?" Kaji asked.

"We'll see. I need to speak with the Commander," Ritsuko replied as she left to speak with Gendo.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

At school, Asuka was questioning the other students about Shinji. Her demands for evidence that he was the man Misato claimed he was had been met, but there was something that needed explaining to her. More accurately, she was finding the whole "must have Shinji's babies" attitude required clarification.

"What? Don't you like Shinji-kun?" Hikari asked the red haired pilot.

Realising what the rumours that question might lead to were, Asuka responded quickly.

"I know he's cute and all, but I just don't get why you're all so jealous of Ayanami."

"She's seen him naked!" another girl answered, a heavy blush colouring her cheeks.

Asuka blinked. "I see," she lied.

"How did you meet him, Asuka?" Hikari asked, lamenting that she didn't work for NERV and therefore unable to enjoy the perks of such a position.

"He was with Misato when she came to pick me and my Eva up. He wasn't like the two idiots that he hangs around with here," she recalled.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Elsewhere at Shinji's school, two friends sneezed.

Kensuke was making a tidy sum from his up skirt shots of Asuka. He was extremely grateful for the durability of the memory cards his camera used, though he decided that he needed a new camera. He doubted that he would ever get it clean enough to put close to his face and not have his stomach turn or to have flash backs from the "incident".

Touji smirked as he reflected on how much his revenge on the Devil Girl was rewarding them financially. "Wanna go down the arcade later?"

"Yeah," Kensuke replied as he counted the day's takings. "We can get some food while we're at it. Hell, there's even enough for Shinji if he wants to join us."

"Yeah, let's ask him. Poor dude needs a break having to work with the Devil."

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

As the two teenagers known as the "Idiot Duo" approached Shinji, Rei Ayanami walked up to the Third Child.

"Shinji-kun, we are required at NERV for a series of synchronisation tests."

"Already?" Shinji asked the blue haired pilot in front of him.

"Yes," Rei lied. She would have frowned at the feeling inside her, had she not been so skilled at hiding her emotions. 'I do not know why, but I do not feel the normal pleasant sensations of being near to Shinji-kun, now that I have misled him.'

Shinji checked his phone for the calendar reminder. "According to my phone, we've got so some time before we have to go. But since I've got nowhere else to be, do you want to get some tea or something before we go?"

Rei smiled. "Yes. I would like that, Shinji-kun."

Touji and Kensuke looked at each other and shrugged. "His loss. Let's get some ramen."

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Asuka walked with one of her school friends through Tokyo-3, irritated that Shinji was the topic of conversation. Her annoyance grew when Hikari stopped and pointed out where Shinji was. She did develop a smirk, however, when she saw that Rei was sitting with the Third Child.

"Your boyfriend seems to be out with another girl," she teased.

"I'm sure that there's a perfectly good explanation for this," Hikari insisted.

"I won't pass judgement on your taste in boys, Hikari," Asuka shrugged, not really being bothered by Shinji's availability. "But, you might not want to storm in there. You don't want to seem like a stalker, do you?"

Hikari froze at the redhead's comments. "You're right," she sighed.

Though when she turned to face Shinji for one last look, she was shocked to see the waitress "accidentally" spill a drink on Shinji's lap and start rubbing his trousers with a towel to prevent a stain forming.

Before Asuka could ask what was going on, her friend rushed off to protest at the situation.

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

Inside the café, Rei was so far beyond anger, it was fast ceasing to be even the slightest bit funny.

"Shinji-kun, it is time for us to leave."

"But his lap is still wet," the waitress protested weakly.

The raven haired young woman's will was weakening under the glare she was getting from Rei.

"That does not matter, he will be changing his clothes soon enough," she explained before taking Shinji's hand and leading him away from the temptresses that seemed to plague Tokyo-3.

She did not expect Hikari or Asuka to be standing there in the doorway.

"What's going on here?" the freckled girl demanded. "Why are you here with Shinji?"

"Shinji-kun and I were getting some refreshment before the synchronisation tests scheduled for this afternoon. We must be leaving now. Pilot Sohryu, we will see you at NERV."

Asuka nodded. "I'll catch up with you."

Rei turned to Shinji. "We need to get you out of those wet clothes, Shinji-kun. If you are ill, you cannot pilot Unit 01."

"Yes, Shinji-kun, you need to get out of those wet trousers," Hikari nodded in agreement. Realising that she had made a slip, the class rep gave an explanation for her statement. "We need you to save us from those monsters. If you're sick you can't fight them."

Asuka shrugged. "I might as well walk with these two, so I'll catch you later, Hikari."

Hikari Horaki sighed as she realised that spending quality time with Shinji was not going to happen this evening. "Ok. I'll see you all tomorrow."

♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

To be continued…………..

(1) If you have to ask what I'm referring to, then you are not old enough to be reading this.

Thanks go out to Chi Vayne for pre-reading this insert your preferred term for my work here .

Are there any questions, suggestions, comments or complaints? If so please leave them in your usual manner.

I'll respond to all emails that aren't flames, just don't expect essays or responses within 30 minutes of me getting the message.

Until the next time…


	9. Chapter Nein

The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man:

All About Eva

By Lord Raa

Chapter Nein

##########

Disclaim-me-do: Ich bin Englander. Any questions?

##########

The rather attractive, if a bit cold-hearted, Doctor Ritsuko Akagi was on her way to discuss the living arrangements for the Third Child with the cly.

"What do you see in him?" Kaji asked. "I mean, I'm far more experienced in the art of love making."

"That's one way to put it. Another is that Shinji is sweet and innocent and that your experience comes from the fact that you're a man-whore," Misato retorted aggressively, her finger jabbing the man in his chest.

'Burn!' Ritsuko said to herself. Knocking on the door, the blonde scientist prepared her argument for allowing her to look after Shinji.

"Enter, Dr Akagi," a male voice told her.

"Commander Ikari, do you know why Kaji's been acting so oddly?" Ritsuko asked her boss as she took a seat for the meeting.

"I think he's still a little bitter about that Captain Katsuragi is infatuated with Shinji. That and my son put him in his place."

"What do you mean?"

Gendo leaned back and smiled at his subordinate. "When captain Katsuragi and my son went to pick up the Second Child, Shinji saw Kaji bothering the captain."

"And?" Ritsuko was now intrigued as to what was causing the friction between the two former lovers.

"Shinji took offence at that and punched him in the throat. Kaji slipped away during the Angel attack and informed me of his plan to 2C" a male voice told her.

"Commander Ikari, do you know why Kaji's been acting so oddly?" Ritsuko asked her boss as she took a seat for the meeting.

"I think he's still a little bitter about that Captain Katsuragi is infatuated with Shinji. That and my son put him in his place."

"What do you mean?"

Gendo leaned back and smiled at his subordinate. "When captain Katsuragi and my son went to pick up the Second Child, Shinji saw Kaji bothering the captain."

"And?" Ritsuko was now intrigued as to what was causing the friction between the two former lovers.

"Shinji took offence at that and punched him in the throat. Kaji slipped away during the Angel attack and informed me of his plan to press charges."

"What are you going to do about it?" Ritsuko demanded.

"Nothing," Gendo replied. "I don't have time to waste on petty squabbles like this - there has been enough of a delay in our work."

"I see," Ritsuko nodded, glad that Shinji wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

"Now, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"The living arrangements for the pilots," Ritsuko answered.

"As far as I'm aware, we only need to find accommodation for the Second Child." Gendo's tone was even, but hinted that he might be becoming bored by this conversation.

"I think that it would be a risk for all of the pilots to be living together."

"So? Look after the Second Child," Gendo callously told his subordinate.

Before the blonde could protest that Asuka disliked her more than the combination of haemorrhoids and violently applied wedgies, there was a call on Gendo's emergency line.

"What is it?" the bearded man asked.

Not being able to hear both sides of the conversation, Ritsuko waited for Ikari to give her an explanation.

Gendo frowned. "How?"

"I see. Thank you for telling me so promptly, Sensei."

"What's happened?" Ritsuko was finally able to ask as Gendo hung up the phone.

"Chairman Lorenz is dead. He died of a heart attack four hours ago," Gendo sat back in his chair as he contemplated how this would affect him and his plans. "This will delay our work for a while."

Ritsuko nodded. With this latest development, getting any funding for the HIP was going to be difficult. "What do we do now?"

"Our goals remain the same, but the path we must take to reach them has changed. I believe that you have some synchronisation tests to oversee, Doctor."

Ritsuko took this as an order to continue as normal. "Yes sir."

After the blonde left the room, Gendo considered if he would ever see his beloved Yui again now that the whole Human Instrumentality Project was in doubt.

"Yui-chan," he whispered. He shook his head to clear the sentimental thoughts that were now clouding his judgement.

##########

As the pilots entered NERV head quarters, a certain long haired man of dubious morals shot Shinji a glare.

"Kaji!" Asuka greeted enthusiastically.

"Hi Asuka," Kaji waved back. "Rei."

"Agent Kaji," Rei politely acknowledged the man's greeting.

"Kaji-san," Shinji bowed slightly, but kept and eye on the bane of Misato's post-college life.

"Shinji." Kaji rubbed his throat in memory of the Third Child's actions. 'I'll get you for that chicken-shit attack,' he added silently.

The pilots left the angry man to his thoughts of revenge and made their way to the changing rooms.

##########

Maya Ibuki was having problems seeing over the pile of documents that she was carrying and so did not notice the closing doors ahead of her.

Shinji was heading towards the pretty young lady, trying to avoid the overly friendly hands of Rei and saw what was going to happen.

He lunged forward, but misjudged the distance and over shot the target. It was Shinji's upper arm that stopped the door from slamming into the currently oblivious woman.

Grunting, the boy pulled and held the door open for Maya.

"Oh, thank you Shinji-kun," she greeted the helpful young man. On the inside though, she was not feeling too pleased with the fact that she had her hands full of something other than Shinji.

"Are you all right Maya-san?" Shinji asked.

"I am now that you're here," Maya answered with a light blush on her cheeks.

Rei watched the scene unfold in front of her with her normal lack of emotion until Asuka pointed out the fact that the lieutenant was edging closer to Shinji.

"We must be going to the synchronisation tests, Shinji-kun," Rei took Shinji's hand and led him away from this latest temptress.

Maya sighed sadly when she saw the handsome young man being taken away by two young floozies, but brightened up when she remembered that Ritsuko had mentioned that some new cameras had been installed and that she could hack into the live feed.

"I must get these to Sempai," muttered absently to herself.

##########

One of the members of SEELE contemplated the new situation in the wake of the suspicious death of Chairman Lorenz. He was never a big fan of Ikari, and so decided that this would be a good opportunity to remove him from NERV.

The large nosed man instructed his man in the field to make arrangements for an "accident" to eliminate the current commander of NERV.

##########

Rei changed her clothes with a practiced efficiency, hoping to reduce the time spent away from Shinji.

Asuka, however, wanted to know why her fellow pilot was so enamoured with the Commander's son. "Just what is it everyone sees in the Third Child?"

"Shinji-kun makes me feel things that I have never felt before," Rei replied.

"He forces you to touch him?" Asuka was aghast. "I'll kill him for that."

"No," Rei stopped the auburn haired girl before she could storm out of the changing room.

"What? Are you defending that pervert?"

Rei shook her head in the negative. "I know that many boys his age are perverts, but the idea that Shinji-kun would force me to do such things is as absurd as people changing shape with the application of cold water."

Asuka relented in her argument about Shinji's alleged perversions and gave a wry smile at Rei's attempt at a joke. "Yeah, that'd break the laws of Thermodynamics."

Rei was about to add that it was women that wanted to engage in sexual acts with Shinji, when Asuka realised that they were going to be late.

"Come on Rei, we've got a test to excel at."

##########

After the Sync test, Shinji was waiting for Rei and Asuka in the lobby when he saw his father walk past him.

"F-father," Shinji started, still feeling intimidated by the emotionally closed off man.

"Shinji," Gendo acknowledged, before walking off.

As Rei and Asuka called Shinji over, something caught his eye. It was a falling air conditioning duct cover and it was going to hit his fellow pilots.

Reacting faster then ever before outside of his Eva, the pilot of Unit 01 leapt into action and pushed the girls out of the way of the descending object.

All three pilots grunted when they fell to the floor with Shinji's weight on them. Rei opened her eyes and looked around when she heard the Commander's son scream in pain.

Asuka nearly screamed ""PERVERT!", but Rei interrupted her thoughts by asking: "Shinji, are you all right?"

"R-rei, it's my foot," Shinji answered, tears leaking out of his eyes.

Rei inspected the appendage in question and saw that the duct cover had dented where it had impacted on the heel of Shinji's right foot. Pulling out her phone, Rei demanded that a medical team arrive on scene immediately.

Asuka removed herself from under Shinji, taking care not to further aggravate her school mate's injuries. Her eyes scanned the ceiling and realised that if Shinji hadn't have acted, she'd be the injured party.

##########

Outside the medical ward, the Second-in-command of NERV was enquiring as to the condition of the Third Child.

"What's the prognosis, Doctor Akagi?" Fuyutsuki asked the blonde. "Is Shinji going to be able to pilot Unit 01 anytime soon?"

Ritsuko shook her head. "Shinji's heel has been shattered and some of the other bones in his foot have been cracked. He's in a lot of pain right now."

"I see, well I need to inform the Commander," Fuyutsuki parted company with the scientist.

As soon as Kozo Fuyutsuki left the medical facilities, Ritsuko appeared at the door of Shinji's room with a bowl and a washcloth.

"It's time for your sponge bath, Shinji-kun. Now be a good boy, and lie still."

"Ritsuko-san, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to give you a sponge bath, Shinji-kun. Some people say that it's the only good thing about a hospital stay," she replied with a saucy wink. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

As the doctor started her tender cleansing actions, Shinji decided that he needed a question answering. "Ritsuko-san, why is everyone so interested in me?"

Ritsuko paused in her cleaning. "It's because you're a nice young man that would act to save others, even if they didn't deserve it. You're handsome, domesticated and I hear that you can play the cello."

As Ritsuko entertained a few naughty thoughts about uses for Shinji's dextrous hands and nimble fingers, Shinji digested this appraisal of him and felt good about himself, better than he had in a long while.

"It's nice to be thought of so highly," Shinji said to himself with a small smile.

"Oh, I think very highly of you Shinji-kun," Ritsuko punctuated her comments with a caress of Shinji's thigh.

"R-ritsuko-san!" Shinji protested.

"I'm sorry Shinji-kun, it's just that I get so lonely sometimes. Being cooped up here in the dark bowels of NERV, I'm lucky if I get to see my pet cats more than once a week. My job takes its toll on the already pathetic social life of a career scientist," Ritsuko's head hung in shame at her admission.

Shinji felt bad for assuming that Dr Akagi was just a pervert and not a lonesome person. "I'm sorry, Ritsuko-san, I didn't know. I would ask if you'd you like to go out for a picnic or something to make it up to you, but you know," he gestured to his injured extremity.

"Shinji-kun, I think that I would be acceptable for us to take a trip outside in a few days. Once I've confirmed that your bones have started to heal correctly, we can get some fresh air together," Ritsuko suggested.

A knock on the door stopped Ritsuko's daydream about sex in public with Shinji before it got started.

"Come in," Shinji said to the door.

"Are you feeling better, Shinji-kun?" Rei asked, concern entering her usually even voice.

"Yeah. I'm in a little bit of pain, but I'll manage. How are you?"

"I am glad that you will recover promptly. I have brought some flowers to make the room more pleasant during your stay here," Rei answered and showed Shinji and the doctor a mixed arrangement of flowers.

"Thank you Rei," Shinji bowed as best he could in appreciation. "The flowers are very nice."

"Yes they are," Ritsuko grudgingly agreed. "Unfortunately, I'm giving Shinji a sponge bath right now, so you'll have to come back later."

Rei was prepared for this argument from the blonde. "It is my duty to ensure the safety of Shinji-kun. Your previous actions when alone with Shinji-kun have not instilled me with confidence that he will remain safe without my presence."

"It's all right, Rei," Shinji intervened. "I know that, like me, Ritsuko-sensei was just lonely. I think that a picnic in a few days would be a nice idea. Would you like to come too, Rei?"

'A chance to be close to Shinji-kun sounds most enjoyable, I need to consider just how this excursion might go,' Rei considered. "Yes, I think that I would like that. When are you thinking of leaving with me Shinji-kun?"

"WE will be leaving the day after tomorrow, IF Shinji-kun's foot has started to heal correctly," Ritsuko interjected. She had to make sure that if Rei was going on a picnic with the delectable Shinji, then she wasn't going alone with him. She had a strange feeling that the blue haired girl might try something if she was left alone.

"I see," Rei nodded. Though inwardly, she was most upset that she wouldn't be getting some private time with Shinji.

Another knock on the door turned Rei's attention away from the prone boy long enough for Ritsuko to fasten the top button on her blouse that had come open earlier. Not that she'd been too bothered by the idea of Shinji seeing her cleavage, but Misato might appear at any time and take offence at any attempts to seduce Shinji.

"Hi ya, Shin-chan," the female voice greeted the room.

"Hi Misato-san," the young Ikari greeted back.

'Damn,' Ritsuko grumbled to herself. 'I won't lose Shinji to that slut without a damned good fight.'

"I hear that you're not going to be piloting Unit-01 any time soon. Looks like you're getting a much needed break," Misato smiled.

"Misato-san, we're all planning to go on a picnic in a few days, would you like to come?" Shinji asked his roommate.

"Shin-chan, I'll come wherever you want me to," Misato misspoke.

Luckily for the captain, Shinji was still feeling the effects of this recent surgery and didn't catch the woman's Freudian slip. He merely smiled pleasantly as his eyes started to close.

Ritsuko noticed it, as was evidenced by her twitching eye.

"I believe that it would be best for Shinji-kun to be allowed to rest," Rei tried her best to usher the other women out of the room.

Another knock on the door interrupted the "discussion" on who should stay with the partially clothed Shinji.

Asuka entered the room. She blinked, unsure of why there were so many people visiting Shinji. Pushing that thought from her mind, she asked how Shinji was feeling.

The boy in question opened his eyes and yawned. "Hi Asuka. What brings you here?"

"I wanted thank you for earlier. I haven't had anybody risk their life like that for me before," Asuka explained. She had spent some time in front of a mirror practising so she could say her little bit without blushing.

Not that she would ever admit to having feelings for anyone other than Kaji.

"That's all right, Asuka," Shinji modestly replied. "I'd do that for anyone."

The pilot of Unit 01 gestured to first to Misato, then to the rest of the room.

Miss Sohryu looked at Misato, who sighed contentedly at the idea of being in Shinji's thoughts. She decided not to ask "What's with her?" as Rei started to shepherd the other women out of the room.

"Shinji-kun requires rest. We can visit him tomorrow."

##########

The next day, Shinji was roused from his mid-morning nap by the sound of klaxons alerting all of those on the base that there was an Angel attack imminent.

Still not fully awake and thus aware of his location, the young Ikari tried to move from his bed.

"Ah, ah," he gasped in pain when he realised that his leg was still suspended in a sling.

Not being able to do anything else, Shinji lay in the hospital cot worrying about the other. "Will they be all right without me?"

##########

Misato briefed the two active pilots as best she could, given the situation.

"We can't tell you much about this thing, so be careful out there, you two."

"I shall endeavour to defeat this Angel efficiently as possible, Captain Katsuragi. I wish to be able to enjoy my planned free time with Shinji-kun," Rei acknowledged the captain's orders and inadvertently angered the purple haired woman.

"Leave this to me," Asuka smirked. "Let me show you what years of training and a top of the line Eva can do."

With that, the redhead left for Unit 02 before Misato could point out that it was Shinji in Unit 02 that defeated the last Angel. It was just as well, because Asuka would have complained that it was Shinji's presence that stopped her from shining. And that would have started a huge argument between the pilot and the rest of the NERV staff. There had been enough of a disruption at NERV without trying to hide the fact that a valuable asset had been lynched.

##########

Asuka's Eva tensed like a spring, ready to leap into action. All she was waiting for was the command from Misato.

'Damn, when's the attack order coming?' Asuka grumbled to herself. She saw the Angel advance and decided that a decisive strike would make everyone appreciate her skills.

When the Angel was forcibly split in two, Asuka turned to Rei in Unit 00. "See?"

That was when the two sections of the Angel formed two separate entities and counterattacked.

##########

The debriefing was not pleasant for the pilots. Even Rei got scolded by the Commander.

"You're lucky we have a week before it regenerates and attacks again. Now we have to redraw the map."

Rei remained silent, knowing that Shinji would make her feel better.

'It' just not fair. I'm the best pilot, the prettiest girl in school and I've got the best equipment. So why the Hell are my skills being compared to a retarded monkey with a crack habit?' Asuka managed to keep her rage internal.

It was a good thing too, as Misato would have made their lives even more difficult if Shinji had been hurt in the attack. Misato Katsuragi was still unconvinced that Asuka was all she was cracked up to be.

Of course, her opinion was incredibly biased whenever Shinji Ikari was involved.

"Captain Katsuragi," Gendo addressed the chief tactical officer. "You and the pilots have one week to defeat the Angel or we all perish. I believe that you have plans for the future that don't include painful death."

"Understood, sir," Misato saluted.

But while the pressure was now on, Ritsuko would be more willing to use that brilliant brain of hers. And that was something that Misato was counting on.

##########

Shinji was worried about the looks on the faces of his visitors.

"Is everything all right?" he asked. "Did any of you get hurt in the Angel attack?"

Misato sat on Shinji's bed.

"Only pride, Shin-chan. But we're in trouble: - we need to finish off the Angel in a week or we're going to be in trouble. We only slowed it down because we hit it with an N2 blast."

Shinji's mind began thinking about the attack. He knew that Unit 02 was powerful, the fight against the aquatic Angel told him that much. "What happened?"

"We were surprised by the Angel fissioning into two separate entities and attacking us together," Rei explained as she edged closer to the bed, hoping to interrupt the purple haired floozy's course of "treatment" for Shinji.

'I have my doubts that Shinji-kun requires this "sexual healing",' Miss Ayanami considered the captain's words from earlier.

"Perhaps you could fight them in a synchronised attack?" Shinji suggested as he felt both of Misato's hands inch their way up his torso.

His words saved his chastity for a moment as they sank in.

"That's my Shin-chan," Misato gushed as she placed the Third Child's head in her ample cleavage. "Always thinking."

Asuka nearly heaved in disgust at the idea of a grown woman fawning over a boy. Especially one as pathetic looking as Shinji.

Ritsuko barged in, having watched Shinji's visitors on the CCTV monitor.

"Misato, this is a hospital, not some sleazy Love Hotel!"

"Says you," Misato shot back.

Ritsuko's indignation masked her embarrassment at the justified accusation from her "old friend".

"He's turning blue, Captain Katsuragi," Asuka pointed out with a smirk.

Misato backed off and blushed as Shinji gasped for air. "Sorry Shin-chan."

Shinji just nodded, not wanting to risk upsetting his friend by speaking in a hoarse whisper.

Ritsuko decided to cut short the visit. "I'm afraid that Shinji needs to get some more rest."

Misato frowned at the doctor, but pouted cutely at "her" Shin-chan. "I'll be back later," she promised with a wink.

"I will also be back to check up on you," Rei stated as she stood up and pull Misato of the bed.

Asuka merely shook her head at the scene in front of her. Though for some reason, she felt that there was something missing from her life. 'Perhaps seeing Kaji will make me feel better,' the fiery tempered girl considered.

Deciding that visiting her travelling companion was a good idea, Asuka quietly slipped away.

##########

On her way to see Kaji, Asuka saw the long haired man talking with Maya.

Intrigued as to why scruffy man would want to speak with the bridge bunny, the pilot hid out of sight to spy on the adults.

"So, you have any plans for the evening?"

Maya managed to not say the first thing that entered her pretty head. Which was a good thing, as Gendo strode by.

The commander of NERV wanted to speak with his son. "Is Shinji in his room?"

"I don't know, sir," Maya answered.

Gendo said nothing as he turned away from Kaji's chatting up of the young lieutenant. He felt the glare of the double agent on his back and nearly smirked.

'Keep up those thoughts and I'll show you why they call me the "Bastard King".'

##########

To be continued......

Thanks go out to Chi Vayne for pointing out errors that my crappy vision missed.

Is there anything here that gives any of you cause for complaint? Or if perhaps you have some ego inflating praise that you wish to shower me with?

If so, feel free to contact me in your usual method.

My email addresses are:

lordraa(at)digitalpimp(dot)co(dot)uk

Or

lordaa(at)hotmail(dot)com

Feel free to drop me a line if you want me to continue another story that seems to have been neglected.

PS, Lord The Night Knight – I haven't reviewed the latest chapter of "EVA! PARALLEL REALITY GENESIS" for a reason – the chapter is not complete.

But I still like what I read and you webcomic makes me smile when I get the non Eva references.

Until the next time

Laterer


	10. Chapter X

The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man:

All About Eva

By Lord Raa

Chapter X

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: "Let them eat cake." But if anybody touches mine, there will be bloodshed. I'm deadly serious, for I have Golden Syrup cake in the cupboard.

* * *

Brushing past Asuka's guardian with a smirk on his face, Gendo felt confident that should the disgruntled double agent act against him, Rei would intervene. That would bring in his son, in order to ensure that Rei remained safe. Then if anything were to happen to Shinji as a result of Kaji's actions, Misato would cut the man's heart out with a spoon. 

'A bit long winded and messy for my tastes, but then I'd probably be dead,' he thought.

Realising just where that thought was taking him, he assumed that his cranial pain was to blame for his aberrant behaviour and shut his eyes tightly in an unsuccessful attempt to force the pain from his skull, before continuing his journey to the infirmary.

Since Shinji had started to exert his strange new influence on the female population at large, he'd been suffering from increasingly frequent headaches. He thought that since he was in "that neck of the woods" to get some more painkillers, he might as well pay his son a visit.

Reaching the door to the room where his son was recovering, the commander of NERV was only mildly surprised to see the Third Child's older admirers standing outside.

"What are you doing here?" he asked. "Don't you have work to do?"

"I needed to check that Shinji's foot was healing correctly," Ritsuko answered.

"I see. And you Captain Katsuragi?"

"I was discussing potential battle plans with Shinji."

"Yes, I recall that during the last few Angel attacks Shinji took the initiative and brought us victory. Perhaps I should make him Chief of Tactical Operations," Gendo mused.

"That would result in Shinji-kun being in fewer situations where he is risking his life," Rei pointed out, having emerged from Shinji's room.

The other women vying for Shinji's love that were present nodded in approval at that assessment.

"I was being sarcastic," Gendo ground out. "I still need Shinji to pilot Unit 01. Asuka lacks combat experience. Even with Rei in the Prototype backing her up, she embarrassed us."

Asuka overheard this and frowned. 'How was I supposed to know that the damn thing would split in two? None of the Angels have been like the last.'

"Continue with your preparations for defeating this Angel," Gendo ordered before striding off in his arrogant manner. The attitude of the "We Love Shinji Club" was causing him to lose any concern he had for the Third Child.

* * *

Later that day, the "Old Hags" (as some referred to them as) were discussing the latest suggestions about how to defeat the regenerating Angel. 

Misato was reluctant to accept Kaji's help on principle.

"Look, Misato, I know you don't like Kaji much. I like to think that I'm easy going when it comes to people and I think he's obnoxious," Ritsuko tried to explain to her old friend. "Especially when compared to Shinji."

"No one compares to Shinji," Misato pointed out.

Ritsuko sighed, but it was unclear whether it was in exasperation or agreement.

"Look Misato, this is what the Magi thought about Kaji's plan." The bottle blonde handed her colleague a print out with an analysis on it.

Captain Katsuragi shrugged, but accepted the greater odds of success when the super computers factored in Kaji's expansion of Shinji's idea.

The women were a little reluctant to acknowledge that Kaji's suggestion actually had the details to make it work. But that was because of their old acquaintance's recent behaviour.

"All right, Ritsu, I'll get it sorted between. It looks like Asuka will be moving in with me and Rei."

"What about Shinji?"

"I guess that Asuka will take Shinji's room and Shinji will have to move into mine," Misato "innocently" suggested.

Ritsuko gave her opinion on that idea. "No, I don't think so, Misato."

Misato glared at the lab coat clad woman. "Oh? And why not, Miss Infallible Reasoning?"

"Because: 1) it's most improper; 2) you'll have your hands full with training Rei and Asuka and 3) I'm much better suited to help with Shinji's physiotherapy," Ritsuko answered smugly.

Misato glared daggers look at her "old friend". But before she could scream at the injustice of having her hands full with training two pilots and Ritsuko having her hands full of Shinji, Rei walked into the room.

"I am here to see what plans have been devised to defeat the Angel," the blue haired girl explained the purpose of her visit.

"We are looking at the suggestion from Kaji," Ritsuko explained. "We're going to have you and Asuka commit to a dual attack on the Angel. You will need to be in perfect synchronisation or the plan will fail."

"I see," Rei nodded slightly. "How will we train?"

"By using this dancing game." Misato handed a manual to Rei.

"I shall endeavour to use this training to full effect," Rei said as she flicked through the booklet. "I want Shinji-kun to enjoy his picnic with me when he is out of the hospital."

Misato didn't like the sound of that one bit. Neither did Ritsuko.

"I'm sorry, but as Shinji's doctor, I get final say on when he leaves the hospital."

Rei faced the scientist. "You are not a medical doctor, Dr. Akagi. I do not think that you have the authority to make that decision."

Misato smiled as she realised that Ritsuko would no longer have an excuse to examine Shinji so thoroughly.

'Ritsuko's too rough with my Shin-chan,' the Captain mused. "I have to go right now. Rei, I'll catch you and Asuka at my apartment. We'll set everything up after dinner at 7.00. Ok?"

Rei gave the woman a nod of acknowledgement.

* * *

Misato knocked on the door to Shinji's recovery room. 

"Shinji, are you awake?" she asked.

'Are you dressed?' she asked herself, not being averse to catching an eyeful of Shinji's naked flesh.

"I'm awake, Misato-san. You can come in," Shinji answered.

Misato opened the door and stepped in, smiling at her injured roommate.

"Is something up, Misato-san?" Shinji asked.

"Shin-chan, I need to tell you about the new sleeping arrangements in our apartment," Misato said gently, slipping into the visitor's chair at the side of the bed.

This gave Shinji the nasty feeling that he was going to get bad news. It was one he was familiar with after a number of years of neglect and indifference from his guardians.

"I see," Shinji sighed. "You want me to leave."

"What?" Misato asked, nearly falling off her seat. "I don't want you to leave, Shinji. What gave you that idea?"

"It's the way you said there was going to be new sleeping arrangements," Shinji responded, still unsure of what was going to happen.

"Well, the thing is," Misato started, taking Shinji's hands in hers, "Asuka needs to be in close proximity with Rei to train to operate in tandem. That means she needs a room next to Rei's."

"But, what about me?" Shinji asked, knowing that the defeat of the Angels came above all else. Even the little bit of happiness he so desperately sought.

"Well, technically, you get a bigger room," Misato answered with a cheeky grin. "You're moving into my room."

"But what about you, Misato san?" Shinji asked, aghast that he'd be putting his friend through so much inconvenience.

"I'll still be there, Shin-chan," Misato replied. "Keeping your bed nice and warm."

"But that's…" Shinji started, a blush colouring his cheeks.

"Absolutely unacceptable behaviour," a furious voice finished.

Shinji and Misato turned to face the seething Gendo Ikari.

"Father!" Shinji called out. He was surprised that the emotionally closed off man would visit him now as he hadn't bothered before.

"Commander, what are you doing here?" Misato asked

Gendo had been suffering from an incapacitating headache of near biblical proportions. Not wanting to be out of the loop with regards to the situation at SEELE, he'd simply taken a large dose of the painkillers he kept in his desk and when that had failed to dull the pain, he decided that alcohol would help.

It did, but that also meant that he was unable to react to any incoming information about who would be the new head of SEELE.

As a precaution, he'd made an appointment to see the chief medical officer in NERV.

"A word in private, Captain," Gendo responded, still not giving anything away.

Misato grimaced; it did not look good for her.

Outside Shinji's room, Gendo failed to fully explain the purpose of his visit.

"Shinji stays in the hospital until the Angel is defeated. If the Angel is stopped with minimal damage to the Evangelion Units and the surrounding area, then I'll allow Shinji to move back in with you."

Misato nearly responded with the question, "Who died and made you the person responsible for Shinji?"

The fact that a small voice in her head (one that was normally drowned out by alcohol) explained that Shinji's father was her boss and that he was standing in front of her prevented such a tactical blunder.

"Sir," Misato saluted and left to pick up the equipment for the training.

Gendo smiled, ever so slightly before entering the hospital room his son was now being forced to stay in.

"Shinji," he began ominously.

"Father," Shinji still couldn't face his parent. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"I have a need for you to get yourself to combat-ready status. I want to use you as a back up plan in case Katsuragi's fails. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Shinji answered meekly.

"Good." Gendo turned to leave. "Get well soon, son," he added in a quiet voice.

Shinji smiled, ever so slightly at that message of good will from his father, the first since he was four years old.

"I will father."

But by then, Gendo was down the corridor.

* * *

Ten minutes later, NERV's commander in Japan was sitting in one of the examination rooms in the NERV medical facility. The bespectacled man was discussing his malady with the grey-haired, male, duty doctor. 

"It feels like my neurons are being disconnected and reconnected one at a time, like a 1950's telephone exchange. I could take a fistful of painkillers and wash them down with whiskey, but with my responsibilities…" he trailed off.

"I understand," Doctor Keiichi Murata nodded. "I won't lie to you, it could be a number of things: - aneurysm; stroke; tumour or head injury. Plus there are the psychological factors. You mentioned your responsibilities so I can't rule out a stress related condition."

Gendo internally frowned at this. 'I do not need this complication. But I suppose that there could be worse times for this to occur.'

"But, again, YOU just can't take three weeks off on holiday," the balding doctor continued.

"That's why I'm here now and not when I've collapsed, Doctor," Gendo pointed out, his voice heavy with a mixture of sarcasm and fatigue.

Dr. Murata knew from experience that Gendo Ikari was not the easiest of people to get along with at the best of times and so took the attitude in his stride. "Let's get this started, shall we? I'll call and get them to set up the scans this evening. I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put you on nil by mouth for the time being."

Gendo grudgingly agreed with a curt nod.

* * *

Asuka was unimpressed with the outfit Misato was forcing her and Rei to wear for their training. The red haired pilot was stunned that her commanding officer would say something as scandalous as "I bet Shin-chan's ass would look really cute in those tight shorts" just before leaving to prepare herself a cup of coffee. 

But what really unsettled her was the follow up comment from the quiet girl.

"Does this choice of clothing cause my buttocks appear large?"

Asuka blinked at the oddly timed question. Normally you would expect women to ask that question when shopping for clothes, not when they are about to train for a life or death mission with a dancing game.

"No, why? Asuka asked impatiently.

"According to my research, some men find women in form fitting clothing sexually attractive. The idea of wearing a tight Lycra outfit without underwear while visiting Shinji-kun makes my nipples tingle," Rei admitted. "It is a pleasant sensation."

Asuka shook her head in sad disbelief. "I'm surrounded by freaks."

"Right," Misato re-entered the living room with a cup of coffee in her hand, "shall we begin?"

Asuka strode and claimed the dance-mat that was closest to the window, while Rei moved slowly, but gracefully to the other.

Donning their headphones, the two pilots started to follow the sequence of lights and bleeps.

Only to fall out of step after a mere thirteen seconds.

It took a tremendous amount of Misato's willpower not to laugh at the poor girls, who now lay on the floor tangled in a heap.

"That's not helping us Misato," Asuka grumbled when she saw the look on the Captain's face.

"You're right, Asuka. Now get up and start again."

As the pilots stood back up and prepared to begin again, Misato reminded them why they needed to be perfect with this. "Even if we're not all destroyed by this Angel, my life won't be worth living without Shinji."

Asuka shook her head at the woman with the schoolgirl crush on her fellow pilot. Not that her feelings for Kaji were like that, you understand. They were heartfelt, honest and noble. Even if Kaji never seemed to reciprocate them.

"I am fully aware of the implications of failure," Rei replied coolly. "I have scheduled a date with Shinji-kun, Captain Katsuragi."

'We'll see about that, you icy bitch,' Misato thought darkly. "Yes, well you understand why you need to get this right. So hop to it, children."

* * *

At that time, while the two active Evangelion pilots were humiliating themselves in front of NERV's tactical officer, Shinji was slowly becoming bored with his current situation in the recuperation ward. 

It was not because he had no one to talk to, but rather nothing to do. In the past, he would normally have done his homework, practiced his cello or more recently, cleaned Misato's apartment.

He sighed, thinking about what he thought he heard his father say during his flying visit earlier. The comforting words were being replayed in his mind, though he had a feeling that Gendo had an ulterior motive for saying them. And that was completely discounting the bit he said about him being the back up for the main battle plan against the regenerating Angel.

But that cynical opinion didn't sit quite right with Shinji. Yes, his father had summoned him to Tokyo-3 out of the blue to risk his life, but since he'd been wrong about Dr. Akagi being some kind of pervert and not a genuinely lonely person like he was, perhaps Gendo now wanted to be part of a family again.

That conclusion was completely unfounded, but it made Shinji feel a little bit better nonetheless.

But that still didn't solve his problem of being bored out of his skull. Deciding that despite the ceiling becoming familiar, he needed to get out of the room.

Shinji extricated himself from the sling that held his foot and swung his legs off the edge of his bed. He then took a deep breath to brace himself for the expected agony of putting his weight on the injured limb before opting to hop to a nearby pair of crutches using his good leg.

Feeling a little guilty at first for leaving his room without a doctor's approval, Shinji reconciled that with the fact that he needed to relieve himself and that by doing this, he was following his father's instructions to get in a vaguely combat ready status.

Or he hoped that he would be able to say that if he was questioned by anybody that stopped him.

As Shinji set off, he was unaware that his hospital gown was open at the back, allowing all that followed him a free view of Misato's favourite squeeze toy.

* * *

As Shinji hobbled down the corridor, Kaji spotted the injured teen. There was still something about the pilot that the secret agent disliked; it was just incredibly hard to put his finger on. 

Kaji was tempted to pull a mean-spirited and childish prank on Shinji, but before he could properly weigh up the pros and cons of such immature actions, Maya Ibuki walked up to the unofficial Mr. Tokyo-3.

The title was not recognised by the authorities only because the contest didn't exist. Not that any of the women of NERV would ever vote for another man.

"Hello Shinji-kun," Dr. Akagi's assistant greeted with a smile.

"Oh, hello, Ibuki-san," Shinji bowed slightly because of his position.

"Why are you out of your room like this?" she asked, concerned that the young man might hurt himself further.

"I need to…" Shinji blushed as he tried to best word the purpose of his journey.

"Need to what?" Maya asked, now concerned that Shinji's reddening face was a new problem.

"Go to the toilet," Shinji admitted, hanging is head in embarrassment.

"Don't you have a bed-pan in your room?" Maya asked as she stepped closer to wounded pilot. "Oh, I see, you must be ever so bored on your own in there. I'm sorry that I haven't been able to visit you. Let me make it up to you. I'll help you to the restrooms."

The short-haired woman smiled to herself as she slipped an arm around Shinji's waist and noticed his lack of undergarments.

'Not that he'll be needing those at the end of our dates,' Maya though saucily.

Shinji blushed heavily at the close contact with the "Bridge Bunny".

"I don't want to be a bother to you, Miss Ibuki. I'm sure that I'm keeping you from your work."

"Don't be silly Shinji-kun," Maya smiled at the boy. "And you can call me Maya."

"Ok, Maya-san," Shinji reluctantly agreed.

"Shinji, I know that you must be bored in that room, but I really think that you should be in a wheelchair. You don't want to risk doing your body more harm then good," Maya expressed her disapproval at Shinji's actions.

"But I really need to go to the toilet." Shinji emphasised his need by crossing his legs as best he could.

"I'll help you, Shinji-kun."

Maya aided Shinji trip to the toilet but was stopped from going in by Gendo.

"Lieutenant Ibuki, I sincerely hope that you were not planning on following my son into the men's room."

"I was just helping Shinji-kun to the toilet," Maya said, intimidated by the Commander's gaze.

"I'll take it from here," Gendo told the young woman.

Kaji continued to silently observe the unfolding situation. He was unaware of a reason for the unpopular Ikari to be in the medical area.

'Rei is with Misato,' he recalled, 'so why is he here?'

* * *

Back at the Katsuragi apartment, the Captain decided that it was time to break for a quick snack. 

"I'm sorry that I've not got much to choose from, but you can fight over the instant ramen," Misato explained, handing the tired trainee dancers a bag from the local convenience store.

"What about you?" Asuka grumbled angrily.

"I've got some leftovers from the last meal Shinji cooked here," Misato answered smugly.

"You mean that you get home-cooking while we have plastic noodles?" Asuka yelled at her room-mate.

"Judging by your performance tonight, you're lucky I'm feeding you at all. And I though that you were supposed to be the best, Asuka," Misato shot back.

"It's not me, it's her!" Asuka pointed at Rei.

"Do not blame me for your incompetence, Pilot Sohryu. Several of the mistakes made were yours," Rei defended herself.

Asuka growled at the blue haired girl.

"She's right, Asuka," Misato pointed out.

"I see your game. I'm know 'pick on the new girl' when I see it," the auburn haired pilot spat venomously. "I'll prove to you freaks that I can do this stupid dancing game."

"You both know where the kettle is." Misato pretended to be hurt by the teenager's words, but had to turn away to the kitchen to hide her smile.

* * *

When Gendo had finished washing his hands, he waited for his son to finish up in order to speak with him. 

"Shinji," he started, still unable to lose the indifferent tone he took with anyone other than Rei.

"Yes Father?" Shinji answered, drying his hands.

"I…" Gendo started to sweat. He loosened his collar, but that did nothing to ease his breathing.

Finally he slipped to the floor, narrowly avoiding hitting his head.

"Get me Dr. Murata. I need to speak with him," Gendo ordered.

"Yes, Father," Shinji nodded and reached for the man's phone.

Shinji, not knowing the number for the doctor in question, dialled the switchboard. "I need to speak with Dr. Murata. Can you connect me?"

#Please hold.#

Shinji would have been pacing if he two good legs.

#Dr. Murata here, how can I help you?#

"Doctor, it's Shinji Ikari here. My father's collapsed he asked me to speak with you. He slid to the floor, but didn't hit his head."

#Is he breathing?#

"Yes, but it's shallow."

#Can you check his pupils for me?#

Shinji placed the mobile on the floor and removed the sweating man's glasses. The boy tried his best to see into his father's eyes, but was hampered by his own injury. Finally, he was able to see that they were dilated.

"They're big. Is that goods or bad?"

#Depends. Where are you?#

Shinji was beginning to panic. I'm in the toilets closest to the recovery room. Can you help me please?"

#I'm two minutes away, Shinji. Keep him awake, ok?#

"Yes sir," Shinji hung up the phone. "You've got to stay awake, Father."

"Wha…?" was Gendo's eloquent reply.

"I called the doctor, he said to keep you awake. Please Father, you've got to," Shinji pleaded with tears in his eyes.

"So much like your mother: always wanting to help others. If I don't regain consciousness, tell Fuyutsuki to…"

"To what, Father?" Shinji asked, gently slapping his father in the face to keep him from falling unconscious.

Several long seconds passed for Shinji, before Gendo seemed able to continue his instructions.

"Tell him that…"

The door swung open and the balding doctor rushed in with a team of paramedics.

"Right, we'll take it from here. You get back to your room," the doctor instructed as he checked the pupils with his pen-light. He turned to face the panic stricken pilot. "Shinji, I'll let you know something when I find out why he collapsed. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."

* * *

To be continued… 

And in case that ending doesn't make you hate me, I will be going to Kawaii Kon in April 2005.

Thanks go out to Chi Vayne for pre-reading this.

If you have any reason to complain/compliment me, then you should contact me in your preferred fashion.

My email don't you know it by now?

Oh well. If you can figure out the missing bits: lordraa digitalpimp co.uk

Until the next time.


	11. Legs Eleven

The Adventures of Jusenkyo Man:

All About Eva.

By Lord Raa

Legs Eleven.

* * *

Disclaim-me-do: Konnten Sie mir ein progressives Messer geben, bitte?

* * *

The "story" thus far (for those that care or aren't too familiar with the whole Jusenkyo Man idea): After having his curse unlocked following the defeat of Herb, Ranma Saotome started to develop new powers that related to his Jusenkyo curse (this happened in "Unexpected Effect"). It seemed that life was finally looking up for him, what with the fiancée situation seemingly being sorted. However, it was not to be. 

Disaster struck, and everybody on Earth was killed when the biosphere was destroyed in a meteor shower. Almost everybody, for a powerful ship had quickly gotten Ranma off-world for an important mission – ensuring the survival of the human race.

The first stop on his travels throughout the multiverse was to a Silver Millennium timeline where the Senshi were about to be annihilated by an unstoppable foe. It was here that Setsuna Meiou, Sailor Pluto, decided to accompany the pigtailed voyager.

Over the years, Ranma picked up many fighting techniques, including Hiten Mitsurugi, and used them against his nemesis: the Flid and their agents.

And now, he is trying to prevent the Third Impact…

* * *

Because Misato was using the facilities in her apartment, it was up to one of the two training pilots to answer the door. Asuka used her "natural leadership" to nominate Rei for this task. 

"Can I help you?" the blue haired pilot asked the trio of visitors.

"We were looking for Ikari-kun," Hikari answered, a light blush colouring her cheeks. "We haven't seen him at school for a few days, and as his friends, we didn't want him to fall behind with his schoolwork."

"Shinji-kun is not here at the moment. He is currently in hospital recovering from an injury."

"Was he hurt in the Attack?" Kensuke asked. If Shinji was being hospitalised on a regular basis, then he might have to reconsider begging the NERV Captain for a chance to pilot the Evas.

"Can I help you?" the blue haired pilot asked the trio of visitors. 

"We were looking for Ikari-kun," Hikari answered, a light blush colouring her cheeks. "We haven't seen him at school for a few days, and as his friends, we didn't want him to fall behind with his schoolwork."

"Shinji-kun is not here at the moment. He is currently in hospital recovering from an injury."

"Was he hurt in the Attack?" Kensuke asked. If Shinji was being hospitalised on a regular basis, then he might have to reconsider begging the NERV Captain for a chance to pilot the Evas.

Misato exited the toilet and saw that Rei was speaking with someone. "Who're you talking to, Rei?"

"It is some of Shinji-kun's classmates. I was about to ask them to leave, as they are interrupting our training."

"Training?" Hikari asked.

"Yes," Misato said as she walked up to the teenagers. "This Angel requires two pilots working in complete coordination-"

The ringing of the house phone interrupted the purple haired woman.

"Hello?"

Misato, it's Ritsuko here. There's been an emergency here at NERV. The Commander has collapsed. 

"Is he ok?"

He's in a stable condition at the moment. Fuyutsuki wanted you to continue training the pilots. 

"What about Shinji?"

He's the one that called the doctor. Though he shouldn't have been out of his bed. 

"Ok. I'll let Rei and Asuka know. See you later," Misato hung up.

Asuka insisted the captain tell her what was going on.

"Commander Ikari has been rushed to the medical facility."

"Commander Ikari?" Touji asked. "Does that mean he's related to Shinji?"

"The Commander of NERV is Shinji-kun's father," Rei confirmed.

The quiet pilot turned away from the door and headed towards her room.

"Where do you think you're going?" Asuka demanded.

"I am going to visit the Commander and to comfort Shinji-kun as best I can," Rei replied. She didn't even bother turning her head to speak to the girl with the unpleasant attitude.

"I'm sorry, Rei, but the Sub-Commander wants you two to continue training. I'll go in and see if there's any news." The captain turned to face the Third Child's classmates. "Sorry this has been a wasted trip for you. I'll let Shinji know you stopped by."

Misato grabbed her jacket, purse and car keys before ushering out the Third Child's callers.

* * *

Walking to the room where Gendo Ikari was under observation, Misato readied the dressing down she was going to give the Third Child for not being in his room. When she saw the pilot hobble way to the toilet, she completely forgot what she was going to say. 

Yet again, the tactical officer of NERV was distracted by Shinji's bare behind being displayed.

"Misato-chan!" a familiar, yet unwelcome male voice called out to her.

This was enough to wake Ms. Katsuragi from her fantasy.

"What is it, Kaji?" Katsuragi asked, venom dripping from her voice.

"I wanted to ask you out for this evening," Kaji said in his most suave voice.

"I see you've tarted yourself up. Oh, you stepped closer to the razor this time," Misato mocked her old boyfriend.

"That hurts, Misato." Kaji clutched at his heart. "I made this effort just for you."

"Thanks, I am so flattered," Misato deadpanned. "Now, if you're finished your failed attempt at fraternising with your co-worker, I'm here to see the Commander."

"And Shinji."

"Fuck you, Kaji. I'm a professional," Misato shot back angrily.

Now it was Kaji's turn to counter. "Try your lies elsewhere, Misato. I saw you gawp at Shinji's ass!"

Ritsuko wordlessly walked up to the arguing pair.

"As entertaining as watching this is, I'm going to have to ask the pair of you to SHUT THE FUCK UP!" the blonde shouted at the "adults". "This is a hospital, can you keep it down?"

Misato took a breath to calm herself. "I'm sorry, Ritsuko; this fuckwit keeps hassling me for a date."

Kaji twitched at the cruel dismissal from his former lover.

Ritsuko would normally have tried to set the two back up, as it would have made for one less competitor for Shinji, but she couldn't spend the time to get the overgrown teenagers to speak to each other on civil terms. Especially when there was a regenerating Angel not far from the base.

"Well, now that that's settled, Misato, I take it you're here for an update on the Commander?" Ritsuko asked, leading the Captain away from the man that had tried the same thing with her earlier.

"Yes, how's he doing?" Misato asked, glaring daggers at the lecherous man before walking off with Ritsuko.

Shinji had finished using the toilets and exited started on his way back to his father's room.

Kaji, still upset with his encounter with Misato, was standing in the corridor. He thought about why he was so bothered about Shinji's popularity with the ladies of Tokyo-3. He was so wrapped up in thought trying to find an excuse that wasn't simple jealousy that he didn't notice that he was blocking the hallway.

"Excuse me, Kaji-san," a tired voice requested. "You're in the way."

"What?" He turned around to see Shinji standing on a pair of crutches. "Oh, sorry."

Shinji smiled as he thanked the man, not knowing that there had been an incident with Misato.

Kaji took this the wrong way and silently vowed revenge, before slipping away to sulk.

* * *

In Gendo Ikari's room, Ritsuko was just explaining what the shorthand on Gendo's chart meant. 

"This means that he should be given glucose in his IV. Misato, will you pay attention!"

"Sorry," Misato sheepishly replied. "I was thinking about Kaji."

"Oh?" Ritsuko thought that this was promising. 'Perhaps I can still get those two together and I can have Shinji.'

"Yeah. Doesn't he seem desperate to you?" Misato asked. "I mean, he's trying everything to get someone in the sack. Don't think that I've not noticed him chasing after others when I turned him down."

"I know what you mean," Ritsuko replied. "He's tried it on with me, but I've always told him I'm too busy."

"Told who you're too busy?" a sleepy voice asked.

"Kaji. Weren't you listening?" Ritsuko asked. Then identity of who it was that asked the question sank in. "Commander?"

"Yes," the fatigued voice replied. "What happened?"

"You collapsed in the men's room and Shinji phoned for Doctor Murata. That was earlier this afternoon. How are you feeling?" Ritsuko asked, already alerting the medical staff.

"Father, you're awake!" Shinji stated the obvious, having just entered the room with Dr. Murata sipping on a cup of coffee.

"Yes." Gendo blinked, his eyes not yet ready for the light in his room. "So then, Ritsuko, where's Dr. Murata?"

"I'm here, Commander. I can't say that I approve of you having so many visitors at the moment," the grey haired man commented. "Well, it's a good thing that you're awake."

"Yes, I suppose so. What's the prognosis?"

"As far as I can tell, you should be ok, if you get plenty of rest," Murata answered. "One thing did puzzle me though; when we did a blood test, we saw what something odd in your results."

"What was it?" Shinji asked, concerned for his father's wellbeing.

"I noticed what looked like metal particulates in the sample. You haven't been in a workshop have you?"

"Not recently," Gendo replied after a moment's thought. "And I certainly don't spend enough time in one to have a build up in my body."

The doctor frowned, he didn't like medical puzzles like this.

Fuyutsuki rushed to the room, looking for Gendo.

"Ikari, I've got some bad news," he said, breathing hard from exertion.

"What?" Gendo asked as he scratched his beard with his right hand.

"There's been a series of incidents concerning SEELE that we need to discuss," Fuyutsuki explained as he took a seat. "I think we should do so in private."

"Agreed. Everybody else, wait outside," Gendo ordered.

As Shinji and the others left the room, an eavesdropping Kaji found himself unable to resist this opportunity to get a small measure of revenge. Though the normally unshaven man realised that he was behaving in an extremely petty fashion, it made him feel better to see Shinji suffer some misfortune.

Sticking his foot out, Kaji tripped Shinji up, causing the inured boy to stumble into Ritsuko. The resultant domino effect knocked the faux blonde to the ground, she landing on her backside with a stunned Shinji landing on top.

What bothered Misato the most was not that the Third Child had fallen to the floor, but the fact that her "old friend" had been fortunate enough to be in the right place to steal a kiss from "her beloved Shin-chan".

As Ritsuko was in better health than Shinji, she recovered before him and slipped him some tongue, causing the bewildered boy's eyes to spring open.

In his struggle to get up, Shinji placed his hands somewhere that would be considered highly inappropriate for most co-workers. Though it must be noted that Ritsuko did not seem too disinclined to have a semi-naked Shinji lie on top of her with his hands on her breasts.

The evidence of this conclusion for the casual observer? The fact that the scientist's shapely legs were wrapped around Shinji's waist.

Misato, livid at the brazen actions of the doctor, grabbed the squirming pilot and wrenched him from Ritsuko's vice-like grip. Holding Shinji like the he was a stereotypical damsel in distress and she was the knight in shining armour, the purple haired captain whisked Shinji off to the safety of his hospital room.

So incensed by the overt sexual advances her friend saw fit to display, Misato's hands failed to take similar advantage of a scantily clad Shinji.

Slamming the door shut behind them, Misato gently placed the panicky pilot on the bed and smiled to reassure him.

"W-what just happened Misato?" Shinji asked as he wrapped himself in the bed sheets.

"Ritsuko tried to take advantage of you, Shin-chan," Misato said as she paced by the window. "Again."

"W-why?" Shinji looked at his guardian, his eyes watery with tears. "Why would she do that?"

Misato sighed. It was part of Shinji's charm that he was innocent and naïve, but it was becoming increasingly frustrating for her.

"Shinji, you have to understand what it's like for us women," Misato replied as she sat in the visitor's chair. "Birth rates are down considerably on the 20th century's, mainly because of infertility rates but also because good men are in short supply. You know that the Second Impact killed half the world's population."

"But what does that have to do with me?" Shinji asked puzzled.

"There are two reasons for sex Shin-chan: procreation and recreation. Sometimes we women feel the need to have a baby. And in order for the human race to survive, we need these babies to make future generations. Are you with me so far?"

"Yes," Shinji nodded. He sniffed as he wiped his nose on the tissue Misato handed him. "But why me?"

Misato blushed as she answered. "Shinji, remember what I said about good men?"

Shinji nodded.

"Well, you're the best marriage prospect around. You're smart, handsome, domesticated, brave…" Misato started to reel off Shinji's good points,

"I'm not brave," Shinji interrupted in a small voice. He curled up into a ball, as if to prove his point.

"I think you are, Shinji. You pilot the Eva knowing that you could get hurt."

Shinji uncurled from his foetal position slightly at Misato's reasoning.

The tactical officer smiled at the progress she made. "You're important Shinji, especially to me. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

Shinji nodded before falling asleep.

Misato gave Shinji a kiss on the forehead before leaving to deal with Akagi.

* * *

"So then Sensei, what's happened with SEELE?" Gendo asked. 

"Gendo, the news is not good. Several committee members have failed to attend the last meeting," Fuyutsuki reported.

"Was any reason given for these absences?" Gendo asked.

"No, I think they're concerned about security."

"I wasn't aware that the report into Lorenz's death was even past the preliminary stage. Anything else?"

"I'm trying to confirm reports that some of them are now dead."

"So soon after Lorenz's death? The chances of that being a coincidence are astronomical. You know that I don't like leaving things to chance," Gendo said as he scratched his beard. "Worst case scenario?"

"Someone wants to stop Instrumentality at all costs and is eliminating all involved," Fuyutsuki extrapolated from the known facts.

"Shit. Sensei, there's something else that you should know," Gendo admitted.

Fuyutsuki silently gestured for Gendo to continue.

"I've had some disturbing dreams lately."

"How disturbing?"

"They make me doubt my chosen course of action," Gendo replied.

Fuyutsuki sighed; this was not a good time for this to be happening.

"Assuming that we just write off countless man hours of work and untold sums of money by abandoning the HIP, will the Angels stop?"

"I don't know, Sensei," Gendo replied. "Are the Dead Sea Scrolls a self fulfilling prophecy? You know the old saying about things being too good to be true."

"What's happened, Gendo? You were always so sure that of your decision, I never would have thought that you'd second guess yourself like this."

"I don't know what it is either, Sensei. Put all the Instrumentality related work on hold until we can guarantee the resources necessary for their success. It's all we can do at the moment. And what is all that commotion outside?"

"It sounds like Dr. Akagi tried something with the Third Child that Captain Katsuragi took offence with."

"I see. Send in Katsuragi, I want to talk to her."

"Ok."

* * *

Striding forcefully down the corridor, Misato made eye contact with Ritsuko. She grabbed the doctor by the lapel and slammed her up against the wall. 

"Care to explain what you were doing to Shinji?"

"I didn't trip him!" Ritsuko protested. "I'm just a victim of circumstances!"

"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk," Misato mocked as she continued to glare daggers at Ritsuko, making the blonde think that real blades would be coming out soon if she didn't deflect the blame for this most grievous of gaffes.

"Captain Katsuragi," a male voice interrupted the interrogation.

"What?"

"I believe that Shinji was tripped up by someone else," Dr. Murata answered.

"And who was that?" Misato asked, she turned to face the M.D., but still kept hold of Ritsuko.

"It was a man with long hair. I recall that he was trying to seduce some of the nurses a few days ago, but I can't remember his name. What was it Kaki? Kanji? Something like that," Murata replied scratching his head.

Misato dropped Ritsuko and turned around, her eyes scanning for the bane of her existence.

"I'll kill him. I will kill Kaji dead," Misato said in a scarily calm tone. "I'll kill him slowly. With a belt sander. And his cheap aftershave."

Before the enraged woman could give more gruesome details about Kaji's imminent demise, Fuyutsuki emerged from his visit with Gendo.

"Captain Katsuragi," he started. He repeated himself when Misato failed to respond.

"Yes?"

"The Commander wants to see you. He said it's about his son."

This stopped any argument from the purple haired woman.

"Sir," she saluted.

* * *

Misato entered Gendo's room, hoping that this was good news and not something bad. Bad would be something like "I'm sending Shinji away to train as a priest. When he is finished, he will take a vow of celibacy." 

"Captain Katsuragi, I know that you care for my son. Perhaps a bit too much for someone who is supposed to be his legal guardian," the commander addressed the captain.

Misato, her mind still focused on Dr. Akagi's recent actions, only blushed lightly at the commander's opinion.

"There has been a change in plans."

"Sir?" Misato looked up.

"It seems that Shinji is no longer safe here. Even in the hospital. As you are combat trained, I want Shinji to stay with you until I get out of here."

"Yes Sir!" Misato stood to attention as she saluted. This was what she considered good news.

"I have one condition, Captain," Gendo said as he shifted slightly in his bed.

"What is it, Sir?"

"That all females in his company are supervised. That includes Rei and yourself."

"What? Me as well?" Misato asked. "I'm the one trying to save Shinji from harm."

The captain's façade of innocence started to crumble under Gendo's glare

"Captain, leaving you alone with my son would be like using a cat to make sure a plate of sashimi isn't eaten," Gendo dryly commented.

Misato suddenly found her shoes very interesting.

"I'm glad that we're in agreement about you behaviour. How is the other pilot's training going on?"

"It's not so good, sir. Rei and Asuka don't like each other."

"I see. Tomorrow morning, take Shinji to the session," Gendo ordered. "He should have a positive effect on them. Then have Asuka take a synchronisation test with Unit-01. If it works, she is to use Unit-01 to eliminate the Angel before it regenerates. If it goes well, then we could be done by the end of the day,"

"Yes sir."

"Bring Shinji here before you leave tomorrow. I want to have a word with him."

"Sir."

After Misato left the room, it occurred to Gendo that the tactical officer might just neglect to mention that she also needed to be chaperoned when in Shinji's company and called Rei's mobile phone.

Yes, Commander? 

"Rei, Shinji will be visiting tomorrow. He is not to be left alone with ANY female, this includes you. Do you understand?"

Why am I included in this decision? 

"I need to have the same rule for all of those around Shinji or there will be protests from Katsuragi and the others. Shinji may trust the Captain, but I don't when it comes to his chastity," Gendo explained.

I understand. Shinji-kun will not be left alone with any women. 

The next morning, Shinji was woken up by the sounds of Misato knocking on the door to his room.

"Are you awake, Shinji?"

"Yes," the pilot answered groggily.

The door opened to reveal Misato and a male Section 2 agent standing there.

"Good, you're coming with me to sit in on Rei and Asuka's training. It's your father's orders," Misato explained as she tossed some clothes on to the bed.

"I see. How's that going?"

"You know how the commander wanted us to have a feasible back up plan?"

Shinji nodded as he pulled on a t-shirt, inadvertently giving Misato a glimpse of bare torso flesh.

"Well, the main plan is not looking so good right now. The Commander suggested that Asuka fights the Angel in Unit-01 rather then wait for her and Rei to get sufficiently in sync to beat it. You don't have a problem with someone else piloting your Eva, do you?"

"It's not my Eva, Misato-san, I just pilot it when I'm told," Shinji replied as he unfolded the underwear he'd just received. He looked at the purple haired woman that was blushing slightly as he held the tight looking garment up to the light.

"If you think they'd be uncomfortable, then you can always go without, Shinji. Sometimes I do," Misato stated matter-of-factly.

It was now Shinji's turn to blush and most of his blood rushed to his cheeks.

"Captain Katsuragi," the man in black spoke up, "This is what the Commander was talking about when he said that women around Shinji needed to be supervised."

"I wasn't going to stay here while Shinji got dressed," Misato protested.

"I was referring to your attempts to get the Commander's son to go commando. Shinji, we'll wait outside for five minutes, please be ready by then."

* * *

In Gendo's hospital room, the bearded man sat up in his bed, waiting for his son to arrive. He decided that this would be the time to tell him about his plans. 

"I only hope that you can forgive me when you learn the truth, Shinji."

A knock on the door roused Gendo from his thoughts.

"Enter."

"Father, how are you feeling today?" Shinji asked as he manoeuvred into a visitor's chair.

"I'm better, son. I have some news about your immediate future," Gendo replied with what he thought passed for a friendly smile.

Had it been Misato, Shinji would have been better convinced, but Gendo was not known for his amiable nature.

"What do you mean, Father?"

"I realise that I'm not the nicest person on the planet, Shinji, but I want to make amends for not treating you as well as I could. I want you to move in with me so we can start being a family again," Gendo said honestly. "It's what your mother would have wanted."

Shinji wasn't sure how to take this. He thought that his father wanted to be part of a family again, just that he thought that Ritsuko was a lonely person. Well, he was discovering what thought can do to you the hard way following Dr. Akagi's mishap the night before.

But still, there was something about Gendo's words that the Third Child wanted to believe.

"Shinji, you've got a difficult job in battling the Angels, but I'll do what I can to make it easier for you. Please, let me do this."

Shinji was having problems connecting the image of his father in the bed in front of him and the one of his father that ordered him into the cockpit of Unit-01.

"Why now?" Shinji asked in a quiet voice. "I mean you've had three years to ask me to live with you."

'Because I've had my carefully laid plans turned upside down. Plans that were decades in the making made worthless because of some old fools cowering under their desks and a horde of women that are willing to kill to get in your bed,' Gendo thought angrily before wincing in pain.

"Are you alright Father?"

"I will be, Shinji," Gendo reassured his son. "Do you know what the plan for today is?"

"Yes, father."

"Good. Go with the Captain. I'll speak with you later," Gendo smiled at his son.

* * *

Shinji walked up to the door to Misato's apartment under the watchful eye of the Section 2 agent assigned to him. 

Misato was happy that Shinji was finally coming home to her, though she really wanted to spend some time alone with him. 'Perhaps I can get him to make me dinner,' she mused.

She was so wrapped up in the idea of a romantic evening at home with the Commander's son that she failed to notice a discarded can and stumbled into Shinji, trapping the Third Child against the wall.

"Captain, please, the Third Child requires air," the Man in Black pointed out after tapping her on the shoulder.

It took a moment to sink in, but Misato became aware that she was pinning Shinji to the wall, her breasts pressed against his face.

"Oh shit, sorry about that, Shinji."

Shinji was unable to respond verbally, but one could clearly see the glazed eyes on his face and the blush that was threatening to make his cheeks burst.

Misato threw her door keys to the Section 2 Agent before sweeping Shinji up in her arms in a bizarre rendition of a western romantic gesture.

"Shin-chan, did you know that it's traditional for the husband to carry his wife over the threshold of their marital home?" Misato asked, savouring the moment.

"Misato-san, you're embarrassing me!" Shinji complained.

"I'll get the door then, shall I?"

"Yeah, you do that," Misato said as she looked into Shinji's eyes. 'Such a beautiful shade of blue, yet so sad.'

"Welcome home, Shinji."

"T-thank you, Misato-san." Shinji's blush failed to leave his face, as the Captain carried him inside.

"You can go now, Shinji's going to be alright here," Misato said to the man who still held her keys.

"Captain Katsuragi has returned with Shinji-kun!" a voice called out from the kitchen.

"I see. Your keys are on the table here."

"Hey Misato, why're you carrying him like that?" Asuka asked, coming from her room.

"Shinji tripped on the way up here," Misato answered as she placed the blushing pilot on the sofa. "So then, are you two going to show me how much you've improved?"

"Come on, Wondergirl, let's show them what we can do," Asuka snorted unhappily, she knew that the purple haired woman's plan was.

"Agreed," Rei replied as she took her place on the pad.

When the music started up, Rei and Asuka started to hit the right sequence for a good half minute longer than they had before. But still their total was a measly one minute fourteen seconds before the pilots fell out of sync.

"You've been doing this for a while now, but if you can't get anywhere close to three minutes, then we're finished," Misato said, shaking her head. "You girls have no rhythm. Here let me show you how it's done."

Misato got up and restarted the music. She stepped towards Shinji, shaking her hips in time to the beat.

Asuka could not see how this demonstration was going to help her if the Captain didn't use the pads like her and Rei.

The blue haired pilot could see that the Commander's concern for Shinji was proven to be well founded when Misato started to grind her hips against Shinji's lap.

"Captain Katsuragi, you are demonstrating the adult version of the game called 'Lap Dance Like You Want a Promotion', and I fail to see how it will improve our performance," Rei admonished.

"You're just jealous that I thought of it first," Misato shot back as she rubbed her breasts in Shinji's face.

Before she could get to the next stage, opening Shinji's fly with her teeth (and thus allowing her access to the most sought after Trouser Treasure in NERV), Rei grabbed the lust-crazed woman, inadvertently causing Shinji's crotch to be head-butted.

All Asuka could do was snigger at Shinji's misfortune. The boy in question just whimpered in pain, tears streaming down his face.

Misato and Rei stopped struggling with each other and rushed to Shinji's aid.

"Shinji-kun is there anything I can get you to ease your discomfort/Shin-chan do you want me to kiss it all better?" they asked at the same time.

"You are truly as shameless as your file suggests, Captain Katsuragi," Rei stated angrily upon hearing what Misato said.

Misato glared daggers at the Commander's favourite pilot. "And just what did you have in mind?"

"Whatever it takes to make Shinji-kun feel better."

"I'll be alright in a bit, just please stop fighting," Shinji interrupted in a quiet, high pitched voice.

"Ok, Shinji," Misato acquiesced to her friend's request. "But for you two, I have some important news."

"What's that? Am I moving in with Kaji?" Asuka asked, wanting to get out of the cramped hell-hole that was supposed to house three people.

"Nope. You're off to NERV for an activation test with Unit-01."

"Why?" Asuka demanded. "I've got to train this animated turnip so we can beat this Angel."

"There's been a change of plans: the Commander is not happy with your lack of progress and has decided to go with the back-up plan. Asuka, you're going to see if you can activate Unit-01 and if you can, you're to eliminate the Angel. If all goes to plan, we can be done by dinnertime this evening."

"Would you like me to cook this evening, Misato-san?" Shinji asked, anxious to do something to help.

"Would you, please?" Asuka asked nicely. "The last time I ate something Misato cooked, I was shitting through the eye of a needle!"

"You could always cook yourself, you lazy bint!" Misato retorted angrily, unable to defend her poor cooking.

"Hey! I pilot my Eva. That's what I'm trained to do, I've spent years training for that. When would I have a chance to learn how to cook?" Asuka raged at her guardian. "Besides, why aren't you a better cook? You're TWICE as OLD as me, you should've had plenty of practice over the years."

Misato very nearly smacked the redhead, but was restrained by Shinji's hand on her arm. When she turned to the boy, she saw the look in his eyes.

'God, he looks like a whipped puppy,' she thought. Shaking her head to clear away the notion that someone would want to physically abuse Shinji, she agreed to his request to stop fighting.

"You two get changed so we can be off to Headquarters."

* * *

At NERV headquarters, Ritsuko was preparing for Asuka's test, she felt that the guards watching her were unnecessary, but the Commander ordered them to keep her under observation, especially since previous day's incident. 

Upon completing all she could without the pilot actually being there, she decided to take a coffee break with Maya.

Maya felt a little uncomfortable around the doctor. Normally, she would have chalked it up to the crush she had on her, but this time it was something else.

'Sempai was naughty yesterday,' she mused. 'Perhaps I should punish her?'

That thought brought a blush and a smile to the face of the bridge bunny. But before she could give it more thought, Captain Katsuragi entered the room with Rei and Shinji.

'Ooh, Shinji-kun is looking very cute today,' the quiet young woman noted.

"Hello Maya-san," Shinji said as he waved.

"Hello Shinji-kun. How's your foot?"

"It's better, thanks. Though I'll be glad to get the cast off."

Misato walked up to the chatting pair and handed Shinji a mug of coffee.

"Here you go, Shin-chan. Milk, one sugar."

"Thanks Misato-san," Shinji said as he accepted the hot beverage.

They all turned to the main monitor to see how Asuka was doing.

* * *

Inside Unit-01's entry plug, Asuka Langley Sohryu was fidgeting in her seat. 

Is something wrong, Asuka ? Ritsuko asked over the intercom. You seem agitated."

"It's not very comfortable in here, you know. The seat's padding is all wrong," Asuka griped. "Plus there's this weird smell. What have you been doing in here, you pervert?"

Nothing! Shinji protested his innocence. I always go before a mission. 

'That's gross,' Asuka shuddered at the thought of someone pissing in the entry plug.

Now Asuka, we need you to show us just how good you are by synchronising with the Eva, Ritsuko tried to massage Asuka's ego.

"Ok, let's see what his thing can do."

In the control room, Shinji sat in a chair watching all the lights flash on in front of him. He didn't even pretend to understand how any it worked, he just watched the proceedings with Rei.

"Bringing the system online now. Sync Ratio at 20 percent and rising," Maya said as she tapped away at the keyboard. "26 percent. 30 percent. 33 percent. It's levelling off at 38 percent."

"That's good," Ritsuko commented as she checked the neural connections. "Asuka, your Sync Ratio is 38 percent. That means we are a go for the operation. We're pulling you out of there in order to prepare."

Ok.

* * *

It wasn't until after lunch that Shinji got the chance to pay his father a visit. He also wanted to give him the good news about Asuka's activation test. Not that Shinji needed to tell him; even in his hospital bed, Gendo had remained informed of all Eva related events. 

He knocked on the door, and was promptly told to enter.

"Hello Father," Shinji said, still intimidated by his parent.

"Hello son. How're you doing today?"

"I'm doing well. I've got good news about your back-up plan."

"I take it that Asuka managed to activate Unit-01," Gendo said as he sat up in the bed. "What was the Sync Ratio?"

"38 percent."

"That's about what I'd expect with her training and being in an unfamiliar Eva."

Before Gendo could turn the conversation to less work orientation topics, Misato came into the room.

"Commander, we are ready to begin the second phase of the operation."

"Good. I want Pilot Sohryu to use the progressive knife on the Angels, she should aim for the cores," Gendo ordered. "It will be good practice for her."

"Yes sir," Misato saluted. "Shinji, do you want to watch from the control room?"

"Shinji," Gendo called out before his son could answer.

"Yes Father?"

"Go and get me a wheelchair. I'll watch the operation with you." Gendo prepared to be move himself out of bed.

"Is that ok?" Shinji asked, concerned for his father's wellbeing. "I mean, should you be out of bed?"

As if to answer him, Dr. Murata entered the room with a wheelchair.

"I'd rather you weren't out of bed just yet, Commander. But at least you're not going to be standing," the balding man said as he wheeled the chair up to the bed. "You are going dressed, aren't you?"

"Of course I am, what kind of freak do you take me for?" he demanded from the others in the room. "Now get me my clothes."

* * *

An agitated Asuka sat in Unit-01's entry plug, waiting for the operation to begin. She really wanted to get the Angel out of the way so she could get something decent to eat. Yes, the NERV cafeteria food that she ate for lunch was better than Misato's slop, but the way the purple-haired floozy droned on and on about the Third Child's cooking had made her curious about it. Rei hadn't helped dining matters at the Katsuragi Hovel because of her vegetarianism. 

Though the German pilot's suspicions that the quiet girl considered Shinji to be prime beefcake made it all seem a bit surreal.

She hadn't mentioned the strange smell that she complained about earlier, mainly because she reasoned that it wouldn't have been heeded as she wasn't going to pilot this Eva.

"Are we ready to get this show on the road?" she asked the control room. "I've got better things to do tonight than sit around in this thing."

You're not the only one, Asuka, Misato said. It seemed as if she was going add more, but she'd been reprimanded by someone. Brace yourself, we're ready to launch. 

"Roger," Asuka replied as she settled into the seating.

The Eva was buffeted around by the transport system like an overpriced rollercoaster. It was enough to give most people motion sickness, but Asuka Langley Sohryu was not most people. Years of training had conditioned her to expect the forces she was currently being subjected to.

When the Eva reached its exit point it stopped suddenly, making the pilot wish she had a seatbelt of some description in the cockpit and grateful that she hadn't eaten the Captain's cooking for lunch.

"Unit-01 is ready to take out the Angel out. Advancing now," Asuka informed the command staff.

Acknowledged. Proceed with caution, Asuka.

Asuka drew the progressive knife as she slowly moved towards the regenerating monster. The purple Eva was still connected to the umbilical cord as per the mission brief.

When Unit-01 reached its target, Asuka quickly dispatched the Angel by slicing the core roughly.

"Mission completed, Misato," she radioed in happily.

There was no response.

"Are you there, Misato?" Asuka asked, her concern growing when the silence continued. "Is anybody there?"

Return to base, Pilot Sohryu, Gendo answered her.

"Commander? Is that you?"

Yes. 

Asuka turned back to the Eva transit system, slightly confused as to why the senior Ikari was answering the comm. system. "Is everything ok there?"

Everything is fine, return at once , Gendo ordered.

* * *

Inside the control room, Gendo was not a happy person. 

"You do realise that because of this, I'm actually quite livid right now?" he asked the people around him.

"We're sorry sir," Maya apologised.

"Can someone please explain why a member of the janitorial staff was in here observing our operations?" Gendo asked his audience.

"You can't, can you? Why? Because he's a SEELE agent, that's why," Gendo spat at the hogtied man in the centre of the floor. "And because of your incompetence, my son was hurt trying to protect me."

Shinji sat on the floor by his father, still winded from the punch to the stomach. He was taken back by the pat on the head he received from the normally callous man.

"F-father?"

"Shinji, thank you," Gendo smiled at the Third Child. "I mean it, son."

* * *

When Asuka had returned to the Eva hanger, her opinion of the smell in the entry plug had changed significantly. It had gone from weird to infuriating, but only because of the fact that she couldn't place it. 

"I know I've smelt it before, but where?" she asked as she scratched her head.

Shaking her head in annoyance, she decided that she needed to get in the shower before the LCL caked into her hair.

* * *

After her shower, Asuka met up with her roommates and Shinji for dinner. 

"What happened in the control room?" she asked the purple haired woman.

Misato stopped making goo-goo eyes at Shinji long enough to answer.

"Some bastard hurt Shinji by accident."

"Why?" the redhead asked. Sure, Shinji didn't seem that cool, but why would anyone want to hurt the quiet boy?

"SEELE wanted to remove Commander Ikari," Rei answered. "Shinji-kun, you may put your weight on me, I will assist you in walking to the car park."

Shinji tried to explain that it wasn't necessary, but the blue haired girl wrapped an arm around his waist.

"I insist."

'I'll get my time with Shinji soon enough,' Misato thought as she ground her teeth. "Shinji, you've got shotgun."

* * *

At Misato's apartment, Shinji prepared the meal that the other pilots had been promised. Cooking for others didn't bother him like it did some people, in fact he found it relaxing. 

He was surprised when Asuka entered the kitchen and started sniffing the air.

"Is something wrong, Asuka-san?"

"No," Asuka replied. She continued to sniff the air in the apartment and started getting in Shinji's way, causing the boy to sigh in frustration.

"Asuka-san, I don't mind cooking for you all, but you'll have to keep out of my way. Are you sure there's nothing wrong?"

"Well, yes, actually there is."

"Is it anything I can help you with?" Shinji asked as he turned down the heat on the vegetable stew he was stirring.

"Maybe. I don't know," Asuka gave him a non-answer. "There's a weird smell in this place."

Shinji looked around to see what could of the apartment. It was a mess to be sure, but it was nowhere near as bad as when he last left Tokyo-3. "What kind of smell?"

"I don't know, it's just really weird," Asuka continued her vague complaint.

"I don't smell anything weird," Shinji replied with a shrug, "but I've been cooking with spices."

Asuka moved over to the pot and inhaled deeply. "What's in this?"

"Potatoes, leeks, onions, miso and peppers," Shinji replied as he cleaned up some of the kitchen.

Asuka looked impressed. "What's it taste like?"

"Vegetable stew," Misato answered for the cook.

"Really?" Asuka asked sarcastically. "I hadn't considered that, what with me being a college graduate and everything. I meant is it going to be spicy or not?"

"It's not very spicy," Shinji admitted, "but I can make it spicier for you if you want."

"No, mild is good. My stomach could do with a change from Misato's bowel cleaning curry," Asuka said with a smirk.

Shinji sniggered at the redhead's comment.

"Yeah, mild's ok," Asuka repeated with a smile. "Just as long as there IS flavour, Rei's stuff tasted like cardboard."

"You should not complain; you did not cook any meals, Pilot Sohryu," Rei said as she entered the kitchen.

Asuka's smile disappeared. 'Bitch.'

"She has a point, Asuka," Misato backed up the blue haired girl. "Is it ready yet, Shin-chan?"

"Let me check," Shinji answered as he turned to the drawer where the spoons were kept.

"Hmm, nearly done," he said after tasting the stew. "Here, try some."

The three ladies each took a spoon and sampled the dish.

"This is good, Shin-chan," Misato said as she hugged the chef.

Rei nodded in agreement. "It is most delicious, Shinji-kun."

Asuka "hmmed" in appreciation. She instinctively sniffed while she stood next to Shinji. "You!"

"Pardon?" Shinji asked in surprise.

"You! You're the source of that smell!" Asuka shouted at the lightly bewildered cook.

"What smell are you referring to, Pilot Sohryu?" Rei asked as she tried to increase the distance between two other pilots.

"That weird smell in Unit-01! It's Shinji!" Asuka explained, jumping up and down.

"I'll take your word for it, Asuka." Misato's stomach rumbled. "Now can we eat?"

Everybody there enjoyed the Third Child's cooking too much to interrupt the meal with inane small talk. After everyone finished up, Shinji started to clear the table.

"Shinji-kun, would you like some help with the dishes?" Rei asked.

"It's no trouble, Rei," Shinji replied before taking out the empties.

"Why do you want to do the dishes?" Asuka asked her fellow pilot. "Washing up sucks."

Misato knew the answer to that one: "Any excuse to be near Shinji."

"I don't feel like cleaning up tonight, Rei," the purple haired captain mentioned in an off hand manner.

Rei looked at the stretching woman. "I see."

Asuka rolled her eyes. "Whatever. What's for dessert?"

Shinji heard that question as he re-entered the dining area. "I didn't prepare anything, sorry. All we've got in the fridge is whipped cream and some strawberries."

"Whipped cream?" Misato asked. She started to stroke her belly as a naughty thought occurred to her. "I know what I want."

* * *

To be continued… 

This chapter was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

I decided that I'd spent enough time dealing with this Angel, that's why it's a long chapter (for me anyway).

Are there any questions/complaints/praise/death threats/offers of many a sordid thing? (Delete as applicable)

If so, you know what to do.

Laterer


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